My Labour Experience.

Now I'm about to enter into a topic that for some may be intriguing and you'll be desperate to read on to find out exactly how labour impacted me, and for others you'll probably be like "Ew gross, why'd you go into such gruesome detail?" and the answer to that is simply to inform. Because as someone who had no idea about how labour would go about, despite watching tv shows and attending the antenatal classes, I was not prepared for that, so if I had something like this it might have been better? Worse? Who knows, either way I just want to share my experience. Now if you are familiar to this blog then you would realise that I actually went into labour 2 months ago, so honestly my memory of it will probably be a bit hazy. But it's what they say isn't it, you tend to forget the trauma of labour to then go on to have another child.

So anyway, we begin our 90 hour journey (yes you read that right, but don't worry I am not going to detail every single hour, mainly because like I said my memory of events does get a bit hazy) on Monday 10th, it was late evening and I was doing what I always do, hanging out with Dean. When I started to get this cramping pain. I remember from the antenatal class they described this as being similar to a period pain, which I guess it kind of was, but I don't really remember what they felt like at this point. So I didn't really make a big deal out of it, I would just count how long they would last for and how far apart they were. The conclusion being they were too short and random to be significant labour, but were the early signs it was on the way, and considering Nora was due to be born the following day I was a little hopeful. That night I did manage to sleep, but it was very broken as I would wake to small pains. On the Tuesday my contractions were still all over the place, so I decided to use this time to just ensure I had everything ready, even though I already had my hospital bag packed I felt it was safe to just go through it all again. So I needed to make sure I had my pregnancy notes, a change of clothes for both myself and Nora, a blanket for Nora, nappies, cotton wool balls, travel toiletries, maternity pads, and breast pads. It was also suggested to me to bring in something to keep me entertained like a book, but I never read it. I was also recommended to take formula milk as a back up to breastfeeding, but in all honesty the hospital are so helpful in trying to get you to feed, and they have a back up supply. I found as well that you could just get someone to get you more of anything when you are in hospital so try to pack a little light. Especially as there isn't excess amounts of space on the ward. Anyway, another thing I wished I had packed was a portable charger, luckily I had Maddy to the rescue for that, but you aren't able to plug in a charger.

Anywho back to the labour. So Tuesday 11th, I waited around for a sign something would happen, nothing did. So in the end I just had a nice chat to my dad who came to keep me company in this time. He was trying to place bets on when he thought she would arrive, he said Friday, so congratulations Dad you were correct. We then went through predictions that were made at my baby shower, and wow some people were way off. Again that night not a lot of sleep happened as I would keep being disturbed by the irregular contractions. On Wednesday my mum decided to keep me company, and was suggesting things for me to do to help speed the process along. So I was doing squats and lunging and trying to remain on my feet. Which really hurts your back. This time I had a timer to check how long contractions were and how much time were between them. Just be better at using it than I was because I'd always forget to press the button when the contraction had finished. Once Maddy had finished work she came to join what I refer to as Labour Watch, and she would motivate me to squat and lunge and all that. We even got my bean bags to act somewhat like a yoga ball. Here we managed to get my contractions to be more regular. So they were lasting more than a minute every 5 minutes. And in my antenatal class they said this was a good time to contact the hospital. Which by the way is difficult to do. I felt like I would ring them for ages and nobody answered. They then want to talk to you long enough for you to have a contraction, as they can tell how intense it is, by how well you can talk and judge how long it is. They also ask you if you've had a show, which at the time I wasn't too sure that I had. It's described as a discharge from you know down there, which can be pink in colour and quite gloopy. I remember having a small amount of this in the morning, but I later realised there was more to come.

So the hospital said I could go to delivery suite to be checked over. And after a long wait in the waiting room, which was boiling. However there was a cute girl in there to keep Maddy and I entertained, she liked trying to race me to the wall as I paced around. I finally got checked over, which was an uncomfortable experience. You have to get half undressed lay on a bed with your legs apart and a midwife sticks a finger up there, only to be told that you're 1cm dilated. So I was sent home disheartened and paracetamol-ed up. Because at this point, I was just too tired, and I felt like I would have to keep reliving the last couple of days again. Another sleepless night went by and my contractions went back to being irregular, yet way more painful. So I tried to comfort myself with some cat cuddles and this time spent most of the day in bed trying to rest. Around 9pm they began to become more regular and I though this is it, so I contacted my birth partners and the hospital so we can get the baby out of me. Even though I didn't know if I would have the energy for it. Despite all that, I was diagnosed as 2cm. So that day of more intense pain was for 1 cm. I just cried from exhaustion and wanting to see my child and wanting the pains to just go away. The midwives said that I could stay on the ward for the night, as I wanted some better pain relief to help me sleep. And even though I was given morphine I still didn't have the greatest sleep. It's almost like every time I had drifted off BAM, and I had to start all over again. I had my mum to hold my hand and keep me company, well when she wasn't outside for a cigarette.

In the morning Dean came to check I was okay as the doctor came to talk to me. They discussed how as I was now 3 days late there was some ways they could try and help speed the process along. I don't remember the methods, but I remember they kept asking what I wanted. And all I wanted was to sleep. Because I felt so exhausted I didn't think I could push out a baby, so I wanted whichever method was safest. But the decision had to be mine, and I honestly didn't know what to think. So I was given more pain relief and told they were going to try to move me to the midwifery led unit as that is where I wanted to be on my birth plan. While we waited for more conclusive answers on what would happen I went to have a bath, which was really nice, and did ease the pain of contractions a bit. I was in there for a couple of hours and then returned to my bed. The contractions would continue being painful, and I was trying to get more rest. I then just remember sitting up and telling my mum I felt sick, so she found a bedpan, and literally the moment it was handed to me I was sick into it. Like a lot. But the sickness went after that. It was pretty bizarre.

This is where it got even more crazy as I honestly can't recall most events. But all of a sudden I was in high intense pain, like I screamed the ward down kind of pain. I had this weird sensation like water was just pushing out of me and it really fucking hurt, and I was trying to tell the midwife and I felt a little like I was being ignored. So I cried and screamed and would just not move my head away from the side of the bed. I thought if I just hid the pain would go away. I honestly do not know how everyone coped with me. Again I was being asked what I wanted, and I just had no answers. Because I just wanted everything to stop. The next thing I knew I was being given gas and air and told I'd be taken to delivery suite. I literally took in a breath and threw it crying about how I didn't like it as it made me feel like I was falling. However that didn't stop me wanting it back when the next contraction came. Honestly do not take in lots of short breaths like I did because that's not how you use the stuff. Like I had enough to feel really weird while I was being wheeled across the hospital, like I was flying around. Next thing I remember was that every time I took in the gas and air for a contraction, it was like I lost control of my body, and this shiver almost would run through my body and I would push. Now was not the right time to push, and I knew this. I kept saying that I didn't want to take in any more of the pain relief because it meant I was pushing when I wasn't meant to, but I still took in the breaths. I still pushed. I still was in pain.

Next thing I knew I was pushing for real. And it was a combination of being told to breathe, and Dean providing me with water through a straw, then taking in the gas and air.  I had people telling me I was doing really well and I didn't believe it. When I had a contraction I had to push to get the head out, however if you didn't get to a certain point it would go back in and there was something about my contractions that just weren't long enough. I can't recall just how many times I pushed and was told if I just did one more the head would be out, but I didn't have it in me. I was in so much pain, and I said the cliche "I can't do it" like I could just go back and it won't be happening anymore. But I had to keep going and at 16.38 I finally pushed out her head, and I could hear my mum talk about how much hair she had. The pushes after that were easy, and it felt almost like she fell out of me. They then laid her on my stomach and I was just staring at this dark head of hair while midwives were cleaning her a little. I was informed that she had pooed on me. So that was lovely. But I didn't really care. I was overwhelmed with the idea that I could finally see my daughter after 9 months. She was a reality now, and everything was different. I just wanted to cuddle her and never let go, I believe I even kissed her gross head. I didn't even realised that they had injected me to get the placenta out. I was like oh that happened. And I hate needles/injections. The placenta came out super easily, and there was the disturbing conversation about what to do with it.  I decided I wanted nothing to do with it.

And thank god now all the pain was over.

At least so I thought. Turns out all that pushing I did at the wrong time had resulted in a tear. And even though the tear itself was not that deep, I was losing a lot of blood. So I was given an anaesthetic and they stitched me together, then they noticed a graze right by my clitoris, and debated whether or not to stitch that up as well. After what felt like all the midwives taking a look up there, they decided that I would not need stitches. At this point I had inhaled a lot of entonox (the gas and air) so was feeling very floaty and they wanted me to go and sit on the chair so they can change my bedding. All I remember from this was the feeling like I was falling, my mum said that I had fainted, and when I was back on the bed they noticed that my pulse was really fast, and therefore wanted to insert a canular to give me some fluids. But they inserted it into my left arm wrong, so that got very sore and bruisey, then my right arm got sore from the actual canular. Which made it difficult when I was trying to breastfeed Nora, as I felt that I couldn't really hold her properly. Because do you know how hard it is to hold a wriggly newborn when both your wrists are in pain.

It wasn't over. While Nora was being checked over the midwife when the last time I had gone for a wee was. And my answer was before everything went down. So I was then propped weirdly on the bed (as they didn't want to risk me getting up again) with a bedpan underneath me and it was the weirdest thing as I felt the sensation of wanting to go for a wee but nothing happened.Therefore it was decided that I needed a catheter put in. WOO more procedures. After the pain of that being inserted there was a new debate about the graze being stitched. So the shift change of midwives all had a good look down there as well. This time they felt it should be stitched, but wee unsure what to do because I didn't really take well to the anaesthetic last time, and they didn't know how much I could have so close together, meaning there was talk of taking me into surgery which was terrifying. But I braved it with the numbing injection and entonox and Dean holding my hand and telling me it will be okay and I was doing really well. During this I breathed in the entonox like you're meant to, and it felt almost like everything had hit a delay. Like I would hear words echo then all of a sudden this pain would shoot through me and this pulsing as I tried to move my body away. The weirdest part was how I would cry, like I cried 5 seconds before I could then hear it. It felt broken. And I couldn't open my eyes even if I tried. So it was just darkness. After the intense pain I began to breathe in the entonox a lot, so it all of a sudden got really bright, and then there was a red light, then amber then green passing me. It was very bizarre and I would love to see what I looked like when I was on the stuff, because like I said I felt like everything i did was on a delay, so what did it look like in real time.

At least after that my problems were starting to get better, and I was able to actually eat something, and have a good cup of tea. As the only thing that I had managed to eat that day was a digestive biscuit and that took me an hour to consume. But now I could finally rest, and cuddle my daughter. Which is where I will leave this post considering it is just about my labour. There are more things I could discuss about my time in hospital and looking after my daughter, but that will depend on the time and effort I have in me to complete it. We shall see. Until then enjoy this photo of Nora, and I shall see you when I see you!

Jubilant July.

So it is August now, and boy does time fly by, therefore the only natural thing to do is talk about how I spent my July. Which was primarily with a baby, but there's a few other fun things around that.

To start the month I was waiting around the flat for the midwife to come check Nora over, they were very happy, and discharged us. Which was a relief to know I was doing something right. In the afternoon we ventured out to a place in the city called Revolution Portraits to see which picture of Nora from her photo-shoot I wanted to keep. I was very worried entering the building that I would be very tempted to get all of them, but I could not justify that £200 purchase. Luckily for me there was one stand out adorable photo, so I chose that one and then returned home to spend my evening in the usual way. Caring for Nora, and hanging out with Dean. On the 2nd it was finally time to register Nora's birth, where mum and dad took us out to

Earlham Library which was a pretty cute little library, and we met a very nice lady who made the birth certificate. It makes everything that little more real to see my name under the mother section of a birth certificate. And to see a name I have chosen as her official name. Nora Allyce Rose looks very pretty on a birth certificate. After this I was then treated to a meal at the pub across the road, and Nora had a nice time interacting with her Nanny and this little elephant toy she has. The next day was pretty chilled, before meeting Hariette in the afternoon for some food at Ed's diner, which was upsetting because they have changed their menu to remove the only Veggie Burger I would eat :'( and  then we did some shopping.

The Thursday was a pretty chilled day, and then in the evening  I went to go see Maddy at the Cathedral Gardens, as it had been forever since I saw her. We had a bit of a rough patch after Nora was born, but do not fear as we are good now! Nothing can break up the dynamic duo of Maddy and Elli. So it was lovely seeing her, and she had her first proper hold of Nora which she really liked. The next day my Nannie came to visit, dropping of the baby sling she got for me, it took a while for us to figure out how to use it. And then we drove out to introduce Nora to my Granddad. He was very pleased to see her, even though for some reason he kept

thinking her name was Arina. But when one of his workers came in he was very proudly showing off his Great-Granddaughter, saying her name correctly this time. And when we got back to the flat the rest of the family were waiting for us, Nora had some lovely sleepy cuddles with her auntie, and I had a good catch up with mum. The only thing is I do have to watch them all argue about who gets to have the first cuddle with Nora. Then that weekend was pretty chilled hanging out with Dean, I think we ventured into the city with the intention of shopping, but only really achieved a food shop. But food is very important. Then on Sunday evening Maddy came to see us, and was very happy she managed to very briefly get Nora off to sleep. When Nora was more awake later we then began singing ABBA, to which Nora definitely moved her hand to Dancing Queen, and it was in no way a coincidence.

The next couple of days were a little stressful as Nora had colic which meant she both wanted to feed but didn't want to feed, and this confusion made it so she didn't sleep either. Tuesday morning I took her to the walk in centre as she wasn't quite registered with her doctor yet, and they checked her over, because I felt she was getting worse despite me using infacol, luckily they said she was fine other than the colic, so I should just wind her for longer to ensure the gases aren't as trapped. That afternoon of the 9th Hariette came for a sleepover! Bringing a delightful Nandos with her. I say delightful I was disappointed that my chips were cold, but I guess with takeaway food there is always that risk. She claimed she came over to help with Nora, which in some way she did as she would help cuddle her to sleep. But when it came to Nora waking in the middle of the night Hariette just slept through it, until right near the end where she held Nora's hand and then proceeded to fall back asleep. In the morning my dad came to see us all and managed to get Nora to suck just her thumb for the first time, which was adorable. They both decided to the head into the city, and I had a relatively good afternoon. Dad returned the next day with mum for yet more cuddles and chatter. It's nice to have them help because I try and get some more sleep, and know that if she

gets upset they can comfort her a little. However, when I can hear her cry I wake up, so it's not the most solid plan. Friday 12th Dean took a day off work to see me, and we decided to try and venture into the city again, again not much really got done, but it's a nice walk around for Nora, and me and Dean get to spend time together. On our travels we ran into Amy on her lunch break, which was really nice as I hadn't seen her since the day after Nora was born. It was a good little catch up and we made plans to try and get the group together. After that we headed over to Revolution portraits to collect my mini canvas! And oh my good she's just so precious.

The next day Dean and I went to go and sort me having an implant put in, because you know I'm not looking for another Nora anytime soon. It was a little scary to be there, but the woman we spoke to was super nice, and made me feel better about it. After we tackled that Dean decided to drive us out to Hemsby, because I honestly think he is addicted to Bingo. To be fair we have collected a decent amount of wins between the two of us since we started coming. And Nora had a slightly better time, she's still not loving the beach scene, but I think with more exposure she'll get there. When we got home, Emily came to visit us, which was a really weird catch up as I haven't really properly spoken to Emily since fireworks night. Yeah that's right. And back then most of the group didn't even know I was pregnant, so here she was meeting my baby. She very kindly got Nora a £20 Disney gift card, and we all know how cute baby Disney stuff is. WOO. Sunday was what I liked to call a lazy day, and then again in the evening Maddy came to visit, and we all had a good chat, and reminisced about nostalgic songs. This was mainly because Nora likes it when Maddy bounces her around, so I was encouraging the music by playing top tunes such as Vengaboys. Some

of those music videos though were pretty disturbing. On Monday I went to go and have the implant put in, so I made the plan of Mum will come and hold my hand, because needles and me are still not friends, despite how many times we came into contact during my pregnancy, and my dad was left at the flat with Nora (for context I literally live on the road where the clinic is, you step out my front door and you can see it). The procedure itself was nothing like I thought, and was over so quickly so I'm glad I braved it. Plus it means that I don't have to worry about remembering to take the pill everyday whilst caring for an infant. After this bravery of mine, mum treated us to a Zak's meal. It was a nice meal as they've introduced Potato Tots!!! I also got some nice photos of Nora in the outside bit with my dad.

On the Tuesday it was a pretty chilled day, I had Maddy come see us on her lunch break for a good chat, and then the afternoon Hariette came round to visit and we tried out Nora's play mat for the first time. She wasn't overly impressed. I made a second attempt the next morning and she seemed to enjoy it a lot more. Then Mum said about us going out for a meal, so I walked Nora down to Riverside and I got to have a lovely Chiquitos. We sat by the window so we could see the river and there was this guy painting, which made me kind of want to paint again. Then we did what we usually do and head over to spoons to enjoy the weather and chat.Following day was a little stressful as I did not feel well, and Nora was refusing to sleep and was very distressed. Luckily I had the support of my parents who came round to help. It was a very long day for me though. I was able to vent my feelings a little the next day as I had my perinatal mental health nurse come to visit, and she was talking about how I've made good improvements so if I was happy they would discharge me in September. Which helped make me feel like I was doing something right. And in the afternoon I met with Hariette in the city after work, going for some food and printing off some pictures of Nora for a scrapbook I was making as a gift for my mum. Saturday was just usual weekend with Dean, and then on Sunday he took us to Hemsby again, and this time my family met us there as well for yet more arcade bingo fun. I used the 22nd as a chilled day in with Nora, as we don't tend to have many of those, and it was a good thing I did because the next day was bizzay. And yes I wrote it like that so you can read it like that for emphasis. It was my mum's birthday so I got Nora ready and we walked down to Riverside to meet the parents at Frankie and Benny's, here we had an amazing deal of 3 pasta meals, and a pizza for £25!!! It was delicious, and Nora was pretty well behaved. My mum really liked the scrapbook I made. It wasn't completely finished, because I have more plans for it, so it will be a work in progress. But it was a nice start. After this we again went for a drink outside spoons, when Maddy messaged  about the exam she had that day so I thought I should go and see her for a bit. I met her at the other local spoons to me.
And funny story when I was with my parents there was this loud obnoxious group of people who eventually left, but turns out they just went to the spoons Maddy was at. So I ran into them twice. More than I ever wanted to run into them. Maddy and I then walked around, going to the food court to chat, and buying stuff in new look. We then decided that we wanted to go bowling, and invited Tom and Dean, but Tom didn't want to, or was busy, or something. But Dean Maddy and I had a pretty good time, even though Nora was starting to get a bit grumpy. We then went to Pizza Hut for some food!

This week continued to be super hot, which Nora was not a fan of, but I think as the days went on I almost mastered how to cheer her up, well keep content. And luckily she was content as I took her to MAP on the Wednesday so I could talk to the young parent support team. It was a really nice chat that made me feel a little more reassured, and I got to experience what their baby group was like. I think I would take Nora, but she needs to be a little older to fully appreciate it. On Thursday mum and dad came round yet again for a visit, trying to get Nora outside in the shade. I then thought to take her on a walk in the city that afternoon because some places are nice and cool, and I thought that might help her sleep a little better. On Friday I met Hariette up the city for some ice cream, which was very nice considering the weather, we then had a little shop around the city. Saturday Nora spent some time with her dad, so I was able to go and experience Pride. I decided to put on my wig and gold top hat, because when else am I really going to wear those objects, and headed out to the city with Dean. We stopped by the Number 33 cafe to stalk Tom and

Maddy, before going to see what was happening at the Forum and Chapelfield Gardens. I think more of the interesting stuff was meant to happen later in the day to be fair, but it was still nice. We had a better time when Maddy and Tom finally joined us. However they struggled to locate us. We saw some amazing things whilst out, like flamboyant Deadpool, and the last gay Dinosaur. I then had to be back for Nora's feed, and once back I just didn't want to go out again, so Dean and I stayed in and ordered Dominos!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday 28th was most definitely a lazy day, and we practically stayed in bed the whole time. But I got to experience Nora's first proper smile. It was so cute! And it made me feel more like a mother to her, than just some kind of food and rocking machine. She has been smiling and making happy responsive noises a lot more since then, which helps make those days where it's just me and her that little more interesting. Mum and Hariette came for a quick visit on Monday, as I was having a little stressful day, so it was nice to be able to chat to them about it all. Tuesday was a much better day as I had my first flat viewing for a potential home for Nora and myself. She stayed in the car with mum, whilst Dad and I nosed around the flat. Which was huge! There was so much storage space, and the kitchen was a decent size. Only issues was that the parking situation was not great, and there was no bath or much of a garden. Which when a small child is involved, but it was a good experience at least. After this I also had a visit from the health visitor who said that Nora was doing well, and she was also able to give me some good advice on how to deal with certain difficulties I'm having, then the rest of the day was pretty chilled out. On the 31st

the final day of the month, I decided it was time Nora met my other baby, Sebbles. So we also braved our first bus trip to Horsford, where she fell asleep. Seb was very interested in seeing Nora and was trying to climb on her to sit, which she strangely didn't mind, when he settled next to her, she was busy exploring his fur, she then had a sleep on her Auntie. That evening once back at the flat, Nora and I had a visit from Scott, which was a really good catch up as I don't think I've really seen him since my Birthday.

So it was a pretty good month when I try to erase the shit parts from my mind. But I guess it can't all be sunshine and roses. It just makes me more determined in a way to make good memories with those I care about. Sorry if this post doesn't make any sense at points, but I'm a lot more distracted nowadays so I just do bits here and there so kind of lose the flow. Anyway, see you when I see you!