The Party Don't Start 'til I Walk In.

A beautiful quote from the magnificent Paige on my first venture out into the clubbing experience. And honestly Paige has never shown me her party side to this extent and I was nervous about that. And I did spend about an hour before I left about how I really didnt want to go. Because I've never been out before and had no idea what it would be like and that kind of thing panics me. But I'm so glad I went because we had so much fun.

So I started off meeting Paige and Scott at Revs  where we hoped our friend Connor could serve us. But unfortunately he was in the kitchen. Scott bought us some shots. I had the "Love Candy" and "Mango and Pineapple" which were nice but the latter had a weird after taste. Then, after a bit of chat, we separated so Paige, her sister and I could go to the Harry Potter night at the Cabana Club. Basically there was more staff than customers and it felt like there was nothing to do with HP. All I really remember is Paige getting really excited about a woman handing out lollipops in the bathroom.

So we met Scott at waterfront after a very cold wait in the queue. And again Scott got us drinks. And I at first felt very awkward dancing, because I thought people would judge the way I danced. As well as this I didn't really know the first few songs that were playing. But then you hear that one song and I got very into it. Belting out Mr Brightside and I believe in a thing called love were some great moments. And this was until 3 am. And considering I left home at 7am to go to work I was very surprised I was that active for so long.

I'm still not completely confident in the night out experience. There was awkwardness when you didn't know the songs. And people trying to push into you. Like there was a couple who pushed into me because they were too into grinding each other. And I mean whatever floats your boat, but I don't want to be subjected to that. Also the toilets were a fucking nightmare. For girls anyway. Scott was in and out while Paige and I were still queuing. It was funny though when this bitch of a girl barged her way through not even apologising because her friend was about to puke and karma hit her when her friend starting puking on her face.

There were some good moments though when we thought we saw Connor but it turned out to be someone called Stan. But this guy looked so much like him. Dressed like him and even moved like him. So Connor if you're reading. I think you have a twin. And there was a moment when a girl approached me asking if I was okay (I was standing on my own for a minute so for awkward) and she had genuine concern for me then said I liked very nice. It restored my faith in humanity.

In conclusion I'd like to go out again. Because it was really fun. But maybe wear more sensible footwear because my feet really started hurting. Then when I woke up film my four hours of sleep, my legs were in so much pain. Like my thighs just hurt. But I feel that was due to the time I spent dancing linked to how much time I usually spend exercising.  Which is none. But maybe this could be my regular exercise ;) See you when I see you!

Getting a Tattoo.

Yes the title gives away the surprise but... Surprise! I got a tattoo. And it was an experience. So obviously I am going to blog about it.

For a while now I have spoken about getting a tattoo,I always said about getting something meaningful to show support for something I care about. Then my sister got one of fang from Mona that vampire and I thought fuck it. I love cats I love Sailor Moon. So here's my tattoo. In my mind it is supposed to be more of a representation of Luna bit if you are fans of the animal you would know own that it looks more like Artimus because he was white and Luna was a black cat. But either are cute so I don't really care.

If you have known me for a while you would know I have a thing for temporary tattoos and I would always place them on my left wrist, which is why I have opted to place the real tattoo there. Because I just feel my wrists are weird looking so I need something pretty to distract away from it. And now instead of spending lots of money on fake ones that rub off as soon as you have a show I'd spend lots of money that if you take a hot shower too soon after getting it could actually rub off.

  

Part of me does regret getting it a little bit. Because it is not completely what I imagined it being and I am to socially awkward to keep saying how I wanting it asking in a certain way and just assumed they knew more about what they were doing and went along with it. Which you really shouldn't do. But mine is growing on me and I'm glad I proved to myself I am actually capable of doing something like this.

The experience wasn't anything like I thought it would be. You'd look at the design going it won't take that long all they do is print off a stencil and trace it. But no it took half an hour! The guy who did it was like right I'm finished...with the outline. And I was looking at the clock thinking. Someone come save me. Because it wasn't that it was a huge pain that was unbearable. It was just really irritating and constant. Even when he paused the pain was still there. Heck even when it was over. And yeah I knew it would hurt but nothing really prepares you for that. I dealt with it by singing in my head, and the more it hurt the louder I sang.
 

Then when it was all over my arm got wrapped in clingfilm and I was relayed a bunch of instructions on how to care for it I didn't know getting a tattoo required so much work. Plus the guy who was telling me this spoke so quickly I didn't get half of what he said and felt too awkward to ask again. So I'm in a state of panic it's going to get infected or ruined in some way and therefore wasting all the money and time and pain.

I probably wouldn't relive that experience again and it hasn't helped with my fear of needles ad I would have liked it too. But like I said before. I'm glad I did it. Because I'm never really impulsive. Plus it gave me something to blog about! See you when I see you!

Coping Mechanism.

When you are as emotional as I can be, you need to find different ways to try and deal with that without making it as awkward for those around you. Even though 90% of the time I do fail at this.

As a child I used to play with dolls, and as much as I hate to admit it, I continued playing with them for much longer than what is considered socially acceptable. But that was my coping mechanism. I indulged myself in the pretend world of the dolls to take my mind of the stressful things in my life. Lots of time I would use them to have an uncomfortable conversation with someone I thought would make the situation worse if I actually have it, so that way I could process and move on. Nowadays I still have the pretend conversation, just don't act them out.

Another method I use is what I am talking to you now on. I have mentioned many times I see this blog as my therapy space, because to me I don't imagine many people read this. Or at least read it and care. So it provides me with the freedom to express my feelings without any judgement. Yeah I could just write it all down and not publicly share it, but it's the sharing that helps. As my manager said to me the other day "a problem shared is a problem halved". Some posts I do feel a bit weird about sharing, like the ones about the genetic disorder because I feel they can be interpreted as a cry for attention. But none of this is. I blog for two reasons: To have something to read back and remember the nice times, To have an escape where I can cope. Because if I don't tend to express my feelings to anyone I do tend to explode. I mean I do that anyway. And I really regret when I do that because I say things I don't really mean. If you have ever been on the receiving end of that I am sorry.

Other than this my main coping mechanism is talking to people who make me happy, such as my friends. Even if it is just talking about nonsense. Or I do just find various distractions, such as Youtube or reading, to pretend the problem doesn't even exist. Because if I have no reminder of what brings me down it won't bring me down.

But everyone has different ways to cope with different situations. And you may not think it is the responsible way to deal with things, but if it helps us personally, why should it matter? Unless you think it is actually more damaging just accept that is the way it is going to be. I know this is a bit of a weird post but it's my way of coping ;) See you when I see you!