RuPaul's Drag Race.

Hey Queens, so today I thought I would talk about a show I have recently watched (yeah I know I'm a little late to the party). But as some of you know I am a Big Brother fan, and the most recent winner Shane Jenek was best known as an Australian Drag Queen Courtney Act, and featured on season 6 of RuPaul's Drag Race. Now because my sister became obsessed with them, she felt the need to watch this season. So when I came home from work I would catch the end of an episode or two before we decided to properly watch it together. Because oh my gosh the bitchy drama.

So to start with let's just talk about my love for RuPaul and how jealous I am that he looks like a better woman than me. I also want to be this good at eyeshadow.  And he's just such a lovely inspiring person, and I wish I knew him personally. Plus he can write a catch song. "Oh No She Better Don't!"

Also from a previous Celeb Big Brother, I fell in
love with a lady called Michelle Visage (as you would know from a video and blog post I wrote about the season she was in) And she is a host on this amazing show. Yeah I'd like her to be a little less bitchy but I guess the brutal honesty is part of the job description.

When watching it obviously I routed for Courtney as she was the only one I knew, but when you already know what position she came in you had to find someone else to like. Which did take me a while. So I really liked BenDelaCreme because I liked to add AlaEdgar
onto it (Comment if you get the reference) And she was a good talent. And when she was in the bottom two for elimination and they had already told Darienne (ugh) to Shante Stay I was like NO, but it turns out they both could and I was very happy. Until she had to sashay away later on. SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE WINNER. I also thought Ben was an attractive man.

However I did like the finalists. Adore was Adorable. Courtney has a better body than I do, and Bianca was hilarious as much as I didn't want to like her. You warm to her as the season goes on. Plus she has her own film, which is actually really good.

But the challenges in the show were my favourite thing, because some were just too funny. Like the rapping for the incredibly catchy song Oh No She Better Don't, and the musical they put on, the ads they made, and weird acting things. My favourite was when they had to make up a Groom as a Bride, and then Ru married the couples because he just so happens to be an ordained minister. I want him to do my ceremony. Let's not forget the Lip Sync- FOR YOUR LIFE which came at the end of each show and was like the final chance to stay, because some of them were just so good.

This was a really good show, but I'm not completely sure if I would watch the other seasons, because I feel like I'd be like "oh where's Ben? Or Courtney?" I would feel like something was missing. We'll see. Apparently there are All Star seasons and BenDelaCreme(AlaEdgar) is in that so maybe we could give that a watch.

Anyway that is all the blog post I can master for now. See you when I see you!

When You Need Content.

Hello everybody, and by everybody I mean a select few people who stalk me, just as much as I stalk them. Today is going to be a post I haven't done for a while. You ready? A TAG! Yep so excited. Basically I saw Lish write a tag which she stole from Siobhan, so it's only natural I steal it too. Because Sharing Is Caring. So here is my rendition of the Questions You've Never Been Asked Tag. Even though I am sure I have answered some of these before. At some point. I've done a lot of tags okay sue me.

If you would like to check out the amazing post from the two before mentioned, extremely beautiful girls click on the super handy links below.


Now back to me because it's the whole reason you are here.

1. What’s your favorite candle scent? Yanke Candle, Cappuccino Truffle. Literally cannot get enough of it when I go into Boots.
2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? Poppy. Because it would be nice to not be the weird sibling.
3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? Andrew Scott. I would make him constantly act like Moriarty.
4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? Not to hint too much  but mid-twenties.
5. Do you know a hoarder? Sometimes I think I live with one. Sometimes I think I am part hoarder. I do not judge. 

6. Can you do the splits? HAHAHAHA. I will die.
7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? I don't know. Young?
8. How many oceans have you swam in? I don't think I've swam in any.
9. How many countries have you been to? 2. I'm so adventurous. Considering half of that is the country in which I live.
10. Is anyone in your family in the army? Not that I know of.
11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? I have many names I like. So far I'm really into the name Lia. But it's not completely up to me.
12. What would you name your son if you had one? Like Dylan or Toby, but again not just my decision.
13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test? U. I was devastated at the time, but evidently has not negatively impacted my life.
14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? I had many. Really liked Sailor Moon.
15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? The Classic Witch.
16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? I own all, but not actually read the Hunger Games. Twilight did not appeal to me. Harry Potter is awesome.
17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? Or a weird mixture of both? Wait I already have that...
18. Did your mother go to University? Yes, she trained as a nurse.
19. Have you ever taken karate lessons? No, I really wanted to in high school though.
20. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? How can you not?
21. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? Only ever been to Pleasure Beach in Great Yarmouth.
22. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? Well I know how to say I love you in Russian so it would be good to know more of the language. I would also love to speak Welsh, and Japanese, and Polish. I want to speak all the languages basically.
23. Do you spell the color as grey or gray? First off *colour. Secondly Grey because I didn't even know you could spell it gray. Unless it's like prey and pray, but I don't understand how that would work...
24. Is your father bald? No, if anything he gets too much hair.
25. Do you know triplets? It just so happens I do. They are lovely.
26. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? I haven't ever seen The Notebook, and am not actually confident I have fully seen Titanic. But I feel maybe The Notebook would irritate me less, because Jack could have definitely fit on that plank.
27. Have you ever had Indian food? Yes. I like it, but wouldn't go crazy for it.
28. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? Tough one. Probably Zak's. Now I want to go to Zak's.
29. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? No, and not really sure I want to.
30. Do you belong to any department stores (House of Fraser, John Lewis etc.)? I don't really understand how you belong to a store. But these places do not really appeal to me.
31. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? I'm not sure. Probably something weird, and not spelled the traditional way.
32. If you have a nickname, what is it? Well Elli is a nickname. There are more, the list is endless.
33. Who’s your favorite person in the world? I'm not going to answer this through fear of offending people. 

34. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? When I am old, like Grandma territory, rural, but until them I'm a city girl.
35. Can you whistle? Yeah. I like to whistle tunes to keep me sane. Cannot do a wolf whistle though.
36. Do you sleep with a nightlight? No, I just have the main light on. I'm scared of the dark, sue me. But please don't because I already waste enough money on electric.
37. Do you eat breakfast every morning? When I wake up in time yeah.
38. Do you take any pills or medication daily? Yeah.
39. What medical conditions do you have? As far as I am aware I do not. However I do want to have some bruises on my legs checked out, because I feel the amount I get is unnatural.
40. How many times have you been to the hospital? I don't know the exact number. There was when I was bored, a few genetic consultations and one for a lesion on my mouth.
41. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? Yes, because I am a massive Pixar fan.
42. Where do you buy your jeans? Primark, I only shop in Primark. I like what I know.
43. What’s the last compliment you got? "You will go far"
44. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Sometimes. Usually bizarre.
45. What flavor tea do you enjoy? Classic English Breakfast.
46. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? Like 7?
47. What religion will you raise your children to practice?  The religion of thinking for yourself.
48. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? 20, No I'm kidding. I don't remember that kind of information.
49. How old were you when you found out that the tooth fairy wasn't real? *See Answer to Number 48*
50. Why do you have a blog/make videos? I love having something physical to look back on, and think, wow this is what I used to be like. Plus it helps me deal with stress, and cope with situations.

So that was it. Fascinating I know. But I'm just thankful I have some content, because it can be a real struggle sometimes. 

See you when I see you!

Positively January.

This month has felt like it was going on forever! So to try and make it seem a bit more cheerful, I made a video about what I enjoyed in January. Enjoy!

See you when I see you!

Yadda Yadda

I know I've been away again, but it has been a crazy time. Which I feel is only going to keep happening. So we've got that to look forward to. To catch you up on the goings on of my life, I have been promoted at work. Initially this sounds like great news. But it's not all that great. No matter how much I tell myself that.

We'll take a step back to why I am being promoted. Basically the original Room Manager of Pre-school has decided to go work for a smaller nursery, which for her was the right decision and I'm happy she's happy. However, I was worried about her leaving, because since I started she was my support line, she knew how everything worked, and she was just so helpful and friendly. I saw how stressed she got when she was promoted to that position. So obviously I'm scared that this will happen to me. And after this week, if anything my fear has been confirmed to be rational.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about how I feel at the minute, but it basically comes down to the fact that I feel I am not being given the time to achieve what I am expected to achieve, management tell me that they will not set me up to fail, but it is essentially all they have done. YaddaYadda. It doesn't help that I am stressed out from other aspects of my life.

But yeah, I am coming home exhausted and unsure of how best to move forward. So wish me luck.

Sorry I couldn't be more interesting.

See you when I see you.

Perfect Balance.

If you are coming into this post thinking it will be like some sort of self help book, where I give you advice about how to find perfect balance in your life. You may as well go now. Because on this blog we more discuss the failures of my being and how this concept is unobtainable. But you know got to draw your attention some how.

 As I mentioned in my last blog post, I had failed to blog consistently. This was because in my list of things I needed to do this could be sacrificed more than the others. Which irritated me so much, but I just didn't know how to balance everything to make time. It was the lead up to Christmas so I had to ensure all my work stuff was up to date so I could relax, try to finish my coursework, go Christmas shopping, wrap the presents, see friends and family, spend time with Matt before he goes back to uni, play animal crossing, eat, sleep, try to carry out my diet plan, and think about all this stuff I had to do. Which sounds easy enough, but it really isn't. Especially when the most important things to me on that list, are seeing those people are love so much and make me happy, and sleep. Because sleep is just so fucking good.

So at last Christmas is over, but I still feel just as stressed. Mainly because of coursework. Mainly because I seemed to have lost all motivation to do so. I'm so close to the end of my course I can taste it, yet I get to my computer and I just can't seem to do any. What makes it worse is how there is now so much more pressure to complete it. Because the deadline is getting closer and work wants to promote me, but that can't really happen until I am completed. So could me not being motivated be my way of saying I'm not ready for these new responsibilities? I'm trying to cling on to the good old days where I could get away with the bare minimum because I was still learning. I don't know.

But I really struggle at the minute. To find this balance. I try to focus on the things that make me happy, and I often feel I am making the wrong choices. So maybe sacrificing things now will help in the long run. But then I think about what if my life ends tomorrow. I don't want to regret missing out on seeing those certain people. I don't want my last moments to be about coursework. I just wish I could find some way to pause time. So I could do all my coursework in a space where I am not tired, I do not need to be at work, or see my friends, and I have exhausted all the videos on YouTube and the tasks on animal crossing.

Hopefully, my stressed motivation will kick in and I finally finish this goal. And once it's over that's it. Unless I want to complete a management course, but that isn't really on the table right now. I want to try and sort out the other aspects of my life for a bit. Wish me luck with that.

See you when I see you!

Ashamed.

Hello everybody. So you've probably been wondering where I've been. I say in hope that someone actually reads this, even though I know that no-one actually gives a shit. Anyway. Yes I have not blogged, or vlogged or something along those lines, and it really fucking irritates me. But I just have not had the frame of mind to do so. A lot of stuff has been happening whether good or bad, and I just hasn't felt right to sit and focus on this particular task. So, to myself mainly. I'm sorry.

Nonetheless, it's a new year, so it's a time to make plans  for improvements. And if you know me you'd know I'd need a lot of improving. So let's review the list I made last year to see how well I improved on them, before ultimately making my new resolutions, to better myself. Here we go.


1: Move out. HAHAHAHAHAHA. 

I mean this year I did make an awful lot of progress, going to flat viewings and actually applying for a place, but I soon realised that it was not going to happen because I do not earn enough money. So really it was not my own personal undoing but the unfairness of society. 

2. Learn to drive. Yeah this has not happened either. Haven't even looked into it. Thought about it, is as close as I will go. At least for now... But essentially this failed because I just simply did not have the time for it

3. Exercise more. Aka. Lose weight. This one I can proudly say I am achieving. Yeah I started in October, but I still actually started and am still sticking to it. Basically I have tried dieting, and cutting down on calories, and I have been on the odd jog and do some exercising activities. At this current point in time I have lost 6.1kg, and I'd say that deserves a round of applause from me. 

4. Stop letting people who mean nothing to me get to me. There's been a lot of drama this year that I am not proud of. But I'm proud that I've made the decision to stay clear of it now, and I am happier for it. You just have to move on right?

5. Be more organised with coursework. Another laughable moment. I just keep telling myself there is only 18% left. 

6. Bringing the debate back to whether or not to get tested for Huntington's disease. I was right I didn't stick to this one. There's been to much other things going on. Recently I thought about it a lot, but I think with what is going on I'd rather not know my fate. 

7. Keep up with the consistent blogging. Well I did achieve this up until December, so I am counting this as a win. I even brought back the vlogging regularly for a brief stint. The last couple of months have not been the best okay. But hopefully I can try to keep it going, because it is a nice escape. 

So that was ultimately a fail. And I thought to myself that I shouldn't even bother for a task this year, because these all end up the same. However, in the true spirit of New Years, even though we are 4 days delayed. I will give my one, yes one, resolution. Which is....

Be Happy In Myself. 

Yeah I just simply want to end 2018 thinking that I am actually proud of who I am. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am the reason I am happy. 

There we go. Check in next year to see the outcome! But check in between that time, because I don't want to go through this journey alone. See you when I see you!

Let's Play: Animal Crossing Pocket Camp!

Hey, so if any of you were wondering what has consumed my life this past week. Look no further than this free app based on my favourite game from childhood. Animal Crossing!! And because it so happens to coincide with the video week, I have made a little video showing my first look at the game. Enjoy!

See you when I see you!

Primark Haul.

Hey everybody, so today we are going to have a different post to the usual stuff. Thought I’d mix it up a bit. Keep things fresh. So today we are going to be doing a small haul post, because the other weekend I went shopping in Cambridge. I mainly went and purchased stuff in there Primark, but I thought it would make a cute little post, as when you run out of creative ideas, you’ve got to take every chance you get. Plus, there isn’t much to do on my way home on the train, so I started drafting the post.#

Now I love Primark, essentially everything I own comes from there, because it’s cute and affordable. However, I hate shopping in Primark because (the one in Norwich in particular) is chaos. But once you understand how to manipulate that chaos, it’s fine, and you get some very lovely clothes. For me those lovely clothes fall under three categories: Checked shirts, and jumpers. If you are lucky some kind of combination of those. I considered this trip a lucky one.

So, here’s what I got. Quick note, sorry about the pictures, but I didn’t really know how to pose, and Matt was being annoying with the camera. Anyway…

 First, we have, what I didn’t realise until I read the receipt, A Woollen Boyfriend. It’s basically a checked shirt dress I can sleep in. And I am wearing it with jeans in the picture just because I hate my legs. I love the colours, the pattern and how comfortable it is. Plus, one thing I love is being lazy and wearing pyjamas and now I can bring in my love of checked shirts so it’s a win all round.

Next, we have a Cable Jumper, because I need more jumpers in my life to keep me warm. Plus, it was a plain colour and one of the few jumpers that didn’t have weird rip holes in it or some kind of other strange décor. Like ribbon? Anway, cute, cosy let’s move on.

This was one of those lovely finds, a checked shirt dress. I love the colours, and I didn’t realise it came with a belt until I took it from the rail. I love a good belt. However, there aren’t enough holes, so it is basically pointless as a waisted belt. Also, I bought a size 14 which I thought would fit and it did, until I buttoned down to the hips, which is why I have left it unbuttoned. But I guess I can use the fact it doesn’t fully fit as goal to lose weight. Because I cannot be bothered to exchange it.

Lastly, we have my favourite thing. The jumper checked shirt combo. A way to look casually smart, and just like Elli. It’s so comfortable, and I love the colours of it. I didn’t realise that there is a tiny pattern of holes along the front and back, which if stretched could become a bit…revealing. But overall I really love this piece.

To accompany all the clothes, I just bought some High waisted black skinny jeans, because they are so comfortable, and some black leggings. Sense the theme. I also bought underwear but there is no way I am posting that on the blog. Maybe if you are lucky you can see it in real life 😉 No that’s not even a funny joke…

Anyway, thank you for reading this little post of something new. I hope it was a good distraction. I shall see you when I see you!

Let Downs + Sims 4

Hey there.

So I had a plan for this post. It was the traditional video upload, and I was like I will play sims because the new expansion pack was released last week and I could show my opinions. But everything has just seemed to fuck up. I've had stressful times at work. The audio of the first recording sucked. I rushed to record a second one. Have spent days recording so already missing the deadline I set for myself so it has annoyed me. So I was like well as long as it's up for when I post my blog. But no. Everything is crashing, everything is failing me. I'm at the brink of crying because it's stressing me out, because in all honesty the video probably isn't even worth the fucking effort.

I'm sorry there is nothing of interest. But let's face it. You aren't real. This is just me putting pressure on myself. So it should just be dealt with.

Hopefully something more interesting next week.

Sorry.

See you when I see you.

So here is the video. Totally not worth the wait, which is why I am not designating it it's own post anymore.

I'm Not Okay (I Promise).

Right now I feel this song accurately represents my life. Yeah I have no worries about the photos my boyfriend took, I don't really get dirty looks, and I haven't broken my foot from jumping out the second floor. But I am not okay, yet I say I am. Now that may be confusing, because things were looking up for me. I caught up with coursework, work was less stressful, I started a diet plan to improve my life, and I was sorting out my room. So as you guess from the title there is a massive but lingering somewhere. 

Well you are wrong...

However (see how I got you), this past week and a half I have been super worried about it all going kaput. Why? Because I worked a fuck tonne, so when I came home I did no coursework. Fair to me I decided to do it at the weekend. My plan, see friends for Fireworks on Friday, then crack down to sort out room Saturday and do coursework on Sunday. And it never happened. Instead I binged watched Atypical on Netflix (which you should all go watch by the way) and the most achievement I got with my room was moving my bed like a foot to the right. So I'm worried. Worried that my plan to keep on track, sort out my life is going up in smoke. And I just don't know how to be okay anymore. 

It started on Halloween. Yeah I got to dress up at work, I carved some super cute pumpkins but work was stressful to a point I got angry, couldn't explain it and just burst into tears. Then proceeded to eat like half a jar of Nutella, which when you are trying to diet isn't the best thing to do. So what happened? I felt more shit. The week that followed was just more of a shit show. Coming home stressed and just wanting to binge on food and panicking that I would not be able to get to the place I want to be. Which currently is happy. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed Friday seeing my friends, yeah I was super tired and cranky but they really did help. Problem is I can't see them everyday. Same with Matt, yeah we call, but it's not the same as him physically being here to cuddle it all away. 

So what do I do, because I feel like no matter what I try I am looping back to this stage of unhappiness. And it's all linked to time. If I don't do it now, when will I do it? And the fact I am failing now means I will always fail. I have to try and get out of this mental state, but it is really difficult. And it's like do I just keep trying to keep having cycles of feeling ultimate shitness, or do I give up and think, well fuck it. But then still be upset with my life because the plans were to fix my insecurities. I just need to magically become a better human being. 

However, this isn't the entirety of my life, there are good days. Yeah I'm not experiencing many right now, and am at the point where I don't think they'll come back. But I think knowing there are good times, is why you do the thing of "I'm Okay" because you think it will just go away, not be a problem anymore. Or at least, you hope. Right now I'm running out of hope. Which is why I felt the need to post this. Because maybe blurting it all out in some nonsense text will help cleanse my mind. Who knows? 

So I'm sorry this was a really weird one, and congrats to you if you read through the whole thing. Unfortunately there is no prize. So double sorry. 

I shall see you when I see you!

DIY: Pumpkin Carving.

Yes more Halloween themed content, because you can never get enough spooks. To top this off we have my scary attempt at carving my own pumpkin which...was...well...just watch the video!

Sorry.
See you when I see you!

In This Town Of Halloween.

Hello everybody, and as you should all probably be aware by now, next Tuesday it's Halloween! Yay! Personally I love Halloween, because it's a chance to dress up and have fun. Hence this marvelous post about my favourite holiday.

Considering it is my favourite, I'm not very good at celebrating it. I wasn't a big decorate my house person, or a thinking of extravagant costumes, and I very rarely took part in trick or treating and attending fancy dress parties. Despite this I do remember moments of the few times. Personally I seem to remember no earlier Halloween experience since before I started high school. Maybe they were that traumatic, but here we go. 

Pointless confession time, because you read this after I write it so if I never mentioned it you'd never know it happened, but I'm going to confess anyway because that's just the person I am. Basically I was writing out a long post about all what I remember from Halloween, when I discovered I have actually done a blog post 3 years ago with the same thing. So I wasted a bit of time. But if you would like to read these for yourself you are more than welcome to click here. Then if you would like to read about Halloween of 2014 you can click here too. Even though it wasn't really that exciting a post. 

I guess the logical thing to do now is talk about the Halloweens since then. But there have only been two, and from what I recall I spent 2015 just hanging with my sister watching movies, and 2016 I went to a work colleagues and just chatted and had drinks. I feel like my whole plan for this post has gone out of the window. Well I guess I can still talk about what I am going to be doing this Halloween. Wait...I have no plans. So far it's just going to work. To be fair Halloween is a weekday and I need to be responsible. I think I'm going to dress up as a witch, I know super creative. But I work with children so I can't be anything too scary or inappropriate. Therefore, my options are very limiting. I have thought about dressing up in just a general costume, like I have a casual Ariel costume, but I feel I would stand out, and I hate feeling like that sometimes. 

I do love all the gory make-up things I see on the internet though, and I think that I am going to teach myself how to do that, and host my own Halloween party. But I think it may be some time before I get to that stage. 

Well I've run out of things to talk about, sorry this wasn't very good, but like I said you can go back and read my other Halloween posts to keep you distracted from responsibilities. I know that's what I am going to do!

See you when I see you!

Talk: Sleepy Time.

Hey guys, basically this video is a very last minute planned talk about something I had actually planned to blog about but on a much briefer scale. It's not great so you have been warned. If you would like to read the slightly more detailed ramblings I have kept them in the post, so you can try a piece together more of an idea about what I am on about. But enjoy staring at my pudgy face, which I know you all love so much.

So I've been facing a problem for a few months now, which is as the title states. I struggle with sleeping. And to be honest I probably do understand the reasons for it. It's because I wake up at 6.30 to get ready and go to work, I'm there for about 9 hours and then it's on my journey home I get really tired. But when home I eat and watch TV with family, and by the time I make it up to my bed. I'm not tired anymore. And then I end up sleeping around 1am and having to be awake. One day I literally when to sleep at 4am. But it's not like I can lay in the next day. So I'm stuck in a vicious loop.

However fairly recently, my internet has been playing up, so I almost force myself to fall asleep, because there simply isn't that much else to do, and it is working pretty well. But I think I have mentioned in a vlog one time, that my mind likes to think about the most bizarre things at the most inconvenient times. So when I should be asleep, I'm actually planning blog posts or youtube videos. Or I'm designing how to decorate my room, or what my future flat will look like. Or I'm thinking about coursework/work related things. Yet nothing is actually getting accomplished. 

I don't think I get a lack of sleep to the point I need medication for it, because I do feel fine, it's just more annoying because I fear about being really tired for work, and considering the type of job I do, being awake and alert is a rather big deal. But then again sometimes I think me thinking about how that might happen is another reason I am not sleeping. It's weird. 

One of the weirdest things though is how I am now incapable of having a lay in. Unless I am with Matthew, I think it's because I feel comfortable with him. Anyway. At the time of writing this I have woken up at 5am, and it's Sunday. Like what?! I have tried going back to sleep, and it just isn't happening. When I was younger, I used to never see morning on a Sunday. I would go down to have a weird lunch type breakfast and my parents would joke about how I'm alive. The only perks of this I guess is that I am now being more productive in my day. I've already done some coursework and am now writing this blog. Yesterday I did some coursework and sorted out part of my bedroom. So I guess I can't complain fully. 

I do hope that my sleeping pattern regains some normality, but I guess we'll just have to see. I'm sorry this post is a bit shorter than usual, and really weird, but I'm running out of content as you can tell. Maybe it's the weird amounts of sleep I get. Anyway... See you when I see you!

Aspirations.

Hey everybody, so recently I have been thinking a lot about where I want to be. I mean I think about this all the time especially around new years, but the past week or so has been a real. I want this. So what better thing to discuss in this blog post? For some of these aspirations we actually have to give a little back story. So bare with me.

Firstly I think everyone knows that I want to move out. This is for different reasons. Wanting my own space to allow me to be more productive and social, but mainly it's because I am somewhat ashamed of where I live now. I have lived in this house my whole life, and honestly I have not treated it like a home, I know this when I go to other people's and see how nice everything looks. And I want to change this. But the problem was that for years it built and built to be... well.. a shit hole. Then when I finally wanted to change it, it got to the point of being too much. The idea was crazy. So basically I went for if I move out. I have that clean slate, a place I can be proud of. However, as I have mentioned a few times, I am not financially able to do this.

Anyway, I finally had some time off work and thought, I am going to tackle this beast, well of my room anyway.  So I did. And I had a stressed out breakdown. Because there was so much crap hidden under the bed and in the cupboard, I just started running out of places to organise the mess. And I'm very perfectionist when I do something, and the fact that I couldn't complete something because of something made me very like I don't want to do this anymore. But once you start a task like this you might as well finish. However, I thought to myself that even once these places are tidy. I'm still not going to be happy in this room. because it's not the masses of stuff that made it a horrible mess, it's the room itself. The walls, the floor, the furniture. So I spoke to my good ol' father and he said we can try to fix these. Therefore, I am now in my extreme planning mind. The plan is to get rid of all the crap I don't want anymore. Once that is gone, I can sort out the remaining things a lot better. Dad said he is going to help cut off parts of my bed. Because it has these really weird poles that don't actually do anything. And we're going to upgrade my furniture, and hopefully repaint my room. I also want to either get a large rug or re-carpet, haven't thought enough into it yet. 

However, these ideas to me are dangerous. because I end up getting all hyped up over things going a particular way, I have a really hard fall, because from experience something goes wrong. But I have to try and think positively, and hopefully it will pay off, and I can have a room I am proud of so maybe I can save some more money to not move out right now, and I can spend it on a holiday or something. However, now I don't have that time off work anymore, and I have to try and continue with making the space better and I just feel I am not going to stick with it.

Do not fear you will find out how this goes, and I am sorry that this post, and probably that post, is weird. But you've read the title of this blog, what else do you expect? Common. I'll see you when I see you.

Dramatic Reading: Everyday.

Yep, it's time to snuggle down and cringe your heart out, because I've made another video. Well done to me for being consistent. So I don't know why but I decided an interesting concept would be to just read sections of a book in a somewhat dramatic fashion. But this is more seen to be believed. So just watch. Sneaky plug: There is a blog post about my opinions on this wonderful book if you fancy a read, just click here!
Also if you feel that didn't cringe you out enough, you can also watch the Annie video I mention here! But warning it is 5 years old and insanely bad.

See you when I see you!

Then Vs Now.

Then (Somewhere around November 2013) 

Now (27/09/17)

Heya. Today's post we are going to be making comparisons between my past and present self.
Because I am a very nostalgic person and love looking back on my life which leads to the thoughts, Wow how much has changed. Whether it has been the past year or decade, I am certainly changing. For the better? I am never quite sure, but join me on this journey to see some weird experiences.

So let's look back at my first blog post. And the first striking difference is the colour scheme. I changed this mainly because I was too lazy to go back through after writing the post to adjust the sizes and alter the colours. But also, people told me it got difficult to read. I'm pretty sure my background used to be different and I changed it  a few times, and ultimately settled on the pencils. Because I just love the aesthetic.

In this first post I talk about obsessions. Yeah I still say I am obsessed with youtube, but I don't really watch those gaming channels anymore. And the youtubers I am interested in have changed a lot. Currently I love Liza Koshy and David Dobrik. The Try Guys will always entertain me. And I could never give up on my Dan and Phil. I still have my own youtube channel but it's not the same one I am referring to. And this is more of a solo one, where I plan it, more than just film whatever is happening. I do miss doing that though, because watching back the memories with my friends was super cute. However I guess now we aren't teens it feels a bit weird.

Moving on... I talk about being obsessed with tea sets, and don't get me wrong I still love a good tea set, but my obsessions have progressed on from that. To blott rubbers, my little pony, tsum tsums and funko pops. You can read all about these in this handy little blog post link.

Now there is the lost of my favourite things, and I guess I still do love these things, some not as much as I used to, but there are definitely additions to this, like Game of Thrones, the above mentioned obsessions, and new music artists like Melanie Martinez and Shawn Mendes. Yes I am aware they are two completely different styles, but you need to know my music is very ranged.

I still value family and friendship. But the interesting thing is how the list of friends has changed. which I talk about in the second blog post I make. I mean 6 of the names I mention I don't even talk to anymore. I'm not going to dwell on those, because I have to move on from that, and focus on those who are still putting up with me. It is also interesting how if I were to write that post again, how differently I could talk about some of the people. For instance my friendship with Paige has become so much stronger, and I tell her everything, which I didn't really do before. Plus she's been with me everytime I went clubbing, and it was because of her I even went to a club.

Another difference is that I also have a work friendship group which I'd like to mention. Not that I really see them outside of work much anymore. I mean I'd like to it's just difficult to. But I have so many fun conversations with them, and when I started this blog, I didn't even have a part time job, let alone my full time career I would say. So a definite tick in the reason why now is better than then, is I am actually earning money.

As well I as this, now is definitely better, due to the fact, when I started my blog, I wasn't in the best of places. A situation occurred and I felt really shit about myself, thinking I wasn't good enough. And I can happily say I do not feel like that anymore. Yeah I have my down moments when I get stressed. But nowadays the people who I surround myself with make me feel proud of who I am/trying to become. Because let's face it I'm not perfect, and I am trying to be better, and my awesome friends and family are helping me get there.

So I've grown a lot as a person. Despite not actually getting any taller :'( Oh well I'm a cute little bundle. But I'd say I like where my life has taken me. Yeah I miss those days at the beginning of 6th form, or some times I had in high school. But I can't live in the past. Plus who knows, I may look back at this in another 4ish years and think, wow. What's happened? Hopefully things wouldn't have changed too much. I mean I'd like to have moved out, either have a child or at least be pregnant, still be surrounded by the same awesome people, and be successful in my career choice. But I didn't know I'd be at the point back then, so who knows.

See you when I see you!

Let's Play! Minecraft.

Hello, so yep there is another video. I'm being more consistent! This is basically a fail video of me playing minecraft on my own. To be fair I am this shit when playing with others. It took me like four attempts to make something I am actually half proud of, with nearly 3 hours of filming and the same with editing and the painstaking wait for it to render so please just consider those factors before hating.  Hope you enjoy!

See you when I see you!

Time For An Update.

Hello everybody. Today I thought I would just give more of an update on my life and happenings, as that hasn't really been the case for a while. So yeah, here goes.

Work: If you have been keeping up to date, you would have noticed work had been going a bit downhill. I felt I wasn't being respected in my position, I was constantly stressed and drained, yaddayadda. So I am pleased to announce that this is all improving! I think the whole atmosphere of work has changed, and we seemed to have sorted our shit out, so I do feel much happier. Yeah I still wish you finish when you are told you'd finish, but I guess that is an issue never going to be fixed. But I feel like I am managing a lot better. Coursework is actually getting completed and I'm just not being a complete failure which is always good news. And I re-sat my ICT exam last week, so hopefully I didn't fail that by 6% again. I felt like it was really easy, but am worried that maybe it felt a little too easy, and I have messed up in some massive way. But let's pray I don't have to travel all the way to Bedford again. But yeah, I am getting more organised at work and things are looking good.

Social: I am trying to make more of an effort with my friends. I know it can be difficult organising things, because we have all gone our separate ways and have different responsibilities. But I would like to start putting in more time, because they are the beings that keep me going. For instance last week I tried organising a thing with everyone but only 5 people decided to join me. Don't get me wring I had a great time, I ate pizza, drank some tasty cocktails, and got to act like an idiot with people who love me, and someone who doesn't know me. But he has to deal with me whether he likes it or not. Sometimes I think smaller meet ups are nicer because the quality of time with those people are amazing. Like when Maddy, Matt and I went for ice-cream, we spent hours chatting and organsing a holiday to Disney, which hasn't been discussed since, and I doubt it is going to happen, but I love how we can just go into so much depth talking about random things. But I would love to see some more of my friends soon because it keeps me happy.

Personal: Following the dream planning of a holiday to Disneyworld, it actually got me thinking a lot more about going on holidays, out of this country. And after learning that Naples in Italy is the Nutella capital of the world (I love Nutella by the way) I was thinking a lot about braving my fear of planes and going somewhere and exploring. And Italy is more affordable than Disneyworld. But these are probably just fantasies. Keeping with that theme, learning to drive and moving out remain on the wishlist but wont be an actuality for another year or so, which does stress me out because I have a fear of time. Like if I keep pushing it back what if something happens to prevent it, and I become unhappy and trapped. I think it is a reason I don't sleep very well, because I keep having these worries about time pressure. And then the fact I can't sleep makes me panic more because usually I have work the next day and I can't push that back to sleep so then I get tired and there is nothing I can really do about it. Plus when I can't sleep, I think about how I should probably use this time to be productive like doing coursework, or working on blog posts and things, so that way I feel I am at least getting something done. It's a weird system. But I do feel out of everything in my life, I put my dreams and well-being last. Like I'd rather please the people at work, or my family and friends, over what I want to do. Which is good because in that sense I'm not selfish, but I feel it makes me stressed out. But then again the things I want to do aren't exactly things I am capable of doing. Because I have essentially been told I cannot move out, because I do not have a high enough salary, and literally none of my friends want to move in with me, and I feel moving in with strangers is just going to be like living with my parents. Or I want to do more creative things, but simply do not have the time or energy. We shall see.

Sorry this was a bit of a weird post, but I thought that I haven't really done an updatey post in a while, and it is nice to have this kind of vent in a way, because it can help organise my thoughts. So yeah thanks for reading.

See you when I see you!

Game Of Thrones.

Hello, as season 7 has drawn to a close, I give my opinion on the various characters and plot points of the series. But in the fun way of a video! So sit back, waste some time, cringe at my existence.

See you when I see you!

Emma.

Hello everybody, welcome back to the zone of avoiding responsibilities. If you came in hopes of reading something random and pointless, you have reached your destination. Today's post has a bit of back story before we get into the real heart of it. So when I was hanging out with my friends (which you can read about in this strategically placed link to a previous blog post) myself and my fellow bloggers were talking about blog ideas, when the magnificent Emma piped up saying we should all write a post about her. Thus here I am, sticking to my word.

Over my 20 years of life I have known a lot of Emma's, my hairdresser is called Emma, Matt's sister is called Emma, and there was a number of other people my sister and I knew who had that name. Making telling a story very difficult. But none of them are as awesome as the Emma I am going to tell you about. I have known Emma for about 15 years, which is crazy because that is 3/4's of my life. And from what I remember she hasn't really changed. When you see old photographs of her she is the same, just more mature looking, and probably taller. Even though I guess you can't really see that in a photo unless they are standing by objects.






Anywho, everyone needs a friend like Emma, because she is one of the kindest people you would ever meet. And extremely loyal. Remember she's been friends with me for this long. That's commitment. The good thing about our friendship as well is we both respect how busy the other can get, and don't get moody about how long it can take to respond or talk, we just have catch ups every now and then. It feels like we have never been apart.














A great thing about Emma is how we can obsess over cats with each other, sharing cute pictures and stories about our own pets, or memes and things from the internet. To be fair you can send Emma practically anything (within reason) and she responds like it is the greatest thing she has ever seen. I can guarantee that there will be an emoticon in the response she gives as well. She uses it as punctuation.














Emma is extremely smart, and crazy talented. I am jealous of her ice skating abilities! And I do aspire to be more like Emma, because she's at Oxford for crying out loud. Real role model material. Even though it took her a while to figure out the correct way to fill a kettle....











Sorry this is a really weird and short post, but I am running out of content and I wanted to stick to a promise I made to a good friend.
















See you when I see you!