So anyway, we begin our 90 hour journey (yes you read that right, but don't worry I am not going to detail every single hour, mainly because like I said my memory of events does get a bit hazy) on Monday 10th, it was late evening and I was doing what I always do, hanging out with Dean. When I started to get this cramping pain. I remember from the antenatal class they described this as being similar to a period pain, which I guess it kind of was, but I don't really remember what they felt like at this point. So I didn't really make a big deal out of it, I would just count how long they would last for and how far apart they were. The conclusion being they were too short and random to be significant labour, but were the early signs it was on the way, and considering Nora was due to be born the following day I was a little hopeful. That night I did manage to sleep, but it was very broken as I would wake to small pains. On the Tuesday my contractions were still all over the place, so I decided to use this time to just ensure I had everything ready, even though I already had my hospital bag packed I felt it was safe to just go through it all again. So I needed to make sure I had my pregnancy notes, a change of clothes for both myself and Nora, a blanket for Nora, nappies, cotton wool balls, travel toiletries, maternity pads, and breast pads. It was also suggested to me to bring in something to keep me entertained like a book, but I never read it. I was also recommended to take formula milk as a back up to breastfeeding, but in all honesty the hospital are so helpful in trying to get you to feed, and they have a back up supply. I found as well that you could just get someone to get you more of anything when you are in hospital so try to pack a little light. Especially as there isn't excess amounts of space on the ward. Anyway, another thing I wished I had packed was a portable charger, luckily I had Maddy to the rescue for that, but you aren't able to plug in a charger.
Anywho back to the labour. So Tuesday 11th, I waited around for a sign something would happen, nothing did. So in the end I just had a nice chat to my dad who came to keep me company in this time. He was trying to place bets on when he thought she would arrive, he said Friday, so congratulations Dad you were correct. We then went through predictions that were made at my baby shower, and wow some people were way off. Again that night not a lot of sleep happened as I would keep being disturbed by the irregular contractions. On Wednesday my mum decided to keep me company, and was suggesting things for me to do to help speed the process along. So I was doing squats and lunging and trying to remain on my feet. Which really hurts your back. This time I had a timer to check how long contractions were and how much time were between them. Just be better at using it than I was because I'd always forget to press the button when the contraction had finished. Once Maddy had finished work she came to join what I refer to as Labour Watch, and she would motivate me to squat and lunge and all that. We even got my bean bags to act somewhat like a yoga ball. Here we managed to get my contractions to be more regular. So they were lasting more than a minute every 5 minutes. And in my antenatal class they said this was a good time to contact the hospital. Which by the way is difficult to do. I felt like I would ring them for ages and nobody answered. They then want to talk to you long enough for you to have a contraction, as they can tell how intense it is, by how well you can talk and judge how long it is. They also ask you if you've had a show, which at the time I wasn't too sure that I had. It's described as a discharge from you know down there, which can be pink in colour and quite gloopy. I remember having a small amount of this in the morning, but I later realised there was more to come.
So the hospital said I could go to delivery suite to be checked over. And after a long wait in the waiting room, which was boiling. However there was a cute girl in there to keep Maddy and I entertained, she liked trying to race me to the wall as I paced around. I finally got checked over, which was an uncomfortable experience. You have to get half undressed lay on a bed with your legs apart and a midwife sticks a finger up there, only to be told that you're 1cm dilated. So I was sent home disheartened and paracetamol-ed up. Because at this point, I was just too tired, and I felt like I would have to keep reliving the last couple of days again. Another sleepless night went by and my contractions went back to being irregular, yet way more painful. So I tried to comfort myself with some cat cuddles and this time spent most of the day in bed trying to rest. Around 9pm they began to become more regular and I though this is it, so I contacted my birth partners and the hospital so we can get the baby out of me. Even though I didn't know if I would have the energy for it. Despite all that, I was diagnosed as 2cm. So that day of more intense pain was for 1 cm. I just cried from exhaustion and wanting to see my child and wanting the pains to just go away. The midwives said that I could stay on the ward for the night, as I wanted some better pain relief to help me sleep. And even though I was given morphine I still didn't have the greatest sleep. It's almost like every time I had drifted off BAM, and I had to start all over again. I had my mum to hold my hand and keep me company, well when she wasn't outside for a cigarette.
In the morning Dean came to check I was okay as the doctor came to talk to me. They discussed how as I was now 3 days late there was some ways they could try and help speed the process along. I don't remember the methods, but I remember they kept asking what I wanted. And all I wanted was to sleep. Because I felt so exhausted I didn't think I could push out a baby, so I wanted whichever method was safest. But the decision had to be mine, and I honestly didn't know what to think. So I was given more pain relief and told they were going to try to move me to the midwifery led unit as that is where I wanted to be on my birth plan. While we waited for more conclusive answers on what would happen I went to have a bath, which was really nice, and did ease the pain of contractions a bit. I was in there for a couple of hours and then returned to my bed. The contractions would continue being painful, and I was trying to get more rest. I then just remember sitting up and telling my mum I felt sick, so she found a bedpan, and literally the moment it was handed to me I was sick into it. Like a lot. But the sickness went after that. It was pretty bizarre.
This is where it got even more crazy as I honestly can't recall most events. But all of a sudden I was in high intense pain, like I screamed the ward down kind of pain. I had this weird sensation like water was just pushing out of me and it really fucking hurt, and I was trying to tell the midwife and I felt a little like I was being ignored. So I cried and screamed and would just not move my head away from the side of the bed. I thought if I just hid the pain would go away. I honestly do not know how everyone coped with me. Again I was being asked what I wanted, and I just had no answers. Because I just wanted everything to stop. The next thing I knew I was being given gas and air and told I'd be taken to delivery suite. I literally took in a breath and threw it crying about how I didn't like it as it made me feel like I was falling. However that didn't stop me wanting it back when the next contraction came. Honestly do not take in lots of short breaths like I did because that's not how you use the stuff. Like I had enough to feel really weird while I was being wheeled across the hospital, like I was flying around. Next thing I remember was that every time I took in the gas and air for a contraction, it was like I lost control of my body, and this shiver almost would run through my body and I would push. Now was not the right time to push, and I knew this. I kept saying that I didn't want to take in any more of the pain relief because it meant I was pushing when I wasn't meant to, but I still took in the breaths. I still pushed. I still was in pain.
Next thing I knew I was pushing for real. And it was a combination of being told to breathe, and Dean providing me with water through a straw, then taking in the gas and air. I had people telling me I was doing really well and I didn't believe it. When I had a contraction I had to push to get the head out, however if you didn't get to a certain point it would go back in and there was something about my contractions that just weren't long enough. I can't recall just how many times I pushed and was told if I just did one more the head would be out, but I didn't have it in me. I was in so much pain, and I said the cliche "I can't do it" like I could just go back and it won't be happening anymore. But I had to keep going and at 16.38 I finally pushed out her head, and I could hear my mum talk about how much hair she had. The pushes after that were easy, and it felt almost like she fell out of me. They then laid her on my stomach and I was just staring at this dark head of hair while midwives were cleaning her a little. I was informed that she had pooed on me. So that was lovely. But I didn't really care. I was overwhelmed with the idea that I could finally see my daughter after 9 months. She was a reality now, and everything was different. I just wanted to cuddle her and never let go, I believe I even kissed her gross head. I didn't even realised that they had injected me to get the placenta out. I was like oh that happened. And I hate needles/injections. The placenta came out super easily, and there was the disturbing conversation about what to do with it. I decided I wanted nothing to do with it.
And thank god now all the pain was over.
At least so I thought. Turns out all that pushing I did at the wrong time had resulted in a tear. And even though the tear itself was not that deep, I was losing a lot of blood. So I was given an anaesthetic and they stitched me together, then they noticed a graze right by my clitoris, and debated whether or not to stitch that up as well. After what felt like all the midwives taking a look up there, they decided that I would not need stitches. At this point I had inhaled a lot of entonox (the gas and air) so was feeling very floaty and they wanted me to go and sit on the chair so they can change my bedding. All I remember from this was the feeling like I was falling, my mum said that I had fainted, and when I was back on the bed they noticed that my pulse was really fast, and therefore wanted to insert a canular to give me some fluids. But they inserted it into my left arm wrong, so that got very sore and bruisey, then my right arm got sore from the actual canular. Which made it difficult when I was trying to breastfeed Nora, as I felt that I couldn't really hold her properly. Because do you know how hard it is to hold a wriggly newborn when both your wrists are in pain.
It wasn't over. While Nora was being checked over the midwife when the last time I had gone for a wee was. And my answer was before everything went down. So I was then propped weirdly on the bed (as they didn't want to risk me getting up again) with a bedpan underneath me and it was the weirdest thing as I felt the sensation of wanting to go for a wee but nothing happened.Therefore it was decided that I needed a catheter put in. WOO more procedures. After the pain of that being inserted there was a new debate about the graze being stitched. So the shift change of midwives all had a good look down there as well. This time they felt it should be stitched, but wee unsure what to do because I didn't really take well to the anaesthetic last time, and they didn't know how much I could have so close together, meaning there was talk of taking me into surgery which was terrifying. But I braved it with the numbing injection and entonox and Dean holding my hand and telling me it will be okay and I was doing really well. During this I breathed in the entonox like you're meant to, and it felt almost like everything had hit a delay. Like I would hear words echo then all of a sudden this pain would shoot through me and this pulsing as I tried to move my body away. The weirdest part was how I would cry, like I cried 5 seconds before I could then hear it. It felt broken. And I couldn't open my eyes even if I tried. So it was just darkness. After the intense pain I began to breathe in the entonox a lot, so it all of a sudden got really bright, and then there was a red light, then amber then green passing me. It was very bizarre and I would love to see what I looked like when I was on the stuff, because like I said I felt like everything i did was on a delay, so what did it look like in real time.
At least after that my problems were starting to get better, and I was able to actually eat something, and have a good cup of tea. As the only thing that I had managed to eat that day was a digestive biscuit and that took me an hour to consume. But now I could finally rest, and cuddle my daughter. Which is where I will leave this post considering it is just about my labour. There are more things I could discuss about my time in hospital and looking after my daughter, but that will depend on the time and effort I have in me to complete it. We shall see. Until then enjoy this photo of Nora, and I shall see you when I see you!
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