Hey, so I had my interview yesterday (sorry I didn't write about it then, but I got distracted by things and people. But anywho. For some reason I woke up at like 6 and I was like WAA! Cause I felt like if I stayed awake I would be tired for my interview at 5pm so I forced myself to take naps but they weren't really working out, so I just gave up and watched tv.
I then showered and packed and prepared and watched more tv. Then I went to the city to get some shoes because all shoes I own don't look professional. I then went to BK and saw Amy working (I got my usual) and she gave me this drawing of a bear and it said good luck on it, she had it already prepared! It was so cute and made me feel a lot better (thank you Amy!) Then as I still had time I wandered around the city, and witnessed this random violent attack.
I felt insanely overdressed, cause when I finally got into the shop others, there for the interview, were dressed slightly more casual. Ugh. But I kept a smile on my face to show enthusiasm. The interview was at Build-A-Bear and it was with a group of other people and we were told to pick a toy and then dress them, as well as saying amazing facts about ourselves, then the rest was mainly about how the shop ran and when we'd be available. Overall I think it went pretty well, but everyone there was pretty much on the same level. I was the only one who asked a question so I feel that may have got me noticed.
They said they would email about a 1-1 interview, but I haven't gotten anything yet, but it hasn't even been 24 hours so I'm not going to be all :/ about it. I will get one when I get one, and if I don't then I am grateful for the opportunity to go to the group interview.
After this I went home, ate an ice cream, youtubed, facebooked and slept.
See you in the 'morrow!
Saturday 31 May 2014
Thursday 29 May 2014
I GOT AN INTERVIEW!!!
I GOT A JOB INTERVIEW!!!! Yay! It was a year today I had my first interview for a job (at Primark) and they rejected me but never told me why. I wish I knew why so that way I could try and work on it. But since that (which was my first ever interview) I have never had an interview again despite the hundreds of job applications.
Not only this but my interview is at a company which I have now applied to like 7 times, so SUCCESS! Finally they have considered me! Maybe they are insanely desperate. Either way. I was very excited to get the interview, I practically screamed when I hung up on the phone, then Hal told me that I didn't properly hang up. Let's pray they didn't hear me. Unless they enjoyed my enthusiasm.
Anywho my interview is tomorrow so today I have been preparing for it by thinking of questions to ask, doing some company research and preparing answers for possible questions they might I ask. I have also been finding a suitable outfit to wear to make me look professional. But I have been doing all this instead of revising, so have I made a good decision? Hmm maybe, I still have 4 more days to revise and less than 24 hours before my interview, and I think a job is a little more important to me right now so I think I am using my time wisely.
I'm not going to get too excited about this though, because it is just an interview, and there is still a high chance I will not get the job. Therefore I have to be realistic. However I guess slight optimism can do no harm. I'm employable right? Well you wont answer because for all I know you don't even exist. But I feel you should all wish me luck for my interview tomorrow. I shall let you know how I think it went. Then later how I actually did.
See you in the 'morrow!
Not only this but my interview is at a company which I have now applied to like 7 times, so SUCCESS! Finally they have considered me! Maybe they are insanely desperate. Either way. I was very excited to get the interview, I practically screamed when I hung up on the phone, then Hal told me that I didn't properly hang up. Let's pray they didn't hear me. Unless they enjoyed my enthusiasm.
Anywho my interview is tomorrow so today I have been preparing for it by thinking of questions to ask, doing some company research and preparing answers for possible questions they might I ask. I have also been finding a suitable outfit to wear to make me look professional. But I have been doing all this instead of revising, so have I made a good decision? Hmm maybe, I still have 4 more days to revise and less than 24 hours before my interview, and I think a job is a little more important to me right now so I think I am using my time wisely.
I'm not going to get too excited about this though, because it is just an interview, and there is still a high chance I will not get the job. Therefore I have to be realistic. However I guess slight optimism can do no harm. I'm employable right? Well you wont answer because for all I know you don't even exist. But I feel you should all wish me luck for my interview tomorrow. I shall let you know how I think it went. Then later how I actually did.
See you in the 'morrow!
Wednesday 28 May 2014
Half of my Half Term
Hey there! Sorry I didn't blog yesterday, things got a bit ugh but yeah I am back! So in this post I shall talk about my Half Term so far, and probably about what I'm going to do.
So mainly I have been revising for my upcoming biology exam, it's going ok, I'm not quite confident enough yet but I have a few more days and a few different techniques to try out so hopefully I can do enough to get a respectable grade. I think my other exam went good though, and I got an A in the course work, so I need to not completely fail this 50% to make all that not go to waste.
Ok now onto non revision side. Mainly I have been watching Tv and Youtube, and I finally finished my book I've been wanting to finish since I started reading it 3 months ago, but never had the time because of school. On Sunday I went to the city with the parents and I wandered around with Hal for a bit before she went to work, then I went in Primark with mum and got a new top and vest and tights and shiz. Then went we went to get served I realised there was a chance I could get served by Jamie, and I was buying underwear. This would have been awkward. But it's ok guys I didn't get served by him YAY!
On Monday I mainly revised.
Moving onto Tuesday (yesterday for those of you not smart enough to figure it out) I went last minute bowling with Hal and her friend Hannah. On the way there Hal hit her head on the side of the bus then demonstrated how she hit it by whacking her head again, which made me laugh. Once we got there we found Hannah and realised we couldn't play a game until like 5 (it was 3 at this point) so Hal treated us to a pub meal. Then we bowled somehow I didn't come last because that went to Hannah. I came second .Then by some miracle Hal (who had not been bowling for like 3 years) won! Then we went home.
Today I did more revision and relaxed a bit and blogged obviously. Tomorrow I am planning on going for a pub meal with the gramps and then do more revision, Friday is also going to be primarily revision, and the weekend is going to be mainly revision
So that is Half of my Half Term (and pretty much the rest) See you in the 'morrow!
So mainly I have been revising for my upcoming biology exam, it's going ok, I'm not quite confident enough yet but I have a few more days and a few different techniques to try out so hopefully I can do enough to get a respectable grade. I think my other exam went good though, and I got an A in the course work, so I need to not completely fail this 50% to make all that not go to waste.
Ok now onto non revision side. Mainly I have been watching Tv and Youtube, and I finally finished my book I've been wanting to finish since I started reading it 3 months ago, but never had the time because of school. On Sunday I went to the city with the parents and I wandered around with Hal for a bit before she went to work, then I went in Primark with mum and got a new top and vest and tights and shiz. Then went we went to get served I realised there was a chance I could get served by Jamie, and I was buying underwear. This would have been awkward. But it's ok guys I didn't get served by him YAY!
On Monday I mainly revised.
Moving onto Tuesday (yesterday for those of you not smart enough to figure it out) I went last minute bowling with Hal and her friend Hannah. On the way there Hal hit her head on the side of the bus then demonstrated how she hit it by whacking her head again, which made me laugh. Once we got there we found Hannah and realised we couldn't play a game until like 5 (it was 3 at this point) so Hal treated us to a pub meal. Then we bowled somehow I didn't come last because that went to Hannah. I came second .Then by some miracle Hal (who had not been bowling for like 3 years) won! Then we went home.
Today I did more revision and relaxed a bit and blogged obviously. Tomorrow I am planning on going for a pub meal with the gramps and then do more revision, Friday is also going to be primarily revision, and the weekend is going to be mainly revision
So that is Half of my Half Term (and pretty much the rest) See you in the 'morrow!
Monday 26 May 2014
Lazy Revision
Why Hi, just thought I'd start with a little rhyme to keep you all interested. Basically this is going to be my distraction away from revision so it may not make that much sense as I will just pick up on random topics just to keep me writing, well typing. So I still have one exam left. Biology Unit 2 which is worth like 50% of my final grade so I am a little panicked about it because I look at how big the section is in my biology book and I don't think I will be able to remember it all. AAK!
On the brightside however, it is half term, so it means I get to spend the majority of the week purely revising for this one exam, hopefully meaning I can then gain a good grade from it. :) Smiles all round. The exam is also in the afternoon so I can cram in some revision on the day as well. However, right now I am not motivated to revise. I have done some. But it is incredibly lazy and I am not actually sure I am taking anything in. I think it's cause I stayed up late last night and woke up late so I'm still really tired. Maybe if I go back to a kind of school schedule I will feel more active and then can actually do something productive. Hmm maybe, but I'm still going to try and revise now even if I'm not motivated, because I guess it is better than nothing.
And I know what you are thinking. you are wasting your half term revising, when you could be seeing friends or chillaxing. Well after my exams I will have 10 days of no school, so that will essentially be my chillax time. Even though I have kind of been chillaxing today. Why do I keep using the term chillax? AAKK! Revision is really getting to me.
See you in the 'morrow!
On the brightside however, it is half term, so it means I get to spend the majority of the week purely revising for this one exam, hopefully meaning I can then gain a good grade from it. :) Smiles all round. The exam is also in the afternoon so I can cram in some revision on the day as well. However, right now I am not motivated to revise. I have done some. But it is incredibly lazy and I am not actually sure I am taking anything in. I think it's cause I stayed up late last night and woke up late so I'm still really tired. Maybe if I go back to a kind of school schedule I will feel more active and then can actually do something productive. Hmm maybe, but I'm still going to try and revise now even if I'm not motivated, because I guess it is better than nothing.
And I know what you are thinking. you are wasting your half term revising, when you could be seeing friends or chillaxing. Well after my exams I will have 10 days of no school, so that will essentially be my chillax time. Even though I have kind of been chillaxing today. Why do I keep using the term chillax? AAKK! Revision is really getting to me.
See you in the 'morrow!
Sunday 25 May 2014
Bathtub Resolutions!
Hi Everybody! (Hi Doctor Nick!) I used to love The Simpsons I'd watch it all the time with the family. Anywho... I've taken another short break, and I feel kind of bad, but I have been busy and stressed and you just don't want to be dealing with me when I am like that. But I'm back now, well for today at least.
So recently I've had exams that have gone ok and I have restarted the stress of job searching. Mainly because I have gotten to the point where I would like money to buy things, and do more socialising activities. But my main reason is I want to start thinking about my future.
At around 17 most people start to think about leaving home, and despite the fact I love living here because I have the loving dependence of my mother and father I would quite like to move out and have a place of my own. I say of my own there is no way I'd actually live on my own, the pressure of that scares me. I mean what if you live alone and something happens, there is no-one in the next room to save you or go down with you. Plus living with friends and/or others sounds pretty fun. but to do all this I need money. Which I'll need to save. Hence why I need a job. So far I have applied to like 6 so hopefully I can get at least 1 interview.
But this got me thinking. And where did I do this thinking? In the tub. It's where I tend to do all my important life decisions. Sometimes I just sit in there when I am not taking a bath, to think. And other times I can't because my cat sleeps in there and I don't wish to disturb him. Back to my original thought. Whilst in the tub I got thinking about my future and thought. Yeah I'd like a stable job but in 10 years time do I really want to be working in Mcdonalds? Do I really want that to be my career choice? So I remembered my thoughts of long ago before I started A-Levels, back in the day I was all set out to become apart of some sort of social care.
However, a lot of forms of social care involve degrees and graduate certificates gained from attending Uni, which really is not part of my plan as I feel I will get too stressed out from the pressure of doing well then, let alone the pressure I will have now of getting the grades to get into Uni. So after some research I found some career choices where you do not need Uni qualifications, but you just need to start out volunteering and then they can train you further. I HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE! YAAAAY!
So once I finish my A-levels, I am going to spend a year working in some form or retail or waitressing to earn some money and just be better prepared financially, and maybe just have a bit of fun with my life, like partying and shizzle. Then I am going to look into volunteering and training to become a health care assistant. And then do that for however long I want to do that, or however long I'm allowed to, depending on other factors.
Therefore I bestow this information onto you: if you are ever feeling lost about a certain path to chose, just spend some time in the tub thinking it over, and something will come to mind. :)
See you in the 'morrow!
Tuesday 20 May 2014
Some Panicky Times
Despite the trauma of my psychology exam, today wasn't actually that bad. I had a lie in, and some panicky times, then I got to 6th form and spoke with peoples about stuff. Can never remember what I talk about at break time.
But as we were walking to lessons something memorable happened. For some reason I don't know why because I missed that part of the conversation Jessie walked Amy to her lesson and she was wearing these glasses that made her look like a bodyguard. So I pretended to be a crazy fan and hugged Amy and then my bag broke. So it was delightful.
Then I got out of biology to revise for the exam we can never speak of again, and went to private study with Emily, Claire, and Lish Most of the time we did a lot of revision. But I panicked a lot that I was going to fail, and then there were moments of distractions. Such as being touched by Claire, talking about the immune system. And just general chit chat.
After this was Lunch which was interesting. Random conversations, Maddy analysing Connor's abnormal behaviour, then trying to figure out things about other people using pupil dilations. I went to go see Maddy. I hugged her from behind and she moved my head to try and pretend to kiss me on the cheek but she moved my head to much and then she actually kissed me on the lips and we just burst out laughing
Then it was ugh. But after this some of us sat on the grass making daisy chains. Anywho I then went home with Claire (not that she is still in my house) and we took some weird selfies. I say we, I was the weird one. But that wasn't really a surprise was it?
See you in the 'morrow!
But as we were walking to lessons something memorable happened. For some reason I don't know why because I missed that part of the conversation Jessie walked Amy to her lesson and she was wearing these glasses that made her look like a bodyguard. So I pretended to be a crazy fan and hugged Amy and then my bag broke. So it was delightful.
Then I got out of biology to revise for the exam we can never speak of again, and went to private study with Emily, Claire, and Lish Most of the time we did a lot of revision. But I panicked a lot that I was going to fail, and then there were moments of distractions. Such as being touched by Claire, talking about the immune system. And just general chit chat.
After this was Lunch which was interesting. Random conversations, Maddy analysing Connor's abnormal behaviour, then trying to figure out things about other people using pupil dilations. I went to go see Maddy. I hugged her from behind and she moved my head to try and pretend to kiss me on the cheek but she moved my head to much and then she actually kissed me on the lips and we just burst out laughing
Then it was ugh. But after this some of us sat on the grass making daisy chains. Anywho I then went home with Claire (not that she is still in my house) and we took some weird selfies. I say we, I was the weird one. But that wasn't really a surprise was it?
See you in the 'morrow!
Monday 19 May 2014
Now Panic and Freak Out
A poster on my wall says that. And in this situation it is completely true. I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. Yesterday I was all I don't care about results, but that was yesterday, today I seem to be all: Yup I'm going to fail and cry and my life will just mean nothing because I cannot get a good grade.
UGGGGGHHHHH. Someone help me, take my mind away from the pressure of my Unit 2 psychology exam. I'm going to fail it so bad that my hard work for Unit 1 will just be wasted and that isn't good. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm stressing out so much that my stomach hurts, probably immune suppression caused by stress. See Elli you remembered that, maybe you won't fail. Knowing that information alone is not going to get me a pass is it?!
Guys wish me luck. I'm going to need a miracle.
See you in the 'morrow!
Unless I die of failure.
UGGGGGHHHHH. Someone help me, take my mind away from the pressure of my Unit 2 psychology exam. I'm going to fail it so bad that my hard work for Unit 1 will just be wasted and that isn't good. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm stressing out so much that my stomach hurts, probably immune suppression caused by stress. See Elli you remembered that, maybe you won't fail. Knowing that information alone is not going to get me a pass is it?!
Guys wish me luck. I'm going to need a miracle.
See you in the 'morrow!
Unless I die of failure.
Sunday 18 May 2014
Not 100% Woop!
Hey, long time no blog post. I know that's weird from me, but I've either been busy, had nothing to post about, or have been too pissed off at the world to write about it. I'm still not 100% Woop! But I thought I should update you on events and life and shizzle.
So basically I am a little bit stressed about exams because I have 3 this week 2 of which I am not looking forward to. But I'll get by cause I'm not all that bothered by results. Mainly cause I don't want to go to Uni. However the school are all like, ugh it's such a crucial time for you yaddayaddayadda. But not to me. There is much more stuff in the world of madness that is my life that I care about a lot more. Quite frankly school is just unneeded stress, that triggers the other stress to return.
This happened on Friday, I got ever so slightly stressed about exams then I started thinking about other things and ended up having a breakdown, which was made worse by people who do not need to get involved getting involved so I skipped the rest of school cause I just couldn't be there and then I got a text saying I need to go see a teacher cause I shouldn't miss such a crucial time and I was like FUCK YOU ALL.
I'd like to thank Claire a lot for Friday, cause she didn't ask too many questions she just listened and was there. I appreciate everyone else asking if I was ok and trying to be there to, even if I didn't seem like it at the time.
Anywho that is the update over, I might blog soon, you don't know. OH THE SUSPENSE! Will I? Won't I? We don't know? See you in the 'morrow! or will I?
So basically I am a little bit stressed about exams because I have 3 this week 2 of which I am not looking forward to. But I'll get by cause I'm not all that bothered by results. Mainly cause I don't want to go to Uni. However the school are all like, ugh it's such a crucial time for you yaddayaddayadda. But not to me. There is much more stuff in the world of madness that is my life that I care about a lot more. Quite frankly school is just unneeded stress, that triggers the other stress to return.
This happened on Friday, I got ever so slightly stressed about exams then I started thinking about other things and ended up having a breakdown, which was made worse by people who do not need to get involved getting involved so I skipped the rest of school cause I just couldn't be there and then I got a text saying I need to go see a teacher cause I shouldn't miss such a crucial time and I was like FUCK YOU ALL.
I'd like to thank Claire a lot for Friday, cause she didn't ask too many questions she just listened and was there. I appreciate everyone else asking if I was ok and trying to be there to, even if I didn't seem like it at the time.
Anywho that is the update over, I might blog soon, you don't know. OH THE SUSPENSE! Will I? Won't I? We don't know? See you in the 'morrow! or will I?
Wednesday 14 May 2014
I Gots The Ills
Hey guys, I got the ills and I need lots of sleep to recover so this is just going to be a quick little thing.
I hate being ills cause all through today I have been sniffly and ugh, my head has been on fire, I've been extremely tired and I've needed to sneeze a lot but couldn't, one even turned into a yawn.
I didn't have an exam today YAY. But this meant a lot of revision. It was kind of fun sitting there with my friends, talking about Claire dying her hair blonde to get le sex, reading Lish's book over her shoulder and spoiling it for her.
Ok I have nothing else to say so this is going to be an extremely small blog. Oh wait. By the way reached 4,000 pageviews yesterday very happy with that. Thanks for those who read my posts. I appreciate it. Cause then it makes me feel like I am not just talking to myself, even though this is essentially what I am doing. But Thank you!
See you in the 'morrow!
I hate being ills cause all through today I have been sniffly and ugh, my head has been on fire, I've been extremely tired and I've needed to sneeze a lot but couldn't, one even turned into a yawn.
I didn't have an exam today YAY. But this meant a lot of revision. It was kind of fun sitting there with my friends, talking about Claire dying her hair blonde to get le sex, reading Lish's book over her shoulder and spoiling it for her.
Ok I have nothing else to say so this is going to be an extremely small blog. Oh wait. By the way reached 4,000 pageviews yesterday very happy with that. Thanks for those who read my posts. I appreciate it. Cause then it makes me feel like I am not just talking to myself, even though this is essentially what I am doing. But Thank you!
See you in the 'morrow!
Tuesday 13 May 2014
The First Hurdle
So I had my first two exams today, and honestly they weren't that bad. I wasn't too bothered about film studies as it is more of a bonus, but I was really stressy about psychology. I had a crazy last minute revision session these past couple of days and it looked like that worked out well for me because I felt confident answering most of the questions, apart from the last one I mean what the fuck was happening there?
But now I feel slightly more confident going into my exams next week, and hopefully I can actually get into A2 and even get a grade I am proud of, however how I've been feeling the past few days about what grades I'd get I'd be happy as long as I didn't get U's.
Well I'm not going to say a lot, cause I need sleep, so I can start a new day of revision tomorrow! Ugh Revision. it can get so tedious sometimes, but I think the evidence today shows it is worth it. So this was my first couple of hurdles and it seemed to go smoothly, hopefully I won't fall on one cause that would be embarrassing wouldn't it? But I think the real question is why the fuck am I hurdling? I have exams to do!
See you in the 'morrow!
But now I feel slightly more confident going into my exams next week, and hopefully I can actually get into A2 and even get a grade I am proud of, however how I've been feeling the past few days about what grades I'd get I'd be happy as long as I didn't get U's.
Well I'm not going to say a lot, cause I need sleep, so I can start a new day of revision tomorrow! Ugh Revision. it can get so tedious sometimes, but I think the evidence today shows it is worth it. So this was my first couple of hurdles and it seemed to go smoothly, hopefully I won't fall on one cause that would be embarrassing wouldn't it? But I think the real question is why the fuck am I hurdling? I have exams to do!
See you in the 'morrow!
Monday 12 May 2014
Freak Out Mode Activated!
This was it, my last day before the start of my exams. AKKK! Freak out mode activated! Well honestly I haven't freaked out so much, even though I have two exams tomorrow, but one of them is film studies and that isn't completely worrying. But then there's psychology. For about 5 hours today I have been revising for this exam, and that added to the hours I have put in before, if I don't get a good grade I will hate myself.
But the exams aren't scaring me that much, I guess. I say that now tomorrow I will probably complain a lot about how much I failed. Ugh. And if by some miracle I do not fail I have to do this all again next year. What Joy!
For those who too have an exam tomorrow, I wish you luck and hope you all do brilliantly, and for those who have already had exams I'm sure you did great in them too. I'm going to believe I shall do well going into the exam, maybe that confidence can help me succeed. We'll see. Luckily I only have two exams tomorrow then a whole week until my next one, so I have time to focus on those after it.
Ok let's just distract from that with a quick look at my day:
I got to school and was given an easter egg by Lish.
I had a single private study where I revised for psychology.
I had a single Media Studies, where Jessie and I laughed about some stuff and we prepared for our exam tomorrow.
I then had break where I can't remember anything that happened.
Then it was more private study with Aims and we trapped Lish in her seat when Claire tried to get her to go to the common room. (I did yet more revision for psychology)
Another hour of studying.
Then I had lunch where I ate the easter egg, snuggled with Jessie, had random chit chat and other stoof.
After this was double biology where like half our class where in an exam so there was 5 of us. We did some revision with Miss, but mainly we spoke to her about random things. it was pretty good. And it made me realise how much I knew about her topics for the first exam.
Anywho that is all, and I should sleep, cause you apparently do better if you get lots of sleep. Apparently. See you in the 'morrow! Hopefully I did not die from failure.
But the exams aren't scaring me that much, I guess. I say that now tomorrow I will probably complain a lot about how much I failed. Ugh. And if by some miracle I do not fail I have to do this all again next year. What Joy!
For those who too have an exam tomorrow, I wish you luck and hope you all do brilliantly, and for those who have already had exams I'm sure you did great in them too. I'm going to believe I shall do well going into the exam, maybe that confidence can help me succeed. We'll see. Luckily I only have two exams tomorrow then a whole week until my next one, so I have time to focus on those after it.
Ok let's just distract from that with a quick look at my day:
I got to school and was given an easter egg by Lish.
I had a single private study where I revised for psychology.
I had a single Media Studies, where Jessie and I laughed about some stuff and we prepared for our exam tomorrow.
I then had break where I can't remember anything that happened.
Then it was more private study with Aims and we trapped Lish in her seat when Claire tried to get her to go to the common room. (I did yet more revision for psychology)
Another hour of studying.
Then I had lunch where I ate the easter egg, snuggled with Jessie, had random chit chat and other stoof.
After this was double biology where like half our class where in an exam so there was 5 of us. We did some revision with Miss, but mainly we spoke to her about random things. it was pretty good. And it made me realise how much I knew about her topics for the first exam.
Anywho that is all, and I should sleep, cause you apparently do better if you get lots of sleep. Apparently. See you in the 'morrow! Hopefully I did not die from failure.
Sunday 11 May 2014
I Just Can't
Does anyone else have that thing, that no matter how much you put your mind to it, and no matter how close you get to completing what you set out to do, you just can't do it. I know what some people will say, "Nothing is impossible" and I know that, and I know that I probably could do this. But there is this very strong feeling telling me I can't and I panic and UGH.
The worst thing about it all though is that it is really important that I go and do this, and that certain people either want me to do it, or say I have to. Since one of those people is someone i really care about, I am torn. Cause I really want to do it for them, and I see the importance, which is why I tried to do it yesterday. But on the way there I was freaking the fuck out but I was like, "you can do this" but then we were like so close and I was like "nope!" and walked away. I hated it cause no matter how much he told me it was ok I was like I know you think otherwise.
This whole situation is taking over my life and I don't like it. I feel every conversation I have with him always comes back to this topic, and no matter how many times he says otherwise, I know it's all my fault, because I am the one creating difficulties. It sucks. It all just sucks. Because there is this part of me that is accepting to do it, for him. But then there is this part that is just screaming at me to run away and pretend none of this needs to happen. But it does.
He agreed that he wouldn't talk about it anymore, cause I got really ugh yesterday and just felt like giving up. But I know he still thinks about it. I know he still wants me to do it, I can see it everytime I look at him. And that look kills me, cause I'm letting him down. But no matter how hard I try I just don't think I'll be able to do it. And there is this dark side of my brain that thinks this is going to ruin my relationship, and it will all be my fault.
So what do I do?
By the way whatever you think this is about, you are probably wrong.
See you in the 'morrow!
The worst thing about it all though is that it is really important that I go and do this, and that certain people either want me to do it, or say I have to. Since one of those people is someone i really care about, I am torn. Cause I really want to do it for them, and I see the importance, which is why I tried to do it yesterday. But on the way there I was freaking the fuck out but I was like, "you can do this" but then we were like so close and I was like "nope!" and walked away. I hated it cause no matter how much he told me it was ok I was like I know you think otherwise.
This whole situation is taking over my life and I don't like it. I feel every conversation I have with him always comes back to this topic, and no matter how many times he says otherwise, I know it's all my fault, because I am the one creating difficulties. It sucks. It all just sucks. Because there is this part of me that is accepting to do it, for him. But then there is this part that is just screaming at me to run away and pretend none of this needs to happen. But it does.
He agreed that he wouldn't talk about it anymore, cause I got really ugh yesterday and just felt like giving up. But I know he still thinks about it. I know he still wants me to do it, I can see it everytime I look at him. And that look kills me, cause I'm letting him down. But no matter how hard I try I just don't think I'll be able to do it. And there is this dark side of my brain that thinks this is going to ruin my relationship, and it will all be my fault.
So what do I do?
By the way whatever you think this is about, you are probably wrong.
See you in the 'morrow!
Friday 9 May 2014
A Quick Little Post...
So this is going to be a quick little blog post about my day:
I woke up and walked to school and I made the bad choice of wearing a dress as it started raining. In my defence it was sunny when I put the damn thing on! Then when we got there it was break time and we spoke about things I can't remember. So lets move onto Media where we were doing exam prep and I remember laughing a lot with Jessie, and then she got pissed off we me cause I suggested to sir we watch the advert that pisses her off. SORRY JASS <3.
Then it was lunchtime and the group hung out in the quiet common room. I got a temporary tattoo and ate some skittles, ice cream and gingernuts. Man I'm going to get fat! There was some talk about Lish and her flirtationship and then some massive glasses were worn and I can't remember much else. After this was an hour of psychology where we had no teacher so some of us just sat in the classroom doing sort of revision, but mainly just spoke to each other. There was some ordering of who we'd do in the room and then this guy described his penis to me and I pictured it. Traumatised for life.
I waited for the late bus after this with Emily, Claire and we did some sex based quizzes. Hal joined us later and we continued this. I found out that I was supposed to have a baby when I was 14 after losing my virginity in the bedroom whilst standing up. Then we got on the late bus and Emily and I struggled to keep the arm rest up and found it very "satisfying" when we did.
That is all for today, I might see you in the 'morrow!
Thursday 8 May 2014
Exam Warning
I'm scared. I haven't had an exam freak out yet. Some people might see this as a good thing, but not me. I want to have a freak out sooner rather than later. I'd rather have it now than on the day of the exam because that would really freak me out. Maybe someone should just scare me before my first exam so I can get it out of my system.
As my exams are pretty soon I am either going to have to take a break from blogging or write shorter posts. I know. I know. The tragedy. But I needs to focus on revision if I want to do well, and I kind of what to do well if not my self concept goes down and then I'm all miserable for a couple of weeks. And we don't want that now do we? Unless you all have some secret plot against me...How could you? I thought we were friends...
Anywho...I just thought I should update you so you aren't all like. WHERE ARE THE POSTS??? If I don't post just assume I am revising for my exams. Or I'm just sleeping because I have spent too much time revising and need to escape to the land of dreams.
I feel really bad leaving you all, but it might not happen, and if it does it might just be the odd day, cause you never know I may need to blog to relieve stress or something. I don't know. We'll just have to see. I just wanted to warn you so you know what will happen if it happens.
Ok I'm off now, me needs sleep! So remember, either shorter posts or no post for the next monthish. See you in the 'morrow!
As my exams are pretty soon I am either going to have to take a break from blogging or write shorter posts. I know. I know. The tragedy. But I needs to focus on revision if I want to do well, and I kind of what to do well if not my self concept goes down and then I'm all miserable for a couple of weeks. And we don't want that now do we? Unless you all have some secret plot against me...How could you? I thought we were friends...
Anywho...I just thought I should update you so you aren't all like. WHERE ARE THE POSTS??? If I don't post just assume I am revising for my exams. Or I'm just sleeping because I have spent too much time revising and need to escape to the land of dreams.
I feel really bad leaving you all, but it might not happen, and if it does it might just be the odd day, cause you never know I may need to blog to relieve stress or something. I don't know. We'll just have to see. I just wanted to warn you so you know what will happen if it happens.
Ok I'm off now, me needs sleep! So remember, either shorter posts or no post for the next monthish. See you in the 'morrow!
Wednesday 7 May 2014
Dirty Minded
'Ello! Does anyone remember the toy Ello? I do. I used to love that stuff, it was great I'd build houses for my polly pockets cause I was just that cool. Anywho, it's a new day so obviously we need a new blog post. I can't remember much about my day, and I don't think a lot of stuff is completely blog worthy. But there was a moment in Media when the class just burst into laughter and that is when sir tried to be funny saying that he was going to use his "special stick" referring to the USB stick but we all interpreted this wrong and SIr just died of embarrassment.
It's times like this that has made me really how much I have changed. I used to be all innocent and oblivious to some things in the world, but now I am dirty minded and life is just different. It's weird when you know more about the world of sex when you rewatch children's tv you notice they make references (to keep the adults, who watch the show with their kids, entertained) and you are just like, whoa I never understood this when I was younger.
As well as this, since I started 6th form I realised how much my mind has just been switched to the dirty side of things. Like most of the time I turn something into a sexual reference, and I notice that everyone kind of does it. It is really fun sometimes I shall admit, cause it's just a good laugh and you get to use a lot of winky faces and winky faces just make the world a better place ;)
I swear when you're older everything just revolves around sex, and it's pretty weird, cause sometimes it feels like only yesterday we were little children who didn't understand what the fuck was going on half the time, and now we are talking about screwing people and turning innocent phrases into something completely inappropriate. It's really strange when you think about it. Well for me it is anyway. Does anyone else feel this way?
Ok I'm going to end this here cause I need my sleep. See you in the 'morrow!
It's times like this that has made me really how much I have changed. I used to be all innocent and oblivious to some things in the world, but now I am dirty minded and life is just different. It's weird when you know more about the world of sex when you rewatch children's tv you notice they make references (to keep the adults, who watch the show with their kids, entertained) and you are just like, whoa I never understood this when I was younger.
As well as this, since I started 6th form I realised how much my mind has just been switched to the dirty side of things. Like most of the time I turn something into a sexual reference, and I notice that everyone kind of does it. It is really fun sometimes I shall admit, cause it's just a good laugh and you get to use a lot of winky faces and winky faces just make the world a better place ;)
I swear when you're older everything just revolves around sex, and it's pretty weird, cause sometimes it feels like only yesterday we were little children who didn't understand what the fuck was going on half the time, and now we are talking about screwing people and turning innocent phrases into something completely inappropriate. It's really strange when you think about it. Well for me it is anyway. Does anyone else feel this way?
Ok I'm going to end this here cause I need my sleep. See you in the 'morrow!
Tuesday 6 May 2014
The Dawning
Why has nobody been posting? I have nothing to read! I guess if they are busy though it's not really their fault. I just enjoy reading whatever they post about, it kills time. And I can steal ideas for when I have nothing to blog about. But today I shall blog about school, so it doesn't really bother me in that sense.
So Sixy Form. Today I had the morning off which is usually heaven, cause I get to sleep. And sleep is very important to me. But today I awoke from my slumber early to finish some Biology work, which she didn't even check so I woke up for nothing! I got to school earlier to try and finish this work as well, but once it was done I spoke to Jessie in the Study centre about awesome racing car double beds and media exams. Mainly because it dawned on me that my first two exams will be over this time next week. Yeah I should be revising and not blogging.
But blog I must do so I shall try and make this quick. I had break after this and sat in the common room and spoke to people about dreams and questioned Lish about potatoes. Look at that I finally remembered what happened at break time! After this was double Biology where our teacher started talking to us about exams and ugh but it seemed like a good lesson from what I remember.
Then it was lunch and we sat around talking to Lish about Spuds and then I texted him, but she ruined my plan! DAMMIT LISH! Next we had psychology but I really could not be bothered to go to psychology, however we only really had an hour with a teacher and we spent the next hour in the common room, and most of the time was spent making sexual references. Claire and I also ate some calipos.
After all this Claire, Aims, Emily and I went on the late bus, and Claire and I spent most of our time talking to Tom about his pointless "fight" and then I accidently revealed a secret because I am an incredibly bad liar. Like seriously if someone asks me a direct question if I try to lie I can easily give it away just by tone of voice or facial expression. DAMN THIS CURSE.
And that was pretty much my day. So umm yeah. See you in the 'morrow!
So Sixy Form. Today I had the morning off which is usually heaven, cause I get to sleep. And sleep is very important to me. But today I awoke from my slumber early to finish some Biology work, which she didn't even check so I woke up for nothing! I got to school earlier to try and finish this work as well, but once it was done I spoke to Jessie in the Study centre about awesome racing car double beds and media exams. Mainly because it dawned on me that my first two exams will be over this time next week. Yeah I should be revising and not blogging.
But blog I must do so I shall try and make this quick. I had break after this and sat in the common room and spoke to people about dreams and questioned Lish about potatoes. Look at that I finally remembered what happened at break time! After this was double Biology where our teacher started talking to us about exams and ugh but it seemed like a good lesson from what I remember.
Then it was lunch and we sat around talking to Lish about Spuds and then I texted him, but she ruined my plan! DAMMIT LISH! Next we had psychology but I really could not be bothered to go to psychology, however we only really had an hour with a teacher and we spent the next hour in the common room, and most of the time was spent making sexual references. Claire and I also ate some calipos.
After all this Claire, Aims, Emily and I went on the late bus, and Claire and I spent most of our time talking to Tom about his pointless "fight" and then I accidently revealed a secret because I am an incredibly bad liar. Like seriously if someone asks me a direct question if I try to lie I can easily give it away just by tone of voice or facial expression. DAMN THIS CURSE.
And that was pretty much my day. So umm yeah. See you in the 'morrow!
Monday 5 May 2014
Bunny!
I'm tired. Like really tired. And I'm not sure if it is because of lack of sleep, or I'm just fed up. Probably a combination of the two. I'm not really all that up for blogging right now. Originally I was all set to write a post about my day, but shit has happened and I'm not in a good place. I'll be ok though, so if you are worrying don't worry about it. I'm really sorry but I just can't write a full on post today. There's too much going on in my head I can't focus and it will all end up like gobbledegook. So I shall leave you with this picture of a Bunny.
See you in the 'morrow!
See you in the 'morrow!
Onesie Hell Of A Weekend
Why Hello There! So today I am going to talk about my wonderful weekend and what went down and shizzle. Basically as you may or may not know, yesterday I went to a sleepover to celebrate my friend Paige's 17th Birthday. And it was awesome.
So I got a lift in with my mum and met Momo and Jass on the way so I walked the last leg of it with them. We got to her house and stood there questioning which one was going to knock when Paige walked out. She was a little scared to see us standing there. This might of had something to do with us being the first ones there. Shortly Kez and Claire turned up then we had to wait for Lish before we really did anything. When Lish got there we mainly chatted about random stuff. Then played many games of Uno where some friendships were most definitely broken.
After this there was a lot of sitting and lying on each other and just general conversations. This was then followed by food, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Wedges. Yum! So more fun in the teepee after this and we wore some onesies and looked FABULAS! I was a penguin and not to be vain or anything but I think I looked supercute. However my feet were annoying me because it made me walk funny. Then we bashed a pinata and it was hilarious. They are the greatest creation ever. After this Kezia left us :(
But then it got super cold so when we got back inside and just all snuggled together because it was so cold. During this snuggle we seemed to have a lot of conversations about sex and sex related topics. Then slowly we went to sleep. I was incredibly cold and incredibly uncomfortable. Lish stole my duvet so I stole Claire's cover and then we woke up around 4 to sort out this kerfuffle. Then I was awoken by everyone around 8 in the morning. WHAT IS THIS? 8AM! ON THE WEEKEND?! Ugh. but I awoke and got dressed. Then Jessie and Momo left. So it was just Claire, Lish, Paige, and I eating breakfast whilst playing pass the parcel.
After this I went to my nanny's and spent some time there. I found these toy cars in her shed which I used to play with as a child :') the memories, the feels. It was too much. And we spoke about some random things and then I can home and had some random facebook conversations, and made my tongue bleed by accidentally biting it :/
Anywho that was my weekend. It was great to spend it with my friends.See you in the 'morrow!
So I got a lift in with my mum and met Momo and Jass on the way so I walked the last leg of it with them. We got to her house and stood there questioning which one was going to knock when Paige walked out. She was a little scared to see us standing there. This might of had something to do with us being the first ones there. Shortly Kez and Claire turned up then we had to wait for Lish before we really did anything. When Lish got there we mainly chatted about random stuff. Then played many games of Uno where some friendships were most definitely broken.
After this there was a lot of sitting and lying on each other and just general conversations. This was then followed by food, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Wedges. Yum! So more fun in the teepee after this and we wore some onesies and looked FABULAS! I was a penguin and not to be vain or anything but I think I looked supercute. However my feet were annoying me because it made me walk funny. Then we bashed a pinata and it was hilarious. They are the greatest creation ever. After this Kezia left us :(
But then it got super cold so when we got back inside and just all snuggled together because it was so cold. During this snuggle we seemed to have a lot of conversations about sex and sex related topics. Then slowly we went to sleep. I was incredibly cold and incredibly uncomfortable. Lish stole my duvet so I stole Claire's cover and then we woke up around 4 to sort out this kerfuffle. Then I was awoken by everyone around 8 in the morning. WHAT IS THIS? 8AM! ON THE WEEKEND?! Ugh. but I awoke and got dressed. Then Jessie and Momo left. So it was just Claire, Lish, Paige, and I eating breakfast whilst playing pass the parcel.
After this I went to my nanny's and spent some time there. I found these toy cars in her shed which I used to play with as a child :') the memories, the feels. It was too much. And we spoke about some random things and then I can home and had some random facebook conversations, and made my tongue bleed by accidentally biting it :/
Anywho that was my weekend. It was great to spend it with my friends.See you in the 'morrow!
Saturday 3 May 2014
Night in the Teepee
Hello once again for another fantastical blog post. Wait what's going on you are writing this in the middle of the day? Are you feeling well? Yes imaginary person I invented just to ask me pointless questions so I can answer them and fill up space cause I secretly having nothing to post about, I am feeling fine. But I will not be able to blog later for I shall be at a sleepover. That means you get a wonderful post about my weekend events tomorrow! YAY!
So, what am I going to blog about now? Cause I have to since I promised to write a daily blog and I have already failed you once before and I have never forgiven myself for it even though none of you probably even care. BUT I CARE! Anywho...I need to write something now so lets see...I guess I could blog about... yeah I got nothing. Hmm. I'm in a bit of a pickle.
Ok I got something. It may not be that interesting but you are going to read it and like it. Basically my thought process was I'm really looking forward to this sleepover, mainly because last year when I went it was awesome, So I thought, why not tell you all about the last one!
Well it was about the same time last year and my friend Paige had a sleepover for her birthday. We all slept in a Teepee for the night in her garden and it was awesome. We played with balloons and had this strange game with dares and stuff. We watched some films and we cuddled with some bunnies and guinea pigs. Oh they were so cute. Then we went back into the teepee tent and chatted and ate and then after it got dark we forgot to put one of Paige's rabbits back in it's cage. OOPS! So we all went out with phone flashlights and tried to hunt down the creature. It ran under a shed and from there it was mission impossible. Some of us were going round the back and getting sticks to try and poke her to run to someone at either end, but this wasn't working and some people just gave up and went back into the tent, but not me. I stayed and ended up scratching my arm because of the shed :/ But guys it was all ok. Because we found this large stick which Paige tried to use to poke the rabbit my way but she pushed it too far under the shed and couldn't get it back. But luckily I could reach the stick but after trying to pull it out and move it to where the rabbit had moved to I managed to snap it in half. But I had a master plan. I put one half of the stick under the shed and pushed it towards the rabbit as far as I could, then using the other half I pushed the stick even further and it gave her a little nudge and she ran to Paige and all was good!
Then after all that excitement we went back into the tent and some people decided to settle down and sleep. I stayed up and Jessie and I realised Pac-man was a Pac-Schlut and then Giancarlo snuggled up to her as he slept so we took some photographic evidence. Then she fell asleep and it was just Paige and I chitchatting and throwing stuff and Lish and Claire while they slept. In the morning we all realised that Amy and Kez had hoarded a bunch of sweets from the previous night, and then we played some twister and that's all i can really remember.
So yeah. A post today earlier than usual. Hope you enjoyed the wonderful story of last year. Not many people are going this time round but I hope it can be as fun! Yeah so I best got get ready, See you in the 'morrow!
So, what am I going to blog about now? Cause I have to since I promised to write a daily blog and I have already failed you once before and I have never forgiven myself for it even though none of you probably even care. BUT I CARE! Anywho...I need to write something now so lets see...I guess I could blog about... yeah I got nothing. Hmm. I'm in a bit of a pickle.
Ok I got something. It may not be that interesting but you are going to read it and like it. Basically my thought process was I'm really looking forward to this sleepover, mainly because last year when I went it was awesome, So I thought, why not tell you all about the last one!
Well it was about the same time last year and my friend Paige had a sleepover for her birthday. We all slept in a Teepee for the night in her garden and it was awesome. We played with balloons and had this strange game with dares and stuff. We watched some films and we cuddled with some bunnies and guinea pigs. Oh they were so cute. Then we went back into the teepee tent and chatted and ate and then after it got dark we forgot to put one of Paige's rabbits back in it's cage. OOPS! So we all went out with phone flashlights and tried to hunt down the creature. It ran under a shed and from there it was mission impossible. Some of us were going round the back and getting sticks to try and poke her to run to someone at either end, but this wasn't working and some people just gave up and went back into the tent, but not me. I stayed and ended up scratching my arm because of the shed :/ But guys it was all ok. Because we found this large stick which Paige tried to use to poke the rabbit my way but she pushed it too far under the shed and couldn't get it back. But luckily I could reach the stick but after trying to pull it out and move it to where the rabbit had moved to I managed to snap it in half. But I had a master plan. I put one half of the stick under the shed and pushed it towards the rabbit as far as I could, then using the other half I pushed the stick even further and it gave her a little nudge and she ran to Paige and all was good!
Then after all that excitement we went back into the tent and some people decided to settle down and sleep. I stayed up and Jessie and I realised Pac-man was a Pac-Schlut and then Giancarlo snuggled up to her as he slept so we took some photographic evidence. Then she fell asleep and it was just Paige and I chitchatting and throwing stuff and Lish and Claire while they slept. In the morning we all realised that Amy and Kez had hoarded a bunch of sweets from the previous night, and then we played some twister and that's all i can really remember.
So yeah. A post today earlier than usual. Hope you enjoyed the wonderful story of last year. Not many people are going this time round but I hope it can be as fun! Yeah so I best got get ready, See you in the 'morrow!
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