13 Reasons Why.

What's this? An actual blog post, with somewhat decent content? Emphasis on the word somewhat, because me and decent never really mix well. Anyway... Let's start by saying that I am very confused. Because I began writing out this blog post, with the knowledge that I had already talked about the first season of the show which is mentioned in the title of this post. But after trying to locate it so I could link it in, I realised I have fabricated this whole event. Unless I had drafted one and then deleted it because I felt it lost it's relevance, I don't know. So I guess we are just going to have to talk about the whole two series of joy. Haha. Prepare for a very ranty ride ladies and gentlemen. 

By the way. 

Spoilers. 

Let's start with season one then I guess, which I would just have to base purely on memory because I haven't seen it in like a year. Here we go. Basically I enjoyed the premise of the show, the fact you had a journey to discover the reasons why a girl felt like suicide was her only option. But I felt like things were very dramatised around it, making all the events seem somewhat far-fetched. Yeah I believe that people can be bullied over a picture, friendships end, guys are dicks, and that being raped can happen, and I'm sure there are cases that all of this does happen to one individual which is truly awful, but I just felt like given the circumstances, it was dramatic bullshit. Mainly and purely for the fact that so many people heard about the accused rape. And did nothing. One of which being a member of faculty. Therefore I spent the last episode (and most of the series to be fair) hating practically all the characters. Because I just hate thinking people can act like that. 

So then we go on to why I had to watch season two. So I can hopefully have a bit of closure, and characters can redeem themselves. And what a fucking waste of time that was. I don't know why, but I watch a lot of shows, all with like an hour long episode, and those can feel like they end too quickly. 13 reasons why however, you zone out feeling like half a day has passed and you still ain't finished the episode. Pure torture.  I just feel the show would work better as half an hour episodes. But that's just me. Anyway, I got no closure, because some characters just make me so fucking angry. Marcus, like why would you lie in court to protect him?! Makes no bloody sense. Then there's Montgomery who made me want Tyler to shoot someone. Because that (I want to use the C word, and if you know me you know that's some serious shit) needs to be fucking dealt with.

I guess I am more outraged about how there are people in the world that are genuinely like this. And I am happy the show portrays these people because hopefully it get's the world to see that we need to sort this out. We need to stop people being dicks so others don't kill themselves, or go on murderous rampages.

Yeah, this was a weird write, but I just had to vent some feelings after watching this show. Because there are just so many emotions, and if I do not explain to use the reasons why, then I don't think the outcome will be good.

Thank you for sticking with me, sure it can't be easy.

I'll see you when I see you!

Mad Adventures: Newcastle.

Hey you lucky bunch. I've actually made another post for the month. And it's a video. Don't expect this often though. This is just a video about my trip to Newcastle with Maddy, so enjoy!
See you when I see you!

Awkward April.

IT'S ABOUT BLOODY TIME!

Yes I know we are 12 days into May, so I should probably get started on that video now so I can actually post on time. But as I briefly explained I had technological issues, and then was very busy. You're lucky it is done now. Enjoy this mediocre piece of stupidity.

See you when I see you!

Patience.

Hello everybody, I just thought I'd write a quick little post. Not that anyone aside from myself really cares. Basically I was super prepared for the May post about what I did during April, but technology had other ideas, I have re filmed just need to edit so it will be delayed, hence why I want to warn you about it. This weekend has been very busy, but in such a great way, which is why the blog has taken a bit of a break. Just be happy I am happy.

See you when I see you!

Turning 21.

Oh my gosh I'm making a post! What is this life? But as you know I have been quite busy sorting out my life, and I am not quite there yet. To be fair I don't think I will ever have my life fully sorted out, which is probably why I end up being really stressed, because I like to have meticulous to stick by, but things recently have been out of my control and it freaks me out. Because my biggest stress is having time to do things. Which is why turning 21 was such a scary process, as it's supposed to be this big birthday, something special, and I just felt like I didn't have time to properly celebrate because there was so much other shit going on. I wanted it to be perfect, to the point where I probably made it shittier.

Don't get me wrong I had a lovely day, and I will talk more about it when I do my infamous vlogs about what I get up to each month, but I just feel like when I look back at turning 21 I won't think Wow that time was immense. You know? Which was no fault to those who helped make it special. Because I am so thankful to everyone in my life for putting up with me. How do you do it? Sometimes I just feel like I'm such a disaster to be around. Yet you are there. Some brave and brilliant people my friends and family.

So I'm not really sure what else I can talk about in this post, because I feel like some things I wanted to save for another post on it's own. Such as the progress of my moving out, or the events of my birthday, or how stressed out and pissed off work makes me. Man I could talk about some things for hours. But for this post I'm not really sure.

I guess I just wanted to say that I had this idea about what turning 21 would be like, and it was nowhere near my expectation. Not to mean it still wasn't good. Just not what I think. And maybe that is my problem. I get too in my head about how things should be. So on reflection of the last 21 years on my life, I need to care a little less. Have FUN. Great now I have the fun song from Spongebob in my head. Anyway. I need to stop sweating the small stuff.

Another thing, which my mum tells me I need to do is stand up for myself, be more adult. Because sometimes I think I have so much fear of how I'm going to be perceived it makes me very naive and a pushover. Which isn't going to get me very far in life.

Conclusion: Appreciate those around you. Appreciate you.

Look at me being a self-help blog.

Sorry this didn't make sense, I just felt like I needed to post something. Hopefully the next one will be better.

See you when I see you!

March Madness.

Hello, my life has been crazy this month, and there is one way to find out just how much. Watch the incredibly cringey video!

See you when I see you!

Relief.

Once again I am having a very busy time, when don't I nowadays? So this is probably going to be a quick little post. Mainly because I have been wanting to post it for almost a week now. Shame on me.

March started off very hectic for me, there was a lot of stuff to do in terms of work as we had an impending audit and my assessor was coming in to see me. So Elli got very tired and very stressy. But as you can tell from the title of the video...video? I mean blog post. Why did I keep that mistake in? I don't know probably to fill up the page as if this had a word count and I was writing an essay. I don't think I would get very high marks on this.

ANYWAY...

That visit with my assessor got me to 100% on my coursework!! Which means now when I sit at home binging Netflix I don't feel guilty that I should be doing coursework. I'm not definitely signed off an completed, because it all needs to be double checked by my assessor's boss, but for now in terms of coursework stress, I can relax.

However, life ain't that simple. There's still a lot of stuff to do, still a lot of things to stress about. Hence my not blogging. Don't expect much.

See you when I see you!

Which is probably a long way away. 

Sorry none of this made sense. 

Fabulous February.

Hey guys, so I've finally made a video. Yay. And it's essentially the exact same as last month, with a slight variation. But I hope you enjoy it.

See you when I see you!

RuPaul's Drag Race.

Hey Queens, so today I thought I would talk about a show I have recently watched (yeah I know I'm a little late to the party). But as some of you know I am a Big Brother fan, and the most recent winner Shane Jenek was best known as an Australian Drag Queen Courtney Act, and featured on season 6 of RuPaul's Drag Race. Now because my sister became obsessed with them, she felt the need to watch this season. So when I came home from work I would catch the end of an episode or two before we decided to properly watch it together. Because oh my gosh the bitchy drama.

So to start with let's just talk about my love for RuPaul and how jealous I am that he looks like a better woman than me. I also want to be this good at eyeshadow.  And he's just such a lovely inspiring person, and I wish I knew him personally. Plus he can write a catch song. "Oh No She Better Don't!"

Also from a previous Celeb Big Brother, I fell in
love with a lady called Michelle Visage (as you would know from a video and blog post I wrote about the season she was in) And she is a host on this amazing show. Yeah I'd like her to be a little less bitchy but I guess the brutal honesty is part of the job description.

When watching it obviously I routed for Courtney as she was the only one I knew, but when you already know what position she came in you had to find someone else to like. Which did take me a while. So I really liked BenDelaCreme because I liked to add AlaEdgar
onto it (Comment if you get the reference) And she was a good talent. And when she was in the bottom two for elimination and they had already told Darienne (ugh) to Shante Stay I was like NO, but it turns out they both could and I was very happy. Until she had to sashay away later on. SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE WINNER. I also thought Ben was an attractive man.

However I did like the finalists. Adore was Adorable. Courtney has a better body than I do, and Bianca was hilarious as much as I didn't want to like her. You warm to her as the season goes on. Plus she has her own film, which is actually really good.

But the challenges in the show were my favourite thing, because some were just too funny. Like the rapping for the incredibly catchy song Oh No She Better Don't, and the musical they put on, the ads they made, and weird acting things. My favourite was when they had to make up a Groom as a Bride, and then Ru married the couples because he just so happens to be an ordained minister. I want him to do my ceremony. Let's not forget the Lip Sync- FOR YOUR LIFE which came at the end of each show and was like the final chance to stay, because some of them were just so good.

This was a really good show, but I'm not completely sure if I would watch the other seasons, because I feel like I'd be like "oh where's Ben? Or Courtney?" I would feel like something was missing. We'll see. Apparently there are All Star seasons and BenDelaCreme(AlaEdgar) is in that so maybe we could give that a watch.

Anyway that is all the blog post I can master for now. See you when I see you!

When You Need Content.

Hello everybody, and by everybody I mean a select few people who stalk me, just as much as I stalk them. Today is going to be a post I haven't done for a while. You ready? A TAG! Yep so excited. Basically I saw Lish write a tag which she stole from Siobhan, so it's only natural I steal it too. Because Sharing Is Caring. So here is my rendition of the Questions You've Never Been Asked Tag. Even though I am sure I have answered some of these before. At some point. I've done a lot of tags okay sue me.

If you would like to check out the amazing post from the two before mentioned, extremely beautiful girls click on the super handy links below.


Now back to me because it's the whole reason you are here.

1. What’s your favorite candle scent? Yanke Candle, Cappuccino Truffle. Literally cannot get enough of it when I go into Boots.
2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? Poppy. Because it would be nice to not be the weird sibling.
3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? Andrew Scott. I would make him constantly act like Moriarty.
4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? Not to hint too much  but mid-twenties.
5. Do you know a hoarder? Sometimes I think I live with one. Sometimes I think I am part hoarder. I do not judge. 

6. Can you do the splits? HAHAHAHA. I will die.
7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? I don't know. Young?
8. How many oceans have you swam in? I don't think I've swam in any.
9. How many countries have you been to? 2. I'm so adventurous. Considering half of that is the country in which I live.
10. Is anyone in your family in the army? Not that I know of.
11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? I have many names I like. So far I'm really into the name Lia. But it's not completely up to me.
12. What would you name your son if you had one? Like Dylan or Toby, but again not just my decision.
13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test? U. I was devastated at the time, but evidently has not negatively impacted my life.
14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? I had many. Really liked Sailor Moon.
15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? The Classic Witch.
16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? I own all, but not actually read the Hunger Games. Twilight did not appeal to me. Harry Potter is awesome.
17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? Or a weird mixture of both? Wait I already have that...
18. Did your mother go to University? Yes, she trained as a nurse.
19. Have you ever taken karate lessons? No, I really wanted to in high school though.
20. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? How can you not?
21. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? Only ever been to Pleasure Beach in Great Yarmouth.
22. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? Well I know how to say I love you in Russian so it would be good to know more of the language. I would also love to speak Welsh, and Japanese, and Polish. I want to speak all the languages basically.
23. Do you spell the color as grey or gray? First off *colour. Secondly Grey because I didn't even know you could spell it gray. Unless it's like prey and pray, but I don't understand how that would work...
24. Is your father bald? No, if anything he gets too much hair.
25. Do you know triplets? It just so happens I do. They are lovely.
26. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? I haven't ever seen The Notebook, and am not actually confident I have fully seen Titanic. But I feel maybe The Notebook would irritate me less, because Jack could have definitely fit on that plank.
27. Have you ever had Indian food? Yes. I like it, but wouldn't go crazy for it.
28. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? Tough one. Probably Zak's. Now I want to go to Zak's.
29. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? No, and not really sure I want to.
30. Do you belong to any department stores (House of Fraser, John Lewis etc.)? I don't really understand how you belong to a store. But these places do not really appeal to me.
31. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? I'm not sure. Probably something weird, and not spelled the traditional way.
32. If you have a nickname, what is it? Well Elli is a nickname. There are more, the list is endless.
33. Who’s your favorite person in the world? I'm not going to answer this through fear of offending people. 

34. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? When I am old, like Grandma territory, rural, but until them I'm a city girl.
35. Can you whistle? Yeah. I like to whistle tunes to keep me sane. Cannot do a wolf whistle though.
36. Do you sleep with a nightlight? No, I just have the main light on. I'm scared of the dark, sue me. But please don't because I already waste enough money on electric.
37. Do you eat breakfast every morning? When I wake up in time yeah.
38. Do you take any pills or medication daily? Yeah.
39. What medical conditions do you have? As far as I am aware I do not. However I do want to have some bruises on my legs checked out, because I feel the amount I get is unnatural.
40. How many times have you been to the hospital? I don't know the exact number. There was when I was bored, a few genetic consultations and one for a lesion on my mouth.
41. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? Yes, because I am a massive Pixar fan.
42. Where do you buy your jeans? Primark, I only shop in Primark. I like what I know.
43. What’s the last compliment you got? "You will go far"
44. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Sometimes. Usually bizarre.
45. What flavor tea do you enjoy? Classic English Breakfast.
46. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? Like 7?
47. What religion will you raise your children to practice?  The religion of thinking for yourself.
48. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? 20, No I'm kidding. I don't remember that kind of information.
49. How old were you when you found out that the tooth fairy wasn't real? *See Answer to Number 48*
50. Why do you have a blog/make videos? I love having something physical to look back on, and think, wow this is what I used to be like. Plus it helps me deal with stress, and cope with situations.

So that was it. Fascinating I know. But I'm just thankful I have some content, because it can be a real struggle sometimes. 

See you when I see you!

Positively January.

This month has felt like it was going on forever! So to try and make it seem a bit more cheerful, I made a video about what I enjoyed in January. Enjoy!

See you when I see you!

Yadda Yadda

I know I've been away again, but it has been a crazy time. Which I feel is only going to keep happening. So we've got that to look forward to. To catch you up on the goings on of my life, I have been promoted at work. Initially this sounds like great news. But it's not all that great. No matter how much I tell myself that.

We'll take a step back to why I am being promoted. Basically the original Room Manager of Pre-school has decided to go work for a smaller nursery, which for her was the right decision and I'm happy she's happy. However, I was worried about her leaving, because since I started she was my support line, she knew how everything worked, and she was just so helpful and friendly. I saw how stressed she got when she was promoted to that position. So obviously I'm scared that this will happen to me. And after this week, if anything my fear has been confirmed to be rational.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about how I feel at the minute, but it basically comes down to the fact that I feel I am not being given the time to achieve what I am expected to achieve, management tell me that they will not set me up to fail, but it is essentially all they have done. YaddaYadda. It doesn't help that I am stressed out from other aspects of my life.

But yeah, I am coming home exhausted and unsure of how best to move forward. So wish me luck.

Sorry I couldn't be more interesting.

See you when I see you.

Perfect Balance.

If you are coming into this post thinking it will be like some sort of self help book, where I give you advice about how to find perfect balance in your life. You may as well go now. Because on this blog we more discuss the failures of my being and how this concept is unobtainable. But you know got to draw your attention some how.

 As I mentioned in my last blog post, I had failed to blog consistently. This was because in my list of things I needed to do this could be sacrificed more than the others. Which irritated me so much, but I just didn't know how to balance everything to make time. It was the lead up to Christmas so I had to ensure all my work stuff was up to date so I could relax, try to finish my coursework, go Christmas shopping, wrap the presents, see friends and family, spend time with Matt before he goes back to uni, play animal crossing, eat, sleep, try to carry out my diet plan, and think about all this stuff I had to do. Which sounds easy enough, but it really isn't. Especially when the most important things to me on that list, are seeing those people are love so much and make me happy, and sleep. Because sleep is just so fucking good.

So at last Christmas is over, but I still feel just as stressed. Mainly because of coursework. Mainly because I seemed to have lost all motivation to do so. I'm so close to the end of my course I can taste it, yet I get to my computer and I just can't seem to do any. What makes it worse is how there is now so much more pressure to complete it. Because the deadline is getting closer and work wants to promote me, but that can't really happen until I am completed. So could me not being motivated be my way of saying I'm not ready for these new responsibilities? I'm trying to cling on to the good old days where I could get away with the bare minimum because I was still learning. I don't know.

But I really struggle at the minute. To find this balance. I try to focus on the things that make me happy, and I often feel I am making the wrong choices. So maybe sacrificing things now will help in the long run. But then I think about what if my life ends tomorrow. I don't want to regret missing out on seeing those certain people. I don't want my last moments to be about coursework. I just wish I could find some way to pause time. So I could do all my coursework in a space where I am not tired, I do not need to be at work, or see my friends, and I have exhausted all the videos on YouTube and the tasks on animal crossing.

Hopefully, my stressed motivation will kick in and I finally finish this goal. And once it's over that's it. Unless I want to complete a management course, but that isn't really on the table right now. I want to try and sort out the other aspects of my life for a bit. Wish me luck with that.

See you when I see you!

Ashamed.

Hello everybody. So you've probably been wondering where I've been. I say in hope that someone actually reads this, even though I know that no-one actually gives a shit. Anyway. Yes I have not blogged, or vlogged or something along those lines, and it really fucking irritates me. But I just have not had the frame of mind to do so. A lot of stuff has been happening whether good or bad, and I just hasn't felt right to sit and focus on this particular task. So, to myself mainly. I'm sorry.

Nonetheless, it's a new year, so it's a time to make plans  for improvements. And if you know me you'd know I'd need a lot of improving. So let's review the list I made last year to see how well I improved on them, before ultimately making my new resolutions, to better myself. Here we go.


1: Move out. HAHAHAHAHAHA. 

I mean this year I did make an awful lot of progress, going to flat viewings and actually applying for a place, but I soon realised that it was not going to happen because I do not earn enough money. So really it was not my own personal undoing but the unfairness of society. 

2. Learn to drive. Yeah this has not happened either. Haven't even looked into it. Thought about it, is as close as I will go. At least for now... But essentially this failed because I just simply did not have the time for it

3. Exercise more. Aka. Lose weight. This one I can proudly say I am achieving. Yeah I started in October, but I still actually started and am still sticking to it. Basically I have tried dieting, and cutting down on calories, and I have been on the odd jog and do some exercising activities. At this current point in time I have lost 6.1kg, and I'd say that deserves a round of applause from me. 

4. Stop letting people who mean nothing to me get to me. There's been a lot of drama this year that I am not proud of. But I'm proud that I've made the decision to stay clear of it now, and I am happier for it. You just have to move on right?

5. Be more organised with coursework. Another laughable moment. I just keep telling myself there is only 18% left. 

6. Bringing the debate back to whether or not to get tested for Huntington's disease. I was right I didn't stick to this one. There's been to much other things going on. Recently I thought about it a lot, but I think with what is going on I'd rather not know my fate. 

7. Keep up with the consistent blogging. Well I did achieve this up until December, so I am counting this as a win. I even brought back the vlogging regularly for a brief stint. The last couple of months have not been the best okay. But hopefully I can try to keep it going, because it is a nice escape. 

So that was ultimately a fail. And I thought to myself that I shouldn't even bother for a task this year, because these all end up the same. However, in the true spirit of New Years, even though we are 4 days delayed. I will give my one, yes one, resolution. Which is....

Be Happy In Myself. 

Yeah I just simply want to end 2018 thinking that I am actually proud of who I am. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am the reason I am happy. 

There we go. Check in next year to see the outcome! But check in between that time, because I don't want to go through this journey alone. See you when I see you!

Let's Play: Animal Crossing Pocket Camp!

Hey, so if any of you were wondering what has consumed my life this past week. Look no further than this free app based on my favourite game from childhood. Animal Crossing!! And because it so happens to coincide with the video week, I have made a little video showing my first look at the game. Enjoy!

See you when I see you!

Primark Haul.

Hey everybody, so today we are going to have a different post to the usual stuff. Thought I’d mix it up a bit. Keep things fresh. So today we are going to be doing a small haul post, because the other weekend I went shopping in Cambridge. I mainly went and purchased stuff in there Primark, but I thought it would make a cute little post, as when you run out of creative ideas, you’ve got to take every chance you get. Plus, there isn’t much to do on my way home on the train, so I started drafting the post.#

Now I love Primark, essentially everything I own comes from there, because it’s cute and affordable. However, I hate shopping in Primark because (the one in Norwich in particular) is chaos. But once you understand how to manipulate that chaos, it’s fine, and you get some very lovely clothes. For me those lovely clothes fall under three categories: Checked shirts, and jumpers. If you are lucky some kind of combination of those. I considered this trip a lucky one.

So, here’s what I got. Quick note, sorry about the pictures, but I didn’t really know how to pose, and Matt was being annoying with the camera. Anyway…

 First, we have, what I didn’t realise until I read the receipt, A Woollen Boyfriend. It’s basically a checked shirt dress I can sleep in. And I am wearing it with jeans in the picture just because I hate my legs. I love the colours, the pattern and how comfortable it is. Plus, one thing I love is being lazy and wearing pyjamas and now I can bring in my love of checked shirts so it’s a win all round.

Next, we have a Cable Jumper, because I need more jumpers in my life to keep me warm. Plus, it was a plain colour and one of the few jumpers that didn’t have weird rip holes in it or some kind of other strange décor. Like ribbon? Anway, cute, cosy let’s move on.

This was one of those lovely finds, a checked shirt dress. I love the colours, and I didn’t realise it came with a belt until I took it from the rail. I love a good belt. However, there aren’t enough holes, so it is basically pointless as a waisted belt. Also, I bought a size 14 which I thought would fit and it did, until I buttoned down to the hips, which is why I have left it unbuttoned. But I guess I can use the fact it doesn’t fully fit as goal to lose weight. Because I cannot be bothered to exchange it.

Lastly, we have my favourite thing. The jumper checked shirt combo. A way to look casually smart, and just like Elli. It’s so comfortable, and I love the colours of it. I didn’t realise that there is a tiny pattern of holes along the front and back, which if stretched could become a bit…revealing. But overall I really love this piece.

To accompany all the clothes, I just bought some High waisted black skinny jeans, because they are so comfortable, and some black leggings. Sense the theme. I also bought underwear but there is no way I am posting that on the blog. Maybe if you are lucky you can see it in real life 😉 No that’s not even a funny joke…

Anyway, thank you for reading this little post of something new. I hope it was a good distraction. I shall see you when I see you!

Let Downs + Sims 4

Hey there.

So I had a plan for this post. It was the traditional video upload, and I was like I will play sims because the new expansion pack was released last week and I could show my opinions. But everything has just seemed to fuck up. I've had stressful times at work. The audio of the first recording sucked. I rushed to record a second one. Have spent days recording so already missing the deadline I set for myself so it has annoyed me. So I was like well as long as it's up for when I post my blog. But no. Everything is crashing, everything is failing me. I'm at the brink of crying because it's stressing me out, because in all honesty the video probably isn't even worth the fucking effort.

I'm sorry there is nothing of interest. But let's face it. You aren't real. This is just me putting pressure on myself. So it should just be dealt with.

Hopefully something more interesting next week.

Sorry.

See you when I see you.

So here is the video. Totally not worth the wait, which is why I am not designating it it's own post anymore.

I'm Not Okay (I Promise).

Right now I feel this song accurately represents my life. Yeah I have no worries about the photos my boyfriend took, I don't really get dirty looks, and I haven't broken my foot from jumping out the second floor. But I am not okay, yet I say I am. Now that may be confusing, because things were looking up for me. I caught up with coursework, work was less stressful, I started a diet plan to improve my life, and I was sorting out my room. So as you guess from the title there is a massive but lingering somewhere. 

Well you are wrong...

However (see how I got you), this past week and a half I have been super worried about it all going kaput. Why? Because I worked a fuck tonne, so when I came home I did no coursework. Fair to me I decided to do it at the weekend. My plan, see friends for Fireworks on Friday, then crack down to sort out room Saturday and do coursework on Sunday. And it never happened. Instead I binged watched Atypical on Netflix (which you should all go watch by the way) and the most achievement I got with my room was moving my bed like a foot to the right. So I'm worried. Worried that my plan to keep on track, sort out my life is going up in smoke. And I just don't know how to be okay anymore. 

It started on Halloween. Yeah I got to dress up at work, I carved some super cute pumpkins but work was stressful to a point I got angry, couldn't explain it and just burst into tears. Then proceeded to eat like half a jar of Nutella, which when you are trying to diet isn't the best thing to do. So what happened? I felt more shit. The week that followed was just more of a shit show. Coming home stressed and just wanting to binge on food and panicking that I would not be able to get to the place I want to be. Which currently is happy. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed Friday seeing my friends, yeah I was super tired and cranky but they really did help. Problem is I can't see them everyday. Same with Matt, yeah we call, but it's not the same as him physically being here to cuddle it all away. 

So what do I do, because I feel like no matter what I try I am looping back to this stage of unhappiness. And it's all linked to time. If I don't do it now, when will I do it? And the fact I am failing now means I will always fail. I have to try and get out of this mental state, but it is really difficult. And it's like do I just keep trying to keep having cycles of feeling ultimate shitness, or do I give up and think, well fuck it. But then still be upset with my life because the plans were to fix my insecurities. I just need to magically become a better human being. 

However, this isn't the entirety of my life, there are good days. Yeah I'm not experiencing many right now, and am at the point where I don't think they'll come back. But I think knowing there are good times, is why you do the thing of "I'm Okay" because you think it will just go away, not be a problem anymore. Or at least, you hope. Right now I'm running out of hope. Which is why I felt the need to post this. Because maybe blurting it all out in some nonsense text will help cleanse my mind. Who knows? 

So I'm sorry this was a really weird one, and congrats to you if you read through the whole thing. Unfortunately there is no prize. So double sorry. 

I shall see you when I see you!

DIY: Pumpkin Carving.

Yes more Halloween themed content, because you can never get enough spooks. To top this off we have my scary attempt at carving my own pumpkin which...was...well...just watch the video!

Sorry.
See you when I see you!

In This Town Of Halloween.

Hello everybody, and as you should all probably be aware by now, next Tuesday it's Halloween! Yay! Personally I love Halloween, because it's a chance to dress up and have fun. Hence this marvelous post about my favourite holiday.

Considering it is my favourite, I'm not very good at celebrating it. I wasn't a big decorate my house person, or a thinking of extravagant costumes, and I very rarely took part in trick or treating and attending fancy dress parties. Despite this I do remember moments of the few times. Personally I seem to remember no earlier Halloween experience since before I started high school. Maybe they were that traumatic, but here we go. 

Pointless confession time, because you read this after I write it so if I never mentioned it you'd never know it happened, but I'm going to confess anyway because that's just the person I am. Basically I was writing out a long post about all what I remember from Halloween, when I discovered I have actually done a blog post 3 years ago with the same thing. So I wasted a bit of time. But if you would like to read these for yourself you are more than welcome to click here. Then if you would like to read about Halloween of 2014 you can click here too. Even though it wasn't really that exciting a post. 

I guess the logical thing to do now is talk about the Halloweens since then. But there have only been two, and from what I recall I spent 2015 just hanging with my sister watching movies, and 2016 I went to a work colleagues and just chatted and had drinks. I feel like my whole plan for this post has gone out of the window. Well I guess I can still talk about what I am going to be doing this Halloween. Wait...I have no plans. So far it's just going to work. To be fair Halloween is a weekday and I need to be responsible. I think I'm going to dress up as a witch, I know super creative. But I work with children so I can't be anything too scary or inappropriate. Therefore, my options are very limiting. I have thought about dressing up in just a general costume, like I have a casual Ariel costume, but I feel I would stand out, and I hate feeling like that sometimes. 

I do love all the gory make-up things I see on the internet though, and I think that I am going to teach myself how to do that, and host my own Halloween party. But I think it may be some time before I get to that stage. 

Well I've run out of things to talk about, sorry this wasn't very good, but like I said you can go back and read my other Halloween posts to keep you distracted from responsibilities. I know that's what I am going to do!

See you when I see you!