Was It So Bad?- August

 Despite being DISGUSTINGLY hot, I think I have managed to survive August okay. It felt like such a long month, and yet I am scared that summer is now over. I always get left with a weird sense this time of year, like I should have achieved more while the sun was up, made the most of the summer. But I need to stop worrying about time. And actually looking back I have achieved so what the fuck is wrong with me?

I AM ELLI : August has seen yet another rollercoaster of emotions, and I think mainly because I have just been to exhausted to hold it all in. I am also tired of just being tired all the time, and having one small simple task needing several days to recover. I guess that is why I feel like my time gets wasted, and then I get into the point of not wanting to do anything at all. But I have been leaning back into some much loved hobbies, like painting my nails, painting in general, and I even dabbled in some baking, which even though they didn't turn out perfect it was a needed saviour from a crappy day I was having. Towards the end of the month I got better at journaling, and I do believe it was helpful in keeping me afloat, and even when I have bobbed under the water, I am able to resurface again. Something else I achieved was finally completing the bug museum on Animal Crossing New Horizons after 6 years. TAKE THAT GOLDEN STAG!

I AM A FRIEND: I have felt a little lost this month without my usual interactions with the community groups I used to attend, but I have tried to message the odd time and keep in touch. One bonus was a cinema trip planning with Amethyst, and even though our first film we wanted to see was helped along the way by AI so we boycotted, we still got to watch STOP! THAT! TRAIN! Which was a lovely piece of escapism. I also got to see my long time pals!!! Amy celebrated her birthday and I got to experience a tribute show, which was different let's put it that way. But I had a lovely time just seeing the joy on my little Amy's face as she danced along to the tunes. I also got some quality time with Emma as we took our annual DinoPark trip with Nora, and I just need more time with these people. I wish life didn't get in the way. 

I AM A MOTHER: The summer holidays are always a massive test for me. I create this expectation that I have to give Nora this amazing time, and then I end up burning out, or for some reason beyond my control Nora will get angry over something, take it out on me, and I will question if I was ever good enough to be a mother. But I am because I have dedicated time to her and we have made good memories. We have built forts, made kinetic sand, done lots of pictures and paintings, and lots of play. She has been treated to some cute monster high dolls (not just because I also wanted some from the Witch set), and we have had fun days out to Pleasurewood Hills, Roarrr, swimming, and having a couple of play dates with her friends. The not so good times, I just need to remind myself that she is young, she is probably neurodivergent, and these are short term reactions. Hopefully when she is older all the hard work pays off. 

I AM A HOMEOWNER: We will ignore the ghastly state of the summer house, and spare room, and the places I always say I need to sort out, but well done to me for maintaining the rest of the house. I fully cleaned down the bathroom, and managed to get Nora's help in wiping down some of the windows and windowsills. Her room is tidy, and I managed to get a bug bomb for the house to try and help with the one insistent flea that will not vacate the premises. I even did some weeding of the garden so yay. 

I AM IN A FAMILY: There have been a few quality family moments, as we saw both my nan's, and my parents came by the house a lot. Nora was actually pretty cute with them. Managed to spend some time with Hariette, as she joined us at Pleasurewood Hills and we had lots of fun laughing/screaming on the barnyard ride.  

I AM A PARTNER: Again Dean has been pushed a little to the side-lines as I am trying to balance exhaustion, work and a 7 year old in the holidays. But I would say I have still managed to give him adequate time. My favourite day was our date day at the beginning of the month, where I joined him at a football game, we had a lovely meal at Turtle Bay, and we got some free ice cream at the cinema to watch SPIDERMAN!!! We even decided to walk home from the city in the very late evening, and it was just some lovely quality time together. Sadly we never got to the paddleboarding, mainly because weather and illness, but we are definitely going to plan more times together. He has been a great support with keeping me positive and just reassuring me that I am not the mess I tend to convince myself I am, and I am very thankful for the amount of patience this man has. 

I AM AN EMPLOYEE: I would say out of all the areas, this is the one I am most content with. I have been at work, offering to help a little extra, getting my tasks done, and having a good work ethic. Yeah there was a little slip around the staff meeting, but I think that is just the staff meeting vibes. Been given praise for my help. So I am going into the new term feeling like I am going to rock this somewhat. And I do not care if that sounds cocky, I need to be my own cheerleader and have some confidence!

So the summer is over, and new school term begins, so obviously it is time to try and reinvent myself yet again. Therefore some achievable targets are needed, so I do not get to harsh on myself when I do not manage to get them done. 

• Try a new recipe from one of my cookbooks. 
• Reconnect with my community groups. 
• Support Nora in the transition back to school.  
• Get rid of unneeded clothing items. 
• Reach out to my 
• Get Dean a token of my appreciation for him. 
• Practice small talk with a colleague. 

See you when I see you!