Time For An Update.

Hello everybody. Today I thought I would just give more of an update on my life and happenings, as that hasn't really been the case for a while. So yeah, here goes.

Work: If you have been keeping up to date, you would have noticed work had been going a bit downhill. I felt I wasn't being respected in my position, I was constantly stressed and drained, yaddayadda. So I am pleased to announce that this is all improving! I think the whole atmosphere of work has changed, and we seemed to have sorted our shit out, so I do feel much happier. Yeah I still wish you finish when you are told you'd finish, but I guess that is an issue never going to be fixed. But I feel like I am managing a lot better. Coursework is actually getting completed and I'm just not being a complete failure which is always good news. And I re-sat my ICT exam last week, so hopefully I didn't fail that by 6% again. I felt like it was really easy, but am worried that maybe it felt a little too easy, and I have messed up in some massive way. But let's pray I don't have to travel all the way to Bedford again. But yeah, I am getting more organised at work and things are looking good.

Social: I am trying to make more of an effort with my friends. I know it can be difficult organising things, because we have all gone our separate ways and have different responsibilities. But I would like to start putting in more time, because they are the beings that keep me going. For instance last week I tried organising a thing with everyone but only 5 people decided to join me. Don't get me wring I had a great time, I ate pizza, drank some tasty cocktails, and got to act like an idiot with people who love me, and someone who doesn't know me. But he has to deal with me whether he likes it or not. Sometimes I think smaller meet ups are nicer because the quality of time with those people are amazing. Like when Maddy, Matt and I went for ice-cream, we spent hours chatting and organsing a holiday to Disney, which hasn't been discussed since, and I doubt it is going to happen, but I love how we can just go into so much depth talking about random things. But I would love to see some more of my friends soon because it keeps me happy.

Personal: Following the dream planning of a holiday to Disneyworld, it actually got me thinking a lot more about going on holidays, out of this country. And after learning that Naples in Italy is the Nutella capital of the world (I love Nutella by the way) I was thinking a lot about braving my fear of planes and going somewhere and exploring. And Italy is more affordable than Disneyworld. But these are probably just fantasies. Keeping with that theme, learning to drive and moving out remain on the wishlist but wont be an actuality for another year or so, which does stress me out because I have a fear of time. Like if I keep pushing it back what if something happens to prevent it, and I become unhappy and trapped. I think it is a reason I don't sleep very well, because I keep having these worries about time pressure. And then the fact I can't sleep makes me panic more because usually I have work the next day and I can't push that back to sleep so then I get tired and there is nothing I can really do about it. Plus when I can't sleep, I think about how I should probably use this time to be productive like doing coursework, or working on blog posts and things, so that way I feel I am at least getting something done. It's a weird system. But I do feel out of everything in my life, I put my dreams and well-being last. Like I'd rather please the people at work, or my family and friends, over what I want to do. Which is good because in that sense I'm not selfish, but I feel it makes me stressed out. But then again the things I want to do aren't exactly things I am capable of doing. Because I have essentially been told I cannot move out, because I do not have a high enough salary, and literally none of my friends want to move in with me, and I feel moving in with strangers is just going to be like living with my parents. Or I want to do more creative things, but simply do not have the time or energy. We shall see.

Sorry this was a bit of a weird post, but I thought that I haven't really done an updatey post in a while, and it is nice to have this kind of vent in a way, because it can help organise my thoughts. So yeah thanks for reading.

See you when I see you!