My First Adult Holiday.

So, this might be an insanely long post, or not depends how lazy I get. Which is very likely. But this post as you can tell from the title, is about my first holiday away from my parents. It’s terrifying. I had to book it all myself which makes me very nervous because what if something goes wrong. Which is very likely.

Now partly because we are poor, and partly because I don’t have a passport, and partly because I have a serious fear of flying, we decided to stay in the United Kingdom. And Matt offered to drive. Stupid. Because I decided that I wanted to go to Scotland. Well we agreed together, as it was somewhere neither of us had been before so the thrill was in the Adventure. ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE! Stupid. Because I forget I have a slight anxiety over getting lost. But I had the belief that Matthew would take care of me and all would be well.

Because I had no idea on what there was to do in Scotland I felt we couldn’t dedicate the whole week to it, plus we’d have to stop on the way if Matthew is driving the whole way up. Therefore, I first stop was Whitby. The drive up was pretty good, and Matt enjoyed some of the roads, only problem being when we got in Whitby and Matt hated how pedestrians used the road as a path, and there was lots of traffic, and practically no parking. But once we got inside the hotel and had a rest, and watched Game of Thrones, we ventured on a little explore and had a lovely night. Then the next morning we tried going in a shop my mum wanted me to go in, but even though they said they were open they were closed. Annoying. So, the journey to Scotland commenced.

Now I have never experienced car Sickness before, but there was just this whole messed up period on the motorway where I had the worst headache, a sore throat, a sickness feeling, and to top it all off I needed to pee. Like Bad. Luckily, we weren’t that far away from a roundabout that had a McDonalds. And we got back on the road after some food and rest. Now the views guys, were incredible. I tried to film or take pictures but honestly the camera doesn’t do it justice and I felt bad for Matt because unless he wanted to crash the car he couldn’t witness them with me. But I loved them, and I am very thankful to him for that.

However, he did manage to see a few and enjoyed the drive up there, doing his weird giggle because of some weird car fanboy thing. He must be weird, he’s with me. And we got to hotel number two and had a rest trying to find somewhere to eat later. This was a struggle, because it all involved driving somewhere and finding parking. I found a Pizza hut in a little mall type thing so parking was like right next to it. But the problem is, not knowing where the fuck we are going. He was swearing, I was incorrectly reading google maps. It was a mess. But we made it through. And I guess that is the most important thing. Coming out of shit times still happy together. Well to be fair it’s not like he could just abandon me in Scotland. Or could he… I better be on my best behaviour.

After food, we came back to the Travelodge, and chilled out ready for our big day at the zoo. We got about 9.30 and was there until about 4. So big day. The zoo was awesome, and it was peaceful to start with. I saw Zebras and Otters and Koalas and Pandas and Penguins and a tonne of Monkeys. And other animals of course. They even take some of the penguins around the zoo for a little walk and it was so cute. I took so many photos and little videos which I will snippet for you. Then of course we went in the gift shop, and I got myself a cuddle panda, obviously. And then a couple of gifts for the family.

As we finished earlier than we thought we decided to explore more of the city side of Edinburgh. We went into the local Primark and I got two cute new dresses. We went into a couple of random shops so I could get some gifts and just went on some walks. The view was so good. We stopped for some food and decided to head back, mainly because our phones were practically dead from all the picture taking. This wasn’t a good walk because I got very panicked about our phones dying and not finding our way back. Luckily Matt was there to be reassuring, not that I accepted this at the time. Thankfully, we survived to go back to our hotel and watch YouTube.

The next day we packed our things and headed into road trip number 3 the journey to Garmouth. Which is the closest place I could find to the dolphin centre. Guys driving on the motorways in Scotland is so good, purely through the views. So, make sure you are the passenger so you get to enjoy it. But literally every five minutes I look over like wow oh my god. Nature is just so beautiful sometimes. Aside from this the drive can be boring because I don’t have much to do. I’ve been singing along to songs. Making weird video clips in hopes of putting it together for a YouTube video. And writing some of this blog post.  I don’t know why but I am unable to nap. Which is mean because I love a good nap. However, if I fell asleep who would be there to tell Matt to turn but then get the turning wrong?  He does provide me with some entertainment bless him, but most of the time he is concentrating to protect us from death. So, I think I’ll take boredom over that.

Now I’ve noticed this is a very long post, so I thought, lets make this a too be continued.

If you’d like to find out about our Dolphin trip, Scarborough adventures, and if we make it home in one piece, please check back in next Thursday.

See you when I see you! 

Gossip Girl.

Gossip girl here. And today I will be talking to you about everything Gossip Girl. Now I know that it is not completely relevant anymore considering the finale was back in 2012. But I have only recently discovered it on Netflix. I mean I have heard of the show before a day Hariette had given me a partial spoiler before I even decided to watch it, but I went from having no interest to being a bit obsessed. So I thought I would give some opinions.




WARNING: May include spoilers! 




So at first I wasn't too invested in anything, because I saw it as a serious I could just have on in the background when doing other things. Then around the end of season 1 I noticed myself caring about certain things more than I should. Mainly the Dan and Serena relationship. And the whole shit with Georgina. And you sit there thinking how much an idiot Serena is for not telling Dan the truth. Then in season two they get back together but break up. And they yoyo so fucking much that you get so enraged. They end it with them getting married, which is cute and appeals to my ship love, but in all honest towards the end Dan was such a dick to her, which made her be a bit of a bitch to him in return, and I honestly do not think that is a healthy relationship.

Nate annoys me the most for this because he goes from Blair to Serena back to Blair, to Jenny to Vanessa to some random old lady who plays Betty's mom in RiverDale.  Back to Vanessa back to Jenny all the way back to Blair. With some random girl who I recognise from a show but can't remember what. Then gets back with Serena, and Jenny appears again. Make up your fucking mind! And then it just keeps going. Trish from Harper's Island, Weird posh lady, Charley but not Charley, Charley but Lola. Wait.. Charley and Lola was that meant to represent the children's book? I doubt it. I only just thought about it. Anywho. Nate needs to get tested. Well he did in one episode to be fair.

To be fair they all fucking get around in this show. I want to draw a map of all the relationships that go on. That is the only thing that made me happy about the final episode. All my ships came back together. Chuck and Blair finally concluded their tortuous roller-coaster off again on again, and got married and had a little boy who is so darn cute. Some elements of their relationship did go a bit extreme though, like when she got kidnapped by that guy who had a vendetta against Chuck. To be fair most of the storylines with Chuck were extreme. His father dying, his uncle being an ass to take the company, Lily adopting him to let the uncle not take the company, the evil guy trying to take the company, being shot, pretending he was someone else, finding out his mum was actually alive, getting into a car crash, turns out someone else was his real mother, finding out that they pretended to be his real mother, thinking it was because his uncle was his father, turns out it's because his dad faked his own death, accidentally murdering his father because his dad was trying to kill him. You know everyday life. At least he looked good doing it all.

Chuck was by far my favourite character, even though he started off as a dick, but I think it was his turn around that made him all that more awesome. But then again there was Darota. Who was simply amazing all the time. It's probably why so many thought it would be her that was gossip girl. And I think if it wasn't already spoiled for me that Gossip Girl was indeed Gossip Guy then I'd have thought that too. It would be far better than who it really was.

That being...Dan. Which when I watched the first episode I thought it would be Dan, and then as the serious progressed I turned off this idea. Why? Because it became too obvious to me. He was a writer, and even wrote a book about them all in a similar style to gossip girl. So it being Dan was not shocking enough for me. And even though I hated Nate I would have preferred it to be him because towards the end he was trying to really find out who gossip girl was and they always went on about how he never sent in any tips, and it was like, because I was Gossip Girl, and the others would be like, So why are you trying to find out who you are? Which to be fair is the ultimate cover up.

To conclude, I feel empty, because the drama is over and the result is disappointing. Much like Pretty Little Liars. And I want to find a new series to watch but I fear the same investment and being let down at the end will just keep occurring. But if you have any suggestions feel free to give them to me.

You know you love me.
XOXO Gossip Girl.

A Music Tag.

Hello, so this is probably something I haven't done in a while, a tag! So you should all thank Siobhan for posting this tag first (which you can read here) and providing me with the idea to do this myself. From what I made out they are two separate tags based around music. And I love music. So why the fuck not? I've merged them together though so enjoy my answers!

1). A song that would play during a zombie apocalypse movie:

     If it's like the kind of grungy trying to get by part of the Zombie apocalypse I'd go with "Wasps" by The Red Paintings.

2). A song that reminds you of a special place:

     I wouldn't say I really had a special place but whenever I hear "Happy Together" by The Turtles I always  montage the happy times in my mind so I guess that counts. Or "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane.

3). A song you'd like to kiss to: 

    Well assuming I was kissing Matthew, I'd want to play anything That Poppy because it would annoy him, and he's very cute when he's annoyed, but more seriously it would either be "Shout about it" or "Risk it all" both by The Vamps.

4). A song that you'd get the lyrics of tattooed on yourself: 

     "We are like Young Volcanoes" with a little drawing of a volcano, from the song "Young Volcanoes" by Fall Out Boy. Just because it would be super cute, and it's one of my favourite songs. Or it would be "What would I give if I could live, out of this water" from "Part of Your World" The Little Mermaid, so I can have Ariel tattooed on me. 

5). A song that reminds you of a fictional character: 

     Well Melanie Martinez's "Mad Hatter" reminds me of Alice in wonderland, but I'm not sure that counts because it is partially what the song is based off of. 

6). A song that was your anthem in middle school:

     Wow, I don't remember much of Middle School. I know I loved Black Eyed Peas, "Where is the Love?" being a classic. I also loved Lily Allen and Avril Lavigne. The usual suspects.

7). A song that reminds you of your best friend: 

    "Bohemian Like You" The Dandy Warhols.

8). A song that would play during the movie trailer of your life:

     "Everything's Just Wonderful" by Lily Allen, because some lyrics are just very applicable. 

9). A song you cry to:

     "Never Be Alone" Shawn Mendes.

10). A song you drive to:

       "Alone Together" Fall out Boy, or "Irresistible"

11).A song that reminds you of your childhood:

     "Numa Numa" by Dragostea Din Tei. Still one of the greatests.

12). Your favourite song from last year:

        "Tag You're It" Melanie Martinez.

13). A song that reminds you of your favourite season:

      "Sunny Afternoon" The Kinks, which you think mainly about Summer, but it can still be linked to Spring which is my favourite season.

14). A song by an artist you're crushing on: 

       "Treat you Better" Shawn Mendes.

15). A song with a colour in the title: 

       "Ultraviolet" The Stiff Dylans. Fell in love with it since Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging.

16). What are your favourite 5 songs right now? 

       This is so difficult. 

        "It's Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine, I'm Thinking It Must Be Love" by Fall Out Boy.

        "Lowlife" ThatPoppy

        "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" My Chemical Romance

        "Stacey's Mom" Fountains of Wayne

        "Mr Brightside" The Killers.

17).What is the most played song on your itunes? 

      I don't have iTunes, but my most played song is probably something Fall Out Boy. 

18). What song are you listening to right now? 

       "Everybody's Fool" by Evanescence.

19). What was the last album you bought? t

       I don't think I have ever actually purchased an album.

20). What was the last gig you went to? 

      It was a small fundraiser gig at the Brickmakers, Mainly went to hear Enigma. 

21). What song can you not get out of your head? 

       "Well since I mentioned it "Numa Numa"

22). What song do you listen to everyday? 

     Most of the ones I have already mentioned.

23). What was the first album you ever bought? 

       Again don't think I have ever actually purchased an album.

24). What was the last single you downloaded? 

       "Treat you Better" Shawn Mendes.

25). What is your favourite band right now? 

       It will always and forever be Fall Out Boy.

26). Who is you favourite artist right now?

       Male- Shawn Mendes

       Female- Melanie Martinez

Two very different artists.

27). What is your favourite type of music?

       As Matthew likes to remind me I have a very mismatch of music. I go from pop to rock to quite dark shit. Basically my favourite type is good music. And that tends to be a lot more when I have alcohol/get in the party spirit. 

28). In your 25 most played songs what is number 10? 

       "Milk and Cookies" Melanie Martinez. 

29). Quote one of your favourite lyrics.

       "Take a piece of my heart, and make it all your own. So when we are apart, you'll never be alone." from "Never Be Alone" by Shawn Mendes.

30). Do you listen to music everyday?

       If not on my phone or laptop, I definitely sing it in my head. 

So that was an eventful tag. A fun distraction from what I am supposed to be doing. But as I always say it is why we are here. See you when I see you!

How I Like My Hair.

You can tell I'm running out of things to talk about can't you. But to me my hair is a very big deal. Because it's the basis of whether or not I think I look good. And people can tell me otherwise, doesn't change how I feel.

I think it comes from my face shape. Because sometimes my face can look really fat and round but if my hair is in a certain it looks nice and angled. I mean sometimes it can also be a filter I use or the actual position of the camera. But most of the time I find if I move my fair I look better.

If you've known me a while you'll know I've essentially had the same hairstyle since I was in my last year of middle school. Essentially being a side fringe parted on my left side and length mainly around my shoulders. I tend to hate having my hair up, because of the fringe not flowing properly without the support of the rest of my hair (which I do preferred to be layered and somewhat voluminous) but since I have to wear it up for work I do grow to like it a bit more. As long as my fringe is not tied back. I'm not entirely sure why. I think it's mainly lyrics due to me hating my eyebrows with a passion. Never stare at my eyebrows. So by always having one partially covered up it makes them less noticeable. Plus when you tie it back I get the weird pokey put bits of my ponytail.

Sometimes I just hate the ponytail because of how it waves  and the way my hair has to cling to my skull, highlighting my weird head shape. So sometimes I have to loosen it a bit, but then it goes bumpy. It's a struggle. You can tell I'm running out of things to talk about can't you. But to me my hair is a very big deal. Because it's the basis of whether or not I think I look good. And people can tell me otherwise, doesn't change how I feel.

I think it comes from my face shape. Because sometimes my face can look really fat and round but if my hair is in a certain it looks nice and angled. I mean sometimes it can also be a filter I use or the actual position of the camera. But most of the time I find if I move my fair I look better.

If you've known me a while you'll know I've essentially had the same hairstyle since I was in my last year of middle school. Essentially being a side fringe parted on my left side and length mainly around my shoulders. I tend to hate having my hair up, because of the fringe not flowing properly without the support of the rest of my hair (which I do preferred to be layered and somewhat voluminous) but since I have to wear it up for work I do grow to like it a bit more. As long as my fringe is not tied back. I'm not entirely sure why. I think it's mainly lyrics due to me hating my eyebrows with a passion. Never stare at my eyebrows. So by always having one partially covered up it makes them less noticeable. Plus when you tie it back I get the weird pokey put bits of my ponytail.

Sometimes I just hate the ponytail because of how it waves  and the way my hair has to cling to my skull, highlighting my weird head shape. So sometimes I have to loosen it a bit, but then it goes bumpy. It's a struggle. I did wear my hair in a full pony tail around London, and I'll be honest I didn't completely hate it. Trying to take a nice photo though was irritating. Since my hair has grown longer I had started to learn to plait my hair in fun ways. But the way my hair looks against my hair does put me off. I like to have a change. I want to have a change. But to me the only logical solution is to have a new face shape.

I've considered going back to a full fringe like in my early youth, because a side fringe is too much upkeep to look nice all the time. But I have this fear of it getting cut wrong. And I've cried at getting my hair cut before. It's what started the Alice band phase. And we are not going back to that. But I just don't know what to do about the length of my hair. Because I can really like how it looks long  it just gets quite heavy and weirdly wavy. But I could never go too short because then it doesn't frame my face right. Even though short hair was my mum's favourite look on me.

This is a wig, don't be scared. 

I don't know. I think I should just stick with what I know. As I remember in middle school I so desperately wanted a side fringe I would just take a section of hair and seperate it, despite it being the same length. But I do fear sticking with it makes me boring. Much like this post.  Which I am only writing because I am bored whilst sat on a train. Hence it's weird structure, poor grammar, and large amounts of what the fuck is going on. But thank you for sticking with me. See you when I see you!

Pretty Little Liars.

Hello. So as I'm sure everyone is aware, Tuesday night there were 3 hours that concluded one of my favourite shows. (Just read the title) and leading up to this moment I have been nervous. Because when you become so indulged in something when it comes to an end  it's good because you get the answers you spent the whole time looking for, but you are then left with a void. For me I'll miss the debate with my friends over who we think it was and the evidence behind that, because now it's just like oh. Nevertheless, I loved this series, and consumed myself the past year or so watching all the seasons, because I'm sorry I was a late bloomer. So here are my thoughts and somewhat review of the series so if you have not seen it yet and do not want spoilers I suggest you look away now.

WARNING: This post may contain spoilers!

Now my theory, which never came with any concrete evidence, it was purely for the Gasp Factor. Because PLL was all about those gasps. I believed it would be Hanna, I wanted it so badly to be Hanna, because she went through so much shit, it would be like why would you do that to yourself, and then it's like so I don't become a suspect. And to be honest I would have taken anyone over who it actually was. Because to me adding a secret twin who we had never seen before (well never thought we had seen before) is to me a bit of a cop out. Like I want some long explanation as to why one of the characters we have been watching the past 7 seasons has been playing the game. So I feel a bit cheated, and I am disappointed that there was the cliche who's the real Spencer. Plus the build up to the reveal was a bit boring, and I'm not pleased with the tease reminder to the basement but no actual details.

I love Mona though. Confused about what the hell is going on with her, but I think it works. And I am happy with how it was all ending. I squealed at Hanna and Caleb getting married, and then with Allison proposing to Emily and you do get to experience some natural life after the game, because I do enjoy knowing what happens after. But I feel that with the episode it was just a filler.

It's weird because I feel like some aspects of the show were so cleverly thought out, well at least peoples evidence the compile made it look that way, and then they just have these moments. I don't know why I am trying to explain my feelings because I don't think I can. This show has given my many complicated feelings. Mainly rage, because if they were just honest and not bitches in the first fucking place they wouldn't be in this mess, but then I guess there wouldn't be a series.

To conclude, I love the series still, and I would watch it all again in years to come, but it did leave me with a feeling of. Oh...that's it. And I am disappointed. But maybe that is just me building to high an expectation. Maybe that is the problem nowadays. We all expect the crazy, wow moments and it just cannot be lived up to. Therefore I am not going to hate on the series for ending in this way because I've spent so much time loving other moments.

So watch the series Bitches!
I'll see you when I see you!
Kisses - E 

My Very First Wedding!

 No it was not me getting married! Just thought I would throw that out there first. It was a wedding of a friend from work, and I was so excited and grateful that she invited me to share such a special day. And as you can  tell from the title I had never been to a wedding before. Therefore, naturally I was a little bit nervous. What is best to wear? What do I do with the gift? How does everything work? I had no idea.

So first was the battle of a dress to wear. I literally looked in all shops in the city with my sister and came up with very little. She became obsessed with this dress from LadyB Loves. And I really did like it, but part of me screamed that it wasn't quite right for the wedding. But my only other option was a dress I had previously gotten offline, which I thought was too dark for the occasion (however someone at the wedding wore black anyway so I felt better) but after asking my much trusted friends we decided on my Rotita dress.

Next issue: shoes.

Now if you know me well enough, you know my shoe of choice is a Dr Martin. But they aren't really suited for a wedding, or sadly go with my dress of choice. Then I'd go converse, which again bit too casual. And I thought the same about my creepers. After searching the city I could find any heal or sandal that went with the dress or screamed "You'd look great". So I settled with a pair of shiny black pumps.  Then when I got to the wedding I saw a girl wearing trainers and was instantly annoyed.

So the day of the wedding arrived and I freshly dyed and cut my hair, I put on a little make-up and made my way to the venue. Instantly realising I needed to find someone I knew quickly or I'd start panicking. Luckily as I walked in my other work colleagues were then walking towards me and we all went to take our seats. The ceremony was a lot smaller than I visioned, but I guess all weddings are different. And it was adorable. We all stood as Gemma walked down the aisle (in tears bless her) looking absolutely stunning, and they gave their vows (a little bit muddled but that's exactly her) and we ventured into the marquee and got a drink, and then went into the garden area because it was far too hot. There was a particular anti-social area that my work group (and partners) claimed as our own. And we just chatted and laughed. Then some photos were taken and we had food. Which was better than I thought but I'd still prefer a spoons meal or something. And then there were speeches which were funny, and more general chatter, and a little bit of dancing.

I had such a great time and am honoured to have been a guest. It was just weird because everyone in my group is either married, engaged or committed enough to consider it and it just makes you think about when it will happen for you.  Which I think made Matt feel pretty awkward. Any who... I had such a wonderful time and cannot wait for the next wedding I get to celebrate. They're such happy times!

See you when I see you!

London + Harry Potter Studios!

Hello. So in my previous post I talked about things I am looking forward to. One of which being my trip to London with my sister, in which we are visiting the Harry Potter Studios.  Woo!

My day didn't start off that swiftly. I was incredibly tired and couldn't find half the things I wanted to pack. But I still made it to the bus stop on time. Only problem being that the bus didn't actually turn up. All was well though because I got a lift to the train station. I met with Hal and we got our tickets, and some much needed food. Then walked all the way down the platform to the carriage, and were forced to awkwardly sit opposite two strangers.

 

 Then after lots of trying to stay entertained, we arrived in Londinion. First we just found a Costa and made a plan to go to Oxford Street and shop. But not being so good with understanding tube maps. We ended up at Green Park trying to locate Buckingham Palace. So all the cool pictures I managed to get made it worth it. Plus Hariette presented me with a Selfie Stick. I had lots of fun.
Then we thought we should head to Watford and get ready for the studio tour. So we hunted for a McDonald's to get a quick bite to eat and panicked to the tour bus. And then there was a tonne of waiting. And waiting and waiting. And alas the tour began. And I'm not going to post too much because I don't want to spoil it for people who are thinking about going. But I loved the great hall, the forbidden forest (although slightly terrifying) and Hogwarts itself. I got to ride a broomstick, and look fabulous doing so. And witness some awesome animatronics to show how they brought the films to life. Baby Voldemort was my favourite. And I spent a ridiculous amount of money buying a replica of Fred Wesley's wand and a Ravenclaw robe. But I looks so damn cute!

 Then after being there for 4 hours, we headed to a nandos, are got to our hotel and slept. I then had the worst cold of a lifetime, and Hal was all get ready get ready. And we headed out to explore Watford. Going into their version of Chapelfield there's being ultimately more awesome because there was just a random train driving through it. Then we got some food at the local spoons. Where they sold pizza!

It was when we were at spoons however, we realised our whole afternoon of shopping in Camden and Oxford Street would be cut short, as we thought our 14.30 train home was a 4.30 train home. You can see how me made this error. So we panic walked to the overground so we could panic get to M&M world and Disney store then panic back to Liverpool Street to get the train all in like 2 hours. Surprisingly we managed this. And even though I ache and money has oozed out of my bank account. I had a fabulous time.

So thank you to my wonderful sister for suggesting we have this little trip together. And to me for reminding her that she said we would go after she said she'd booked tickets when she actually hadn't.

Hope you enjoyed this post and a fair few of the pictures I took. See you when I see you!

Positive Thinking.

As I haven't been in the greatest frame of mind in the past month I thought I'd spend my time focusing on the exciting things coming up in my life. Because I thrive on having something to look forward to. Whether it is in years to come or just around the corner. Goals are important to me. But making sure they are attainable is more so. Still there are a few events coming up that I am super excited for mainly because they are firsts for me.

To start with, my wonderful sister is taking me to go see the Harry Potter Studios! I've been to London before so that isn't as new and exciting. Well I guess it's my first time with Hal. But I am excited to go see Hogwarts and the forbidden forest. And I will spend lots of money. But since I physically can't move out anytime soon I shall spend it while I can.

Then on the 16th I am attending a wedding. Which I am worried about because I have no idea what goes on at a wedding and my only comfort are work friends. Who I still get worried that if they hang out with me too much realise I am weird. But I'm not going to let that stop me. Weddings seem like so much fun and I am honoured I'm being asked to share this day. I've battled to decide on a dress but I think I've found one and now I just have to worry about shoes. I'm stressing a little about getting my hair cut in time but that's not too bad an issue I guess. And I'm going to dye my hair for the ocassion.

Which is another thing I am excited for because I am going back to red. I usually go for a purple and it fades to a reddish brown pretty quickly. So I looked back at old photos and reminisced aboutique the beautiful red hair I used to have. Hopefully it doesn't go badly. 

Another thing I pray will not go badly is my holiday in July. I booked all the hotels and we have a brief plan of action and I could not be more excited to spend a week away with Matthew. I get to see Dolphins! And pandas. But to be honest if I don't I'm not too fussed because I'll have Matt with me and he makes me happy enough without even trying. I think I'm just worried that he won't have a good time more than anything. 

So those are a few things for now. But I need to find some more before they come and go. Because if not I fear I'll end back where I started. But if you evereally feel stressed or down, focus on those positive exciting things! It's definitely what I am going to keep doing. 

See you when I see you!

The Good Weekend

Hello. So following the somewhat negative posts of recent weeks I thought it would be good to take about my relatively good weekend.

I started it off hanging out with the guy who can make me smile without doing anything. Then Saturday evening was devoted to a small meal for my work friend who is getting married in a couple of weeks. Which was interesting as I've hung out at my colleagues houses before but we have never been out. I was a little nervous because I'm worried that people don't get on with me when they get to know me but I had a great time. Starting it off in spoons and there was a comment on the fact I was actually wearing a dress, then there was more comments on how quickly I can drink a sex on the beach.  And it was nice. We then went for a meal at Coast to Coast where I had some more cocktails. But I ate some yummy food too. And I had a lot of fun. 

Sunday was more of a chill day which I was not slightly hung over for... and I went to see my grandparents which was nice and we went for a meal and then looked around my dad's new favourite store. After all this my sister and I just chilled watching TV and playing sims.

To top off this much needed weekend was a bank holiday! Thank God I don't work back holidays. And some friends and I went to the Brickmakers charity event. We had a little catch up, spread some gossip, danced to Amy's boyfriend's band's music and then waited and waited and waited to go on a bouncy castle.  Which was fun enough in itself. I got to wear a funky hat. And I fell over.  So much fun.

To conclude I had a simply great weekend and I would like to thank everyone who helped make it that way. Because recently I really need times like this to look forward to.
See you when I see you!

The Cursed Week.

The events of the past several days has lead me to label this The Cursed Week. Not necessarily the bad things happening to me, but just a sense of what else could go wrong, what else could make everything more stressful. 

As you have probably seen from my recent blog posts that I'm not really in the best of places. Don't get me wrong I am getting happier and trying to distract myself from the stress. But that doesn't really deal with the problems. They are still there. And I struggle knowing what to do with it. Because most of it comes from work, and I don't know what I can do. As I love it there, usually, and this is what I want to do in future, so leaving will just make things more complicated. But this very moment in time work sucks. 

We all work long hours, get moaned at for the little things we do wrong but never get praise for the mass amounts of effort we put in. Which then in some vicious cycle leads to us getting more things wrong, or making ourselves ill so we don't go to work making everyone else more stressed. Last week in particular was just stupid. Photo day at the nursery is a crazy day on it's own because the children go crazy when not in routine. But add to that the fact 4 members of staff were not in. It was a nightmare. Then a friend had to go home because she was having pains and everyone worked pretty much the whole time the nursery was open. And for me and a few others the work doesn't end there, because I come back to do coursework. Which I think management fail to remember. 

Then when the staff returned the next day it is like they failed to appreciate the good things we did. So the mood goes down, and things go wrong. So I was already wanting to give up by Wednesday. Which has become a pattern now. We are not even going to discuss the events of Thursday but it lead to a few of us at work just bursting into tears. It just made me thankful that Friday for me was a half day, so I actually got time to relax. 

As the new week has started I am worried that the cursed week will still haunt us. Yeah it's not been as bad in terms of incidents, but we have all still been working ridiculously long hours. We still don't get thanked for that. We still don't get appreciated for the good things we do. We still feel so physically and mentally drained that we don't want to do anything. So then we get stressed because we have other commitments in our lives. But what am I meant to do? Because right now I see no hope in it getting better, but as I said before, if I leave before finishing my qualification I've gone through all that for nothing. 

Wish me luck, and I promise I will try to be more upbeat in my next post. See you when I see you!

Tips For Life.

As I have now spent a month in adulthood I thought it would be nice to share some tips I am figuring out on how to live. But I realised that it would be hypocritical of me. Because I have no idea what is going on, and how I can make it livable. Let alone am I acting like an adult. Maybe it is to do with my youthful look as my sister always tells me. But does anyone truly act like an adult? We all have moments I'm sure. Moments you want to act like a little kid, moments you do things that are immature. To me it's because being an adult is stressful. I'm constantly worried about work and time and what would happen if I don't complete my responsibilities. Which in turn makes me feel like I'm neglecting things that make me happy. And if I'm not happy, am I living? 

I've made lots of mistakes. More than I can count. And I know for a fact I am not the only one. But I try to pride myself on making up for mistakes. Trying to be better. It's why I try and be less of a shit to my parents. It's why I want to always be there for my friends, even when they say they don't need it. It's why I hate letting people down. It's why I work so hard. And now it's why I feel so shit. I try and do all these things to make up for my mistakes. But in reality people still think what they want. They still think I do the horrible things I haven't done since I was in high school. So what's the point in acting like an adult when no matter how hard I try I will never be perceived as one. 

But my tip can't be don't make mistakes. As it's the learning experiences, and you never know it is a mistake until you've made it. I can't even give tips on how to deal with it. People say ignore it, people say prove them wrong. I've tried. I'm sick of trying. I just want to curl up into a little ball and forget the world exists. Forget that I exist. 

I don't think there are any tips for life. We all simply exist. Successful or Not. Happy or Not. And it just sucks. I'm sorry that this is such a downer, and I don't even think it makes complete sense. But as I've said countless times, this blog, these posts, are my therapy sessions. So thank you for being there. I'll see you when I see you. 

Friend.

Dear Friend,
It's a strange word isn't it. Well actually when you think about it all words are strange but let's not get into that. A friend is something different to everyone. To some it's someone you hang out with, you have lots of them. Others it's someone who is there for you and you only have the one. No answer is the same. To me it's both. I have lots of friends I enjoy hanging out with, but not all I would, I wouldn't say trust but, not want to burden with my problems. All of my friends however, I try to be there for.

And yes, Dear Friend, I fail sometimes. But nobody is perfect. However, I am not the only one. I do not stand alone. But calling out these people doesn't make me any less to blame. It just means I cannot be the only one to place blame onto.

I remember a time, I treated people so poorly because I thought it would make me happy. I thought I needed the approval of a so called "Friend" but for them to make me do that is not friendship. So I built on that. Yes I broke it a couple of times. There are no excuses for those. But I want to take this time to say there was a high school rumor I helped to spread, but I want you to know I didn't create it. Not saying that excuses my actions of spreading it. I just need you to know that. Then I tried to build it all back up again, and it worked. Slowly and carefully it worked. I trusted you with secrets, I told you things that I probably shouldn't have. But you were my friend.

I remember when you went through a difficult time. I worried about you. I talked to your family even when you didn't want me to, and actually got mad at me for it. But it's what you needed. I did it to help. because I was your friend. I've seen you get hurt lots of times, and it has hurt me. Which is why I wasn't so trusting to the new happiness. I feel so bad that I can't be happy for you, but I'm too wary of you getting hurt. Which sounds stupid, Dear Friend, but it's how I feel. However, I continued seeming like it wasn't a thing, until I felt I got pushed to the sideline. It was all about this new thing. and it made me feel like everything I'd done, how hard I tried to be your friend, didn't mean as much to you as it meant to me. Because you had your new thing to keep you happy.

So yes. I'd complain about it. Yes I'd bitch about it. Because I was hurt. It's how I deal with being hurt. And I think it's why our other Dear Friends have done the same. But I just want to get one thing straight. If you think I am the person to comment harsh things behind a screen to directly hurt someone you are mistaken. And the fact you think that of me hurts me so much.

As far as I am aware, the person who posted on your Instagram was not a friend. As for the blog post, I genuinely have no idea who that was. I didn't even know about it until another friend had told me. Which is why I screenshotted something which I feel then made you think I had done the thing. But I only did that so I could check you were okay with that third party friend. (Sorry if that got confusing). The point is. If they weren't friends. Why do words like this keep popping up?

Even after you said this to me.





I know I'm no saint. Dear Friend. I know I shouldn't bitch. I regret things I say, but it never stops me saying it again. But I just want you to know that I've only ever done it when I get hurt by something. Which I know is hypocritical because it then hurts someone else. But unfortunately for people in this day and age it's a natural coping mechanism. And there isn't anything we can do but try to move forward.

Which I tried to do with you. I explained the situation and wanted to continue being friends. But since you cannot move on, Dear Person. I am truly sorry. I tried and failed. I just want you to know that I would appreciate if you could stop highlighting my failure. Because how is that acting anymore grown up than myself. We are hypocrites. I've accepted that. I will admit to my wrong doings, because trying to make up for it, will make me stronger. And yeah this post itself can be considered petty or whatever. I just wanted you and everyone to know, that I suck as a person. I suck as a friend. This is me going to deal with that.

To any other friend I have wronged I am sorry. Acting and Feeling sorry is all I can do.

See you when I see you.

Those Happy Times.

Hello. So as I've just celebrated the 3rd birthday in the last month I thought now would be a good time to talk about how I celebrated these happy times.

First we will start with mine and Maddy's as it came first. It's only logical.  We technically had two celebrations. One being a group get together for drinks and a catch up which was nice despite the bailing. But I got an apology for that. The other was a beach trip. Which was great despite the cold weather.

It started by Matt meeting me and giving me my presents then Emma came along and I opened hers and we chatted and drove to get Maddy who was late. As always. And we exchanged gifts which was fun. Then it was the drive there which was mainly chatting. At Hemsby we met with Paige, Lish, Amy, Jordan and Scott. And after saying a quick hello to my Nan who partially lives there, we went off to the arcade. Where I think we annoyed the people working there from constantly asking for them to get our prizes.

After this we had the idea to go mini golf! Which was hilarious because we were all shit at it. Our team had the rule of only 5 shots or you get 10 points. If not we'd have been there for years. Especially since we would hit it off the course and into the river and plants and anything else really. So despite getting a hole in 1 I didn't win, but Maddy got me a medal to make me feel special.

Once that was over we went to the amusements and everyone went on the waltzers. Let's just say some had more fun than others. So we decided to go on the dodgem cars which was crazy. And the main time I decided to take pictures. I really hurt my knee when people crashed into me. Some of us also decided to go into the haunted house and I'm not proud to admit I had a genuine freak out. But it was pitch black and I knew something would scare me. Which scares me more than something scaring me.

Then after all this excitement we went to the beach, and thankfully I had Scott who was crazy enough to join me in the sea. And Amy's boyfriend Jordan briefly joined us for a dip which was awesome. Even though when we finally had to leave the sea I was freezing cold. Getting changed was a nightmare. The gang then ate cake and I opened some more gifts and we just chatted as time flew by. We parted ways in the separate cars, but met back up for a sneaky McDonald's. It was a great birthday.

Like a week later was Siobhan's birthday, and she kept it simple with a meal to Frankie's and Benny's. It was on a weekday so I came straight from a long shift at work. I had fun chatting away, drinking my F Navel. It was much more relaxed but not any less enjoyable. I did feel really bad that I wasn't my best self, because I didn't want to ruin Siobhan's celebration. So once again to Siobhan I am really sorry. I love you.

An apology should also be said for Paige. Because during her birthday celebrations I again wasn't giving it my all because I was so tired from work. But I really did try. I enjoyed the chitchat of predrinks and eating pizza. Then putting make up on Scott and getting the bus. Drinking an entire pitcher of sex on the beach and going dancing. Trying to safely get Paige home and telling her about all the things she did. Perks of staying sober.

Even though I don't really seem up to these things. It doesn't stop me wanting to and trying. Because the way work has been lately and how stressed I feel. I need these moments. No matter how small they are. To try and take my mind off things. So to all my friends I am sorry I seem down or off in the moment, but it doesn't mean I don't want to be there. It just means I'm very stressed out and want to spend time doing things I enjoy but feel I don't actually have time for that. I don't know.

Hang on to those happy times guys. Adulthood is hard. And I'm sorry for a weird post and how I've been, but it's complicated. All I can do is hope. See you when I see you!

Two Dots.

So like any normal human being. Well at least I hope it is normal to be like this. I
get very involved in certain phone games. It consumes a lot of time, and then after months I forget about it and move on to a new game. In the past my crazes have been 2048, My Little Pony, Sailor Moon, Jelly Splash, Flow and Crossy Road. The most recent game is as the title suggests.

Basically it is one of those connect the dot games, that has
little goals. Like clear a certain number of colours, break the ice, get the anchor to the bottom. Blah blah blah. And I am addicted. Luckily it has a set amount of lives with a timer so unless I pay, which I will never be that addicted to do. There are also events alongside the main "story game" which I am currently at level 168. Just to keep things interesting. I prefer the dash ones more because I find there is a lot more craziness going on in a single move, because of the bombs and bugs and gem things. I love chaos sometimes.

Really I get addicted to the games because it's a nice escape.
I'm all for escapism, hence why I blog, hence why I watch random series on Netflix, hence why I do most things I do. But anywho, I don't really have much else to say so here are some pictures of the game. I suggest playing it. Unless you don't want to see coloured dots every time you close your eyes...

Wow even when writing this blog post I still play it. Now on level 169. Wish me luck guys. I'll see you when I see you! That's if I ever look up from my phone.

Stressing Out.

Hey guys, so this is going to be a quick post, because of what the title states. I'm stressed out. Maybe is the links with my arrival into adulthood, maybe it's about how I know people who speak before thinking leading to disastrous consequences, or maybe it's because I just overthink those things. Who knows fully what the cause is. I know more recently my stress is coming from work. I'm contracted to do 40 hours a week but I'm there more like 50 and for me work doesn't end at work, because when I get home I have to do coursework to pass my level 3 and it's like they don't think about that or try to help me in any way and I'm just a bit sick of it.

Time for me is a very worrying factor, and it's not that I'm not organised, I have an action plan of what aspects of coursework I want to complete by when, and it's very manageable. But the problem is it's not, because I am exhausted. All of the time. And it's making my social life pretty shitty because I want to go hang out, go out, and I then panic that I am too tired and would have work early or there is a mountain of coursework left to complete. Which annoys me. Because as much as I do enjoy being at work. It's not my life.

It's a difficult situation at work at the minute which is why I think everyone is stressed out, but it feels like no-one is trying to boost the moral of the team. I've gotten to the point of finding it very difficult to motivate myself to actually get out of bed and go to work at the minute. And I hope it will sort itself out eventually, because this is not the life I signed up for. But right now I don't see anything changing to make me happier.

This is why my blog post has been lacking recently. Which I really hate because to me this is my escape and distraction from things that stress me out. But I guess I am trying to be responsible in the sense that I know blogging will take time away from doing productive things like coursework or from sleeping. Both things I probably need to do more. So I'm sorry about that. I am trying at least. Maybe that's my problem. I try to do so many things, please so many people. Would it be better to just be selfish and think about myself?

I don't know. But I do know that I will see you when I see you!

2 Decades Old.

Birthdays are weird when you think about it. You spend so much time worrying about who you want there, what gifts you must get and how it goes to make it perfect. But does it really matter? Because I don't actually remember much about my birthdays.

For example last year I went to the cinema and then hung out in an arcade with some friends and then met Matthew for the second time, he got me some Ferrero Rocher, I remember vaguely what other gifts I got, and I also remember that the week before I went to Nandos with a big group, and the only thing I recall from that is talking about my Tinder experiences and going on Snapchat. The year before I was at 6th form and myself and some friends decorated cupcakes Amy got me. The year before I played laser tag. Who won, I have no clue. 

Then any birthday before that I could barely match up what happened to the year. I remember going to the cinema, and having some sleepovers. I know for a fact my cousin came to my 13th and that is when I tried smoking for the first time, and then failed dropping it onto my trampoline. There was also one birthday where my mum took me and my friends to McDonald's after ice skating..I think...and Hariette treating them to a McFlurry but one of them didn't say thank you and she jokingly made a big deal out of it. And when I was really young I remember friends coming to my house and we played netball (as I had a hoop in the garden) and I got so angry and upset because they wouldn't let me win on my birthday. 

It's so weird thinking that out of my 20 birthdays I only remember a minuscule amount about like a 1/4 of them. Yet I spent so much time worrying that they had to be perfect. Don't get me wrong I still worry. Like to me it is very important who I get to see on my birthday, and it does tend to stress me out trying to balance everybody in my life. Luckily this year I got to see most people I wanted to, aside from a few friends. And I did have an amazing birthday, even though the weather did fail me. But I didn't let that stop me. However, I am too busy to finish my birthday tale in time for the post to go up, so I guess you'll just have to wait. 

Sorry about that. See you when I see you!

Snapchat.

Hi there. Today we are going to have a pointless little post just to fill
the space until something interesting happens in my life. So the topic is Snapchat. More specifically Snapchat filters. Which have been around for God knows how long, but I have only had access to them for the past 4 months. Luckily they still get used. This reason being because my old phone never updated enough to get them to work, so when I got my new phone it was basically for this reason, and then when at first it didn't work and my sister laughed in my face. However, as you can tell by the pictures and the fact there is actually a post means that it did!






Now a theme I enjoy about the snaps are how they do try and change what ones you can use daily, because I
admit I'd get pretty bored if it was the same thing all the time. Which is why I do have a hate for the over used ones such as the dog filter. Sorry I just can't. And then some are just slight variations of the same one, like with all the bloody types of flower crown. Although I do admit I look good in the flower crown. Which is the main reason I like the filters because it makes me look 10x better on a good day, imagine the possibilities on a bad one!

I don't really know what else to say
about Snapchat. I enjoy the story feature and getting random images or videos from someone. And I do enjoy how it cannot be permanently viewed unless you take a screenshot. Not that I send anything crude enough for me to want it erased. I mainly just send selfies to Matt in the latest filter update and then move on with my day. Occasionally updating my story if I can come up with a fun enough tag line, or there is actually something going on in my life.









So as there isn't really that
much in depth to talk about I thought the best filler would be sharing some of the saved pictures I have of me in my more favoured filters. Enjoy!

See you when I see you!