Hey there. So today I am just going to do a little bit of sharing. Because sharing is caring. Mainly because I don't really have much else to say. So this is probably just going to end up being a short little post.
Basically I am going to talk about one of my anxieties, which some people might not understand, which is fair enough I don't truly understand it myself, but don't go hating on me ok? Ok. So for years I have had this anxiety about eating in front of people. Now this can vary depending on who I am with and what I am eating, but sometimes the thought of eating in front of some people makes me uncomfortable and sometimes I get really panicky about it. A reason I bring this up is because I have been getting panicky over the 6th form ball because there is a 3 course meal and a possibility I have to sit with people who I am not comfortable eating around. And that freaks me out.
I have a few theories as to why I don't like eating with others, and these are:
I have weird eating habits with certain foods, and I have physically had people judge me for it and I get paranoid about that.
Also I am the classic "I hate my body" kind of person. And I just get scared people judge the way I look and compare it to the way I eat, so I try not to eat a lot, or anything.
I know these are stupid, but I can't truly explain the reason. But it's not that I never eat in front of anybody. It's more those I don't feel comfortable around yet. So with family I eat whatever and I eat so much without a care in the world. Then there are people like Jessie who I could eat a full meal around, because I have known them long enough and trust them enough. I see them more as family basically. Then there are my friends who I can eat with as long as other people are eating, but I wouldn't eat a lot in that instance. But with some of my friends I might not eat at all when I am with just them. It's not because I don't love you enough, but to me I just like to limit the amount of people that see me eat. I don't even know.
I guess being a fussy eater also doesn't help, because I get anxious when people offer me food and I don't like it, because I feel pressure to at least try it not to be disrespectful or something. It's not my fault I don't like a lot of foods. I eat the food I like, it's what I know, and it's enough to live on.
So with the 6th form ball I am worried about not liking the food but feeling pressured to eat it because I am with people who don't understand the way I am when it comes to food. So it sucks. Plus I have to pay £30 for it.
I also have another weird anxiety about crowds of people, which I get from my mum. I just start panicking about judgement that I am making up, I know I am, but it still freaks me out. When you see me alone in the city I just walk around as fast as I can to get everything done so I can return home and be all alone.
Anyone got any weird anxieties? Sharing is caring.
See you in the 'morrow!
Actually, the way you eat milky ways is inspiring. You are a genius when you eat. :) I literally just ate a milky way Elli-style :) Actually tastes better. We all love you, no matter how you eat :) And if connor says any more about this anxiety then we will all batter him to pieces and I'm a fussy eater too SOOO bad. I know this isn't going to help your anxiety because that's the point about them: they don't always make 100% sense, you can't talk people out of it, but I just wanted to let you know that one of the reasons why you're judged by how you eat kitkats and stuff is because it's revolutionary and sometimes people, myself included, can't handle it the BUMS :) looking forward to the ball with you :) PS I also hate crowds so let's hate them together that night. :)
ReplyDeleteAny other anxieties? F**k loads (didn't know how clean your blog was so I decided to censor). I get anxious when people do things that are bad. Like one time someone I was with told a takeaway delivery driver that his boss said we shouldn't pay the whole price because he was 20 minutes late delivering the food that might be cold. I freaked out because I have (not diagnosed or nothing) Mastigophobia which means if anyone does something that I feel might cause a serious consequence or punishment to me or those around me, I freak out. I've learnt that as a young adult, there are some things that people can do in which the punishments are too minor for me to care about and those I've learnt to control my fear of because I want to have fun, not listen to every rule all the time. But sometimes I get anxious. You're not alone in your anxieties. Everyone has them at some point.
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