Perfect Balance.

If you are coming into this post thinking it will be like some sort of self help book, where I give you advice about how to find perfect balance in your life. You may as well go now. Because on this blog we more discuss the failures of my being and how this concept is unobtainable. But you know got to draw your attention some how.

 As I mentioned in my last blog post, I had failed to blog consistently. This was because in my list of things I needed to do this could be sacrificed more than the others. Which irritated me so much, but I just didn't know how to balance everything to make time. It was the lead up to Christmas so I had to ensure all my work stuff was up to date so I could relax, try to finish my coursework, go Christmas shopping, wrap the presents, see friends and family, spend time with Matt before he goes back to uni, play animal crossing, eat, sleep, try to carry out my diet plan, and think about all this stuff I had to do. Which sounds easy enough, but it really isn't. Especially when the most important things to me on that list, are seeing those people are love so much and make me happy, and sleep. Because sleep is just so fucking good.

So at last Christmas is over, but I still feel just as stressed. Mainly because of coursework. Mainly because I seemed to have lost all motivation to do so. I'm so close to the end of my course I can taste it, yet I get to my computer and I just can't seem to do any. What makes it worse is how there is now so much more pressure to complete it. Because the deadline is getting closer and work wants to promote me, but that can't really happen until I am completed. So could me not being motivated be my way of saying I'm not ready for these new responsibilities? I'm trying to cling on to the good old days where I could get away with the bare minimum because I was still learning. I don't know.

But I really struggle at the minute. To find this balance. I try to focus on the things that make me happy, and I often feel I am making the wrong choices. So maybe sacrificing things now will help in the long run. But then I think about what if my life ends tomorrow. I don't want to regret missing out on seeing those certain people. I don't want my last moments to be about coursework. I just wish I could find some way to pause time. So I could do all my coursework in a space where I am not tired, I do not need to be at work, or see my friends, and I have exhausted all the videos on YouTube and the tasks on animal crossing.

Hopefully, my stressed motivation will kick in and I finally finish this goal. And once it's over that's it. Unless I want to complete a management course, but that isn't really on the table right now. I want to try and sort out the other aspects of my life for a bit. Wish me luck with that.

See you when I see you!