Commitments.

Being an adult is a struggle. When I was younger the only real commitments I had was attending school, and completing homework. Other than that my mum did everything for me. And now I am becoming a mother for myself. So shit I need to start doing everything, not just for me, but for them.

So it started with finding a job. I mean I already kind of had one, but they are not hours I can live off. Therefore I searched for a second one. And managed to get that pretty quickly. Therefore I have to ensure I go to work, to get the money.

I also had to try and find another source of income, meaning I had to get help benefit wise, which I always wanted to avoid, because I always feel there are people who need it more than I do, but I have to think more practically. The first step was going to Citizens Advice, whose main advice was to use google. So I used google, and signed up to Universal Credit.

Which led to more commitments, like attending regular appointments with a work coach, going to youth workshops, and completing paperwork. Which I find pointless because I do have jobs. I just can't earn what they want me to earn in my circumstance. Because let's face it I'll only have that full time job for 6 months maximum. But if I want the additional support paying my rent, I have no choice.

I also now have to make phone calls to sort out registering for a council house. I have anxiety about phone calls, especially when they want you to use the phonetic alphabet. But seriously what other letter do you confuse for U? But yeah I need to dedicate time to ensure that me and BB have a place to stay.

Speaking of BB (Baby Brown) there are also the commitments I have to take for their care. Such as attending midwife appointments and scans. Making sure I am consuming folic acid, and aspirin daily, and also eating well. And trying not to be stressed. Which if you read my last blog post that is a commitment I fail with.

I find it difficult trying to balance all these. My head is spinning just thinking about all the things I need to do. And that's not even including the things I want to do for myself. Such as going swimming to stay more active, blogging more regularly to keep more stable, or my other project I am working on. Let alone commitments to seeing friends. I think I will manage somehow. I need to manage somehow.

See you when I see you.