July felt long, but scarily fast at the same time. I think it is because I spent a long part of it terrified because the summer holidays were about to start, and I was dreading it causing another burnout in me, so it just felt like everything was just around the corner. But actually looking back on what I got up to, and remembering the events felt like they happened so long ago. The brain is strange.
I AM ELLI : I think I have felt a little lost with who I am, and everything just feels a little chaotic. Which during a therapy session I realised I am just supressing a lot, and trying to do too much, and feeling like I am doing it all solo, even though I am not, it is very strange. But anyway in terms of my gaming passion, Animal Crossing has definitely taken a step back and I am pretty certain I only played it 2 days in the entire month, but I was branching out to more than just Tomodatchi Life which I also think is a win. I have been trying to get back into creativity as well, testing a new hobby of embroidery, but I will call it sewing because I don't think I actually use any official embroidery techniques and am mainly just making it up as I go along, but I think I have made some cute things thus far. The tote bag is not finished, and is a slow work in progress, but please hold me accountable to actually finish it. Speaking of finished, I finished my giant puzzle, well.. actually I couldn't because I have lost a piece :(I AM A FRIEND: This is a bit of a tricky topic for me right now. Mainly because a big word in my head right now is that I am lonely. But why should I feel that way? I have people in my life I can talk to and do things with but why don't I? And ultimately it is because I am filled with fear of rejection (very common for a neurodiverse brain apparently but still no easier to navigate). Basically I am doing all this stuff and think I want to tell my friends about this, I want to hear about what fun things they have been up to, but what if they actually think the things I have done are not interesting and realise I am not a fun friend to keep around and then I get abandoned. Similarly with calling, messaging or meeting up with them. I fear I will say or so something wrong that will make them think I am not worth their time. So I am having a lot of conversations with my friends in my head. I am slowly trying to break out of that habit, and I guess we will see how that goes in our August catch up.
I AM A MOTHER: I would say I am winning on the mother front at the moment. We have been trying to survive the heat with water fights, and I sacrifice my fan at night so she can get a cool nights sleep, during the random heatwaves. water fights, trip to pleasure beach. Just get the usual guilt when she overstimulates me, or I just generally fear I am going to let her down in some way.
I AM A HOMEOWNER: I need to get back on task with sorting the house, even though it isn't bad per say, I just have gone a bit slack with my daily tasks and whatnot. Though I am proud of myself for sorting out the garden toy box I have been procrastinating, and sorting through a memory box in the summer house (which is why I think I lost puzzle piece...) I also FINALLY took 2 bags to the charity shop so my spare room isn't as cluttered. Also put in a lot of effort to tidy Nora's room, though I do not have much hope it will last long.
I AM IN A FAMILY: July has been very busy on the family front. I have done my usual trips to both my nan's having lovely catch ups. My dad had a week off around my mum's birthday so we went out a couple of times for some meals, and just had chats over a cuppa at my house. As it was mother's birthday I have spent lots of time with her, either on the phone, out for meals, chatting in my garden. But the best moment was definitely when we went to go see Mamma Mia! Being able to act silly, have a dance and sing, and now we have made plans for future theatre trips. Hariette and I have also seen lots of each other, and we had a great time on a weekend getaway in London. Sidenote, but there was issues with my train the morning I was to leave and I sorted it all on my own without help from anyone!!! But yeah I met Hal in London and we did a quick bit of shopping and food before going to watch Heathers The Musical, and it was "so beautiful" then we battled the heat our hotel room, as we got ready for the My Chemical Romance concert at Wembley. My god the place was huge, and loud, and overstimulating, and Gerard Way just kept insisting they were going to sing just one more song, and yeah listening and singing along to the awesome music was great, but I also needed me some sleep. 
I AM A PARTNER: I would say I did pretty well holding up to my goal of having more quality time with Dean, even if it was something as simple as laying in on the weekend Nora is with her dad, and cuddling in bed. We have made the odd little walking trip, and went to try out the Cornetto McFlurry, which the price of is just getting ridiculous. I have really appreciated the trips out he planned for our little family, and even just ourselves. I had much fun going kayaking, even though Dean became grumpy I took off my life jacket... We have been planning some great times for August also, so come back for those. I AM AN EMPLOYEE: My life at work has been fairly successful as I have completed my targets, and feel I am getting more to be part of the team. I would even argue I have been feeling kind of confident in my job... Even though I did try to apply for something new, it was term time only, and had hours that worked better around Nora, but sadly I didn't even get an interview. But like I said my current job seems to be going good right now.
So the summer is off to a sweltering start, and I need to try to think of targets to survive the rest of it.
- Create a habit to journal for my mental health.
- Celebrate Amy's birthday!
- Take Nora Swimming.
- Declutter the Summer House.
- Do something nice for my Dad.
- Try the glow paddleboarding evening with Dean.
- Organise myself for the changes that will take place in September.
See you when I see you!