Why hello there. I keep saying to myself that I need to make some kind of record of my progress, almost create a learning journey for myself like I would for children at the nursery I work at. Because maybe if I see myself more like this 3rd party entity I might actually provide myself with better care. But I never really knew where to start. This blog is my safe space and probably is the best thing I have as some kind of log of my life, and it hit me. I used to post Q&A's a lot back in the day when they were all the rage. And many years have passed in those so why not revisit the questions. And like I said I have done a lot of them in the past, so I have a few to go through.
Let's cast our minds back to December 2013, when I posted Answer a Bunch of Questions Tag. Which was me following a trend. Shocking. Interestingly I didn't originally answer all the questions (or apparently post what those even would have been) because I didn't find them applicable to my life, but I was curious and thought that maybe they apply now, so I went on a google deep dive, and luckily I found the original 100 question tag in the shallow waters. So copy paste and here we go.
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I think I would like my door to be closed, but usually something sticks out and prevents it from fully shutting. I really should though because my cat likes to go inside and leave her floof on all my clothes. ( I didn't answer this previously because I had a tiny box room which was literally just a bed and a small unit I had a TV on), but then again I want to help power Monstropolis.
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Oh I can finally answer this now because I have stayed in hotels, but sadly my answer is quite boring as I don't take them, and if anything I bring my own along with me...
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? So I think this just depends on my mood, because if I get hot I like to have one of my limbs sticking out, but I know I don't like to lay down without something covering at least a part of my body. More than most I would lay on my side and have the duvet tucked around the leg on top so the lower leg is just sandwiched between the duvet and the mattress.
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? I didn't even think this was something people do. I am trying to think how I would even go about this.
5. Do you like to use post-it notes? I love to buy cute post it notes, I like to think I love using post it notes. I am terrible at using post it notes. I need a note to remind myself to write the note and then check the note. But I guess that's my ADHD.
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? These don't really come about anymore, but I always read things and consider it when I come across one, but more than likely they never seem to be for things I would actually want/need. Now a coupon for my mortgage would be lovely.
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? My answer is still the same of a big bear. But I could probably elaborate more on the reasoning now. Like a swarm of bees would be extremely overstimulating. The sound, the visuals, the touch from all the stings. Ugh. Even if they don't get close to me just being near enough feels like it would be too much. But a bear. I would like to cuddle a bear. Would be a good way to go.
8. Do you have freckles? I still maintain my seasonal freckles argument. For some reason my skin complexation alters in the summer to show the freckles.
9. Do you always smile for pictures? I get very paranoid about pictures. I used to pull weird little faces, my dad would always comment on the stupid faces I would make, so I tried naturally smiling more, but then I start hating how my face looks (double chins and all that), and I also start analysing how natural it looks, like will people see the pain in my eyes, or think I am trying to hard, does the amount of smile adequately match the context for the rest of the image.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve? I think this still remains the same, like abbreviations of words or phrases being used. Don't get me wrong I used to do it a lot. Telling people on MSN that I'll BRB and then follow it up with a WYD, or when I had the old phone when you had to numerously press the number key to get the correct letter, compared to having the entire keyboard easily accessible. I think there are too many now, and you keep seeing people get confused by the meaning. Like thinking LOL is Lots of Love and not Laugh out Loud.
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? I don't tend to, and I think it is mainly because of how easily distracted I get, so when I try, something happens and I lose it. I did for a bit have a fit bit and had that count steps for me. I think I would become a bit obsessed with the numbers, like if it wasn't the right amount I would not be happy. I have started playing a little game with my daughter though where she directs me home from the school, and I count the number of steps she says (mainly because it never goes very high, and we count together so there is less forgetting).
12. Have you ever peed in the woods? Now I am not sure exactly how much it counts as the woodlands, but I took more of the woodland like walk home from clubbing once and desperately had to go.
13. What about pooped in the woods? That is a definitive no. Mainly because I don't spend lots of time in the woods.
14. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? All the time, and it is probably more because even if you can't hear the music, there is always music in my mind.
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? A lot, and I really have to remind myself not to do so when I am borrowing a pen from other people.
16. How many people have you slept with this week? I am in a happy monogamist relationship so just the one.
17. What size is your bed? I think just a standard double.
18. What is your song of the week? What a good question. According to Spotify it is Science Fiction/Double Feature from The Rocky Horror Picture show. Which is indeed a classic. I think my internal song has been When The Sun Goes Down by The Arctic Monkeys, mainly because I like saying "wat a scummy man" in the accent. Curious what my previous answer was...bare with while I check even though that isn't how blogging words...Girl All The Bad Guys Want by Bowling For Soup. I like the theme that none of these are modern songs...
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? As long as it is Wednesday (classic Mean Girls reference there). But honestly ANYONE CAN WEAR WHATEVER COLOUR THEY WANT!
20. Do you still watch cartoons? Yes, they are a comfort, they are cute, and if it isn't even my choice my daughter will force me to watch some with her anyway. I got her to watch The Totally Spies Movie the other day and I felt very proud about myself as a positive parent influence.
21. What’s your least favourite movie? I mean there are SO MANY MOVIES! I would say 2001 A Space Oddyessy. I am told it is a classic, but I just couldn't sit through it, I had to turn it off, and if you know me you know it takes A LOT for me to refuse watching a movie until the end.
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Something I have learned as I have gotten older is anywhere quickly becomes hidden to myself. On numerous occasions I have been doing a sort out and found huge chunks of money stuffed between books or folders etc, so I would say there but now I have said that you would all know where to look and I need me treasure.
23. What do you drink with dinner? I would say 83% of the time you will find me drinking a cuppa tea.
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? I don't eat nuggets. Even vegetarian versions. Probably because I consumed my lifetimes worth as a small child.
26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Edward Scissorhands, Love Actually, The Princess Diaries, The Little Mermaid, Kpopp Demon Hunters, the list goes on.
27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? My wonderful partner Dean.
28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? No, I feel like I should have gone to brownies considering my last name is Brown.
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Trust me nobody want's to see that. And I will NEVER have the confidence in myself to do that.
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Actually it was the other month, I had written a letter to my manager, I mean it wasn't an official written letter that I sent off with a postage stamp (not sure I have ever actually done that) but I would say it comes close enough.
31. Can you change the oil on a car? I mean I can, whether or not I have done it correctly is the question you should be asking.
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Nope, I do not drive, even when I had lessons she would constantly tell me to put my foot down so I do not think I would get one.
33. Ever ran out of gas? No I fart like a trooper (sorry that was probably TMI but I couldn't relate this to driving. Actually I could relate it to the gas that drives myself, in which case I technically have because I reached burn out and couldn't function anymore. My Body Ran Out Of Gas.
34. Favourite kind of sandwich? I am pretty boring when it comes to sandwiches, like I would just put in a Quorn product. But Toasties, I am starting to be a bit more creative with.
35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? Love a crumpet, pop some Nutella on that and we are in for a good day.
36. What is your usual bedtime? I go to bed somewhere between 9 and 10pm, but when I go to sleep is an entirely different question.
37. Are you lazy? I used to label myself as this so much, it has caused a lot of self hatred for myself, because NO I AM NOT LAZY I HAVE ADHD.
39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? I believe I am the OX.
40. How many languages can you speak? I can speak English, and I can say the odd phrase or word in Russian, French, German, Spanish, and Japanese.
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope.
42. Which are better, legos or lincoln dogs? I am not sure what Lincoln "dogs" are but I imagine it is meant to say logs which honestly I also do not have much experience with. I would have to go with lego, or at least the cheaper knock off versions people get me.
43. Are you stubborn? Very, and I have passed this trait onto my daughter, so the house gets pretty fun sometimes.
44. Who is better, Leno or Letterman? I don't really know who either of them are, I have heard the names, but couldn't tell you much, so I will try to rephrase the question to more applicable people to me. Norton or Ross? I would have to say Norton as I find Ross really up himself and annoying. But honestly I do not engage much with this type of TV anyway. Norton on RuPaul's Drag Race UK though.
45. Ever watch soap operas? I used to religiously watch Eastenders, but my own life sometimes feels enough like an opera. I think the pressure of committing every day is too much, and the stories just feel so forced and repetitive sometimes. I don't mind reading about them, or I like to still tune in for the Christmas episodes, or when they do things like crossovers or live filming.
47. Do you sing in the car? Singing is my safety, so if I am in a car with people I trust I will be singing you the song, performing the instrumentals, and giving you the show you deserve.
48. Do you sing in the shower? I don't really take showers (mainly because trying to get the temperature right is a pain so I just have baths, but I will sing there.
49. Do you dance in the car? Again if I feel safe around the people in the car I will be moving and grooving.
50. Ever used a gun? Paint, Water, Laser and Hot Glue.
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I one when my daughter was born, and even though it was mainly her there was a picture of both of us, I didn't purchase a copy of that exact picture though, but I think it counts.
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yes, but I love a musical. Just bursting out into a jaunty tune.
53. Is Christmas stressful? Yes. I create such high expectations, put so much pressure on myself to ensure everyone else is having a great time, but am I having a great time?
54. Ever eat a pierogi? No but after a google, I think if I found one with the right filling I might enjoy it.
55. Favourite type of fruit pie? Probably just a simple apple, though I am more a crumble girly.
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A teacher, and I am kind of that just for smaller smaller children.
57. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. I want to believe in a lot of things, I love to be curious. I just think they are there going about their own thing, watching the stories of their loved ones unfold.
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? I get it an awful lot.
59. Take a vitamin daily? I do, because I believe it will make me better. Not seeing much results. But then again maybe I would be worse than I currently am without them, now that would be a sight.
60. Wear slippers? Sometimes, I change between slippers or those cosy socks.
61. Wear a bath robe? Only on special occasions like hotel stays.
63. First concert? Mindless Self Indulgence, and technically still my only real concert to date. I have been to smaller gigs for local bands at a pub or something. I am going to see My Chemical Romance later this year though which will be exciting.
64. Wal-Mart, Target, or Kmart? Now I don't really have experience with these so we will return to another adaptation. B&M, Home Bargains or Poundland? Truthfully I like to alternate between these because you never know what fun thing you might find. But I think I end up in Home Bargains more often than the others. I just looked back on when I last answered this and I changed it to ASDA, Tesco or Sainsburys and it is interesting that I have now changed my answer to ASDA.
65. Nike or Adidas? Again I do not really know enough to form an opinion. I know both I probably don't pronounce correctly. So I will do Doc Martens, or Converse? And this mainly depends on the time of year, because for the colder months you will see me in nothing but my comfy boots, but they don't tend to go with my summery outfits.
66. Cheetos or Fritos? Controversial but I don't like crisp products. I know, I know. So we will go with Chocolate or Sweets? Chocolate will win, but sometimes I do get real cravings for fruit pastels.
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Nuts for Peanuts.
68. Ever heard of the group Tres Bien? Nope, now it is time for me to deep dive into this group. Yeah no not my vibe.
69. Ever take dance lessons? No, I think it would be cool to be able to dance properly, but I think I would be too embarrassed if I don't pick it up right away.
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Well I am hoping my future spouse is my current one, and I don't mind what he does as long as he is happy with it. When I answered this in the past I put about how I didn't want them to do anything to businessy and that describes my partners job.
71. Can you curl your tongue? No. And yes I did just try and pull really weird faces in hope I could finally achieve it.
72. Ever won a spelling bee? Nope.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes.
74. Own any record albums? Sadly not.
75. Own a record player? Sadly not.
76. Regularly burn incense? No, but I do enjoy the scenty smells. I have candles.
77. Ever been in love? I would be very surprised if what I feel for my partner isn't being in love.
78. Who would you like to see in concert? Fall Out Boy
80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot Tea because I am a Hottie.
81. Tea or coffee? Tea all the way. I really tried to get into coffee because I adore the smell, but the taste just does not agree with me.
82. Sugar or snickerdoodles? Are these like biscuits? After a google Snickerdoodles do sound rather interesting. But I can enjoy a boring biscuit from time to time. 84. Can you swim well? Enough to get places but not win races.
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yeah, is this not common?
85. Are you patient? Depends on what I am having to be patient for, and who I am with, because sometimes I can put on my mask and seem like yeah everything is cool, and sometimes I can become very agitated and because of therapy and such I have tried to adjust my mind set that not everything is a big deal, or I try to find ways to make the waiting more bearable.
86. DJ or band at a wedding? As long as the band can play any song on request, but give there own twist to it, because sometimes I enjoy a good cover song, but if they were playing originals I didn't know. Like even if it was a famous band like Fall Out Boy, I wouldn't want just Fall Out Boy songs, I like variety.
87. Ever won a contest? No I have little talent or skills.
88. Ever have a plastic surgery? No, but I would like to. I know everyone should be comfortable with the body they have yadda yadda yadda, but I have extreme hatred at how overweight I am and I just can't get into the rhythms and routines to not be obese. And it doesn't help that my comfort is eating, so when I feel down about my body I eat my feelings, thus making it all worse.
89. Which are better, black or green olives? Probably black. Neither are particularly great but I think I am better with a black olive when I do eat them.
90. Can you knit or crochet? Well, I have actually started practicing crochet, and I can do it, just not well.
91. Best room for a fireplace? I have one in my living room, and I think it is where they look the best, you have a mantel and it gives big family homes vibes. Though I hate when it is windy and you can hear it travelling around the chimney, so the best room is none of them.
92. Do you want to get married? I had always wanted to get married. I thought that was the thing, house marriage kids. But my life has not worked out that way. So it feels less important. Like my partner already feels like a husband, we just don't have the rings and piece of paper, but we own a house together, we raise a child, we work as a team to keep each other going. Wedding's are expensive. So if it works out that we can get married I wouldn't turn him down, but as long as he is always by my side I don't need the official WIFE title.
93. If married, how long have you been married? I am not married but we have been together for 7 years now.
94. Who was your HS crush? I had A LOT of crushes in high school. Most of which developed into those little relationships where you mainly say you are boyfriend and girlfriend and go to the cinema together but never really much else (well for me at least). To list them all would be pointless.
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? When I was a child I used to. And when with my ex I would try to again. But I learnt that it doesn't get you anywhere. I have a lot of internal meltdowns, but I mainly give in to people pleasing now, but that can lead to it's own problems. I think people need to find that healthy middle ground of advocating for their way but also not creating a big drama about it. But I guess that comes from the others involved. When you are around people who are co-operative and compromising you don't feel the need to scream and fight.
96. Do you have kids? I have one beautiful daughter.
97. Do you want kids? I had always wanted to be a mother, and I love being a mother. But I also hate it. I hate how draining it is for me. I hate all the guilt. I hate the giant expectation I set for myself, and the constant doubt that I am good enough. I hate having to try and regulate her emotions when I have no idea how to handle my own. I hate how I can feel both suffocated by her but also want her to be with me when she isn't there. Parenting is tough. But also I want to do it again with my partner.
98. What’s your favourite colour? Blue, but my daughter is really getting me around to the ideal that Teal is the ultimate colour.
99. Do you miss anyone right now? Currently as I am sat home alone, I miss everyone, for different reasons, in different ways. But mainly I miss myself. I miss the person I used to be somewhat proud of, because I don't get to see her very often.
100. Who would you want to answer all these questions next? Anyone who wants to, I am not going to name anyone specifically.
Well done to anyone who sat and read through all of that. As I always say these posts are not for the entertainment of anyone, I just like to think there is someone reading who can hold me accountable for promises I make, or I can feel like maybe when I help myself by writing these I can also be helping others, because then it makes me more likely to help myself. But this was fun, and therapeutic almost, trying to uncover a bit more about me that doesn't feel stressful, like work or money, or health. Just tea or coffee?
Shall I do more?
See you when I see you!
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