Was It So Bad?- September

Looking back at September it felt fucking long, but I feel like I do not actually have much to show for it, so I guess that is making me feel a little glum in reflection. But when I think about it, I had gotten the traditional Autumnal ills, and I was trying to readjust to life with Nora back at school, so it was mainly just getting through the day. 

I AM ELLI : Okay I tell a lie, the images for this section does actually seem like I have been up to a lot. Dean got us Crash Bandicoot as a game which was very nostalgic, and the whole family have enjoyed playing. I have been very crafty with puzzle, sewing, paining and lego projects, and I was proud of myself for finally finishing a book. I achieved my goal to try out a new cooking recipe and made Dean and I some Viking Pork (I had a vegetarian equivalent) with cauliflower cheese mash. It was pretty good, and I even created a tiktok about it, because apparently I tiktok now. My journaling has been very hit and miss, but I would say I have been kinder to myself in general, and when I have had my low days, which I will always have I am human, they haven't been catastrophically low like in the past, so I am improving. 

I AM A FRIEND: It has been so nice to get back with the community groups. It took a little adjustment and I noticed the mask did go up for the first sessions, but as time went by I realised I can be my authentic crazy self and it was so refreshing to be able to express myself, as Nora often finds my stims and things annoying. I did attempt to meet with friends but the business of life just got in the way, though I felt we had good interactions over messenger, so I don't feel like they hate me, in my RSD way. Hopefully we can all get together soon. 

I AM A MOTHER: I am going to use this space to remind myself that I am doing a fucking good job. Because Nora was able to go back to school, and when she had worries about her peers, or the work I was able to support her through it. Yeah it feels a little lonely that she only relies on me for this support, but I am trying to encourage her that others will be in her corner just as much as I am. We have had lots of fun times together, playing an insane amount of Barbie, trying to be crafty, etc. There have been some guilty days, because I was getting tired and irritable from the ills and I wanted to give her more, but I am only human, and luckily I had Dean help step in, and hearing them play together always warms my little heart. 

I AM A HOMEOWNER: To try and keep on top of everything I made myself a little cleaning rota, breaking the tasks down for each room and having those rotate over 8 weeks. This is to hopefully please my routine loving autistic brain, but having something different each week to please my ADHD brain. I did sort out mine and Nora's clothing, however they are just currently in a dump pile waiting for the next stage, but at least I jumped one hurdle! My home is currently being ransacked by builders, as Dean has sorted out our house being re-rendered. Which should be exciting because it will look pretty, and will be warmer in the winter and hopefully can save money on heating, but having people at the exterior of the house all the time makes me a bit uncomfortable. Hopefully it won't stress me out for too much of October.

I AM IN A FAMILY: I realised that I never actually finished writing the goal in last month's post. It was meant to say about reaching out to my extended family, and I have achieved that. I have seen all my normal relatives, but we also spent an evening at my great Aunt's house. It followed a lovely day at Pleasurewood Hills, and I am impressed how my sister managed to convince me to go on rides that would normally fill me with so much anxiety. And rightly so because I did fall below the barrier into the footwell on the Marvellous Marble ride. NEVER AGAIN. As Pleasurewood Hills is close to my great Aunt's house, and this particularly weekend my Nannie was visiting her, we decided to drop by and played this weird beetle game, and ate food from her local chippy. It was also a nice surprise to see more of the family there, even though my time with them was only brief.  Something I have quite liked this month is how me and my mum are becoming each other's body doubles to run errands. She helped me collect my prescription and I go shopping with her. 

I AM A PARTNER: I had completely forgotten that Dean had planned a night out for us to see Chris Ramsey at the Theatre Royal, so the planning and preparation for it stressed me out. It got a little to the point that I didn't want to go, but I am glad that I did because we had a lovely time, and it was nice to escape and laugh and enjoy the Geordie accent. I have gotten Dean small little treasures, like a pack of biscuits, but I feel he does deserve more than this, as he has been such a big support to keep me in check.

I AM AN EMPLOYEE: I have felt relatively positive about my job this month. Because even having a little wobble with the autumnal ills, I made the right choice to have a day to rest and it enabled me to return to my normal functioning, and there have been more going into work motivated. I think it helped that I created a plan to achieve different goals and trying to prioritise tasks, as I have been able to complete everything and not feel overwhelmed by it. Even had a staff meeting that I didn't have a complete meltdown afterwards. So woohoo.  

Right next month I shall...

• Make some Halloween crafts!
• Try to see my friends for the spooky season!
• Support Nora with her schoolwork.  
• Make my house spooky for Halloween. 
• Show mum appreciation.
• Get Dean a token of my appreciation for him. 
• Complete my trackers before the deadline. 

See you when I see you!