But does that stop me making a new one? Fuck no. Because like I said my music opinions change, and this time I want to focus more on the lyrics. I feel that the reason most people enjoy certain songs is because of how they relate to the lyrics. And you tend to connect certain songs with certain things. So when I went through my breakup/overwhelming feeling of shitness, some songs I couldn't listen to. For instance when I would make my Youtube montages about holidays, or trips, and the song that would back that then reminds me of those happy moments. Therefore I get upset thinking I'm no longer that happy.
The song Tightrope from The Greatest Showman really speaks to me. Because I always feel when I'm in a relationship that I would do anything for that person. I'd follow them to the great unknown, because to me they are what matters. And I think I did risk a lot to be in my last relationship. Towards the end at least. And despite feeling like I had that promise he'd never let go, he did. So that song stirs up a lot of emotion for me.
So then we turn to ABBA, and the song Angel Eyes. Because I feel like certain elements do perfectly explain how I feel. Like I felt like seeing him again in person hypnotises me to think he's the only one for me, and the disguise I found out he wears wasn't completely shitty, because you know his angel eyes. The second verse I think really does explain it. Because when I am lonely I sit and think about him and it hurts to remember the good times. And I do wonder if everytime I see him would it bring back the pain. Because so far it has.
I do try to cheer myself up a little with a very relate-able Paramore Song. Playing God. Because when Hayley Williams sings about bending back the pointed finger I feel like YEAH. I will break down the pointed finger of blame. Because at least I accept where I have fucked up, so I will point you to a mirror.
So really I just need to find more songs that psyche me up to be a happier person. And Fall Out Boy are one of the best places to go. The song Bishop's Knife Trick has the lyric "these are the last blues we're ever gonna have" which I am trying to repeat over and over, because I do want that experience to be the last blues I'm going to have. And then I match it to the lyrics from Champion which is "If I can live through this, I can do anything" so those last blues I lived through, shows that I can now do anything.
Finally I just have to try and adapt myself to be more like Grace Vanderwaal in the song Clay. Because she talks about not letting their words hurt. Which is probably the biggest reason I have struggled since last June. Someone can say something to me and I mould to it. Like the issues I had with my manager at my old job, because she made me feel like the effort I made wasn't good enough. The pressure I had in my last relationship because I would feel like I wasn't enough. The scar I have from being told my one life goal would be a car crash. I began to live inside the world these people created for me, to the point where I didn't feel I deserved to exist. So I need to stop being clay. I need to stop being so easily moulded into these negative shapes, until the words mean nothing to me.
There are so many more songs I could quote. But that would just take up too much time. Maybe I could make another post like this another time, for now I shall just leave this here. See you when I see you.
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