Then Vs Now.

Then (Somewhere around November 2013) 

Now (27/09/17)

Heya. Today's post we are going to be making comparisons between my past and present self.
Because I am a very nostalgic person and love looking back on my life which leads to the thoughts, Wow how much has changed. Whether it has been the past year or decade, I am certainly changing. For the better? I am never quite sure, but join me on this journey to see some weird experiences.

So let's look back at my first blog post. And the first striking difference is the colour scheme. I changed this mainly because I was too lazy to go back through after writing the post to adjust the sizes and alter the colours. But also, people told me it got difficult to read. I'm pretty sure my background used to be different and I changed it  a few times, and ultimately settled on the pencils. Because I just love the aesthetic.

In this first post I talk about obsessions. Yeah I still say I am obsessed with youtube, but I don't really watch those gaming channels anymore. And the youtubers I am interested in have changed a lot. Currently I love Liza Koshy and David Dobrik. The Try Guys will always entertain me. And I could never give up on my Dan and Phil. I still have my own youtube channel but it's not the same one I am referring to. And this is more of a solo one, where I plan it, more than just film whatever is happening. I do miss doing that though, because watching back the memories with my friends was super cute. However I guess now we aren't teens it feels a bit weird.

Moving on... I talk about being obsessed with tea sets, and don't get me wrong I still love a good tea set, but my obsessions have progressed on from that. To blott rubbers, my little pony, tsum tsums and funko pops. You can read all about these in this handy little blog post link.

Now there is the lost of my favourite things, and I guess I still do love these things, some not as much as I used to, but there are definitely additions to this, like Game of Thrones, the above mentioned obsessions, and new music artists like Melanie Martinez and Shawn Mendes. Yes I am aware they are two completely different styles, but you need to know my music is very ranged.

I still value family and friendship. But the interesting thing is how the list of friends has changed. which I talk about in the second blog post I make. I mean 6 of the names I mention I don't even talk to anymore. I'm not going to dwell on those, because I have to move on from that, and focus on those who are still putting up with me. It is also interesting how if I were to write that post again, how differently I could talk about some of the people. For instance my friendship with Paige has become so much stronger, and I tell her everything, which I didn't really do before. Plus she's been with me everytime I went clubbing, and it was because of her I even went to a club.

Another difference is that I also have a work friendship group which I'd like to mention. Not that I really see them outside of work much anymore. I mean I'd like to it's just difficult to. But I have so many fun conversations with them, and when I started this blog, I didn't even have a part time job, let alone my full time career I would say. So a definite tick in the reason why now is better than then, is I am actually earning money.

As well I as this, now is definitely better, due to the fact, when I started my blog, I wasn't in the best of places. A situation occurred and I felt really shit about myself, thinking I wasn't good enough. And I can happily say I do not feel like that anymore. Yeah I have my down moments when I get stressed. But nowadays the people who I surround myself with make me feel proud of who I am/trying to become. Because let's face it I'm not perfect, and I am trying to be better, and my awesome friends and family are helping me get there.

So I've grown a lot as a person. Despite not actually getting any taller :'( Oh well I'm a cute little bundle. But I'd say I like where my life has taken me. Yeah I miss those days at the beginning of 6th form, or some times I had in high school. But I can't live in the past. Plus who knows, I may look back at this in another 4ish years and think, wow. What's happened? Hopefully things wouldn't have changed too much. I mean I'd like to have moved out, either have a child or at least be pregnant, still be surrounded by the same awesome people, and be successful in my career choice. But I didn't know I'd be at the point back then, so who knows.

See you when I see you!

Let's Play! Minecraft.

Hello, so yep there is another video. I'm being more consistent! This is basically a fail video of me playing minecraft on my own. To be fair I am this shit when playing with others. It took me like four attempts to make something I am actually half proud of, with nearly 3 hours of filming and the same with editing and the painstaking wait for it to render so please just consider those factors before hating.  Hope you enjoy!

See you when I see you!

Time For An Update.

Hello everybody. Today I thought I would just give more of an update on my life and happenings, as that hasn't really been the case for a while. So yeah, here goes.

Work: If you have been keeping up to date, you would have noticed work had been going a bit downhill. I felt I wasn't being respected in my position, I was constantly stressed and drained, yaddayadda. So I am pleased to announce that this is all improving! I think the whole atmosphere of work has changed, and we seemed to have sorted our shit out, so I do feel much happier. Yeah I still wish you finish when you are told you'd finish, but I guess that is an issue never going to be fixed. But I feel like I am managing a lot better. Coursework is actually getting completed and I'm just not being a complete failure which is always good news. And I re-sat my ICT exam last week, so hopefully I didn't fail that by 6% again. I felt like it was really easy, but am worried that maybe it felt a little too easy, and I have messed up in some massive way. But let's pray I don't have to travel all the way to Bedford again. But yeah, I am getting more organised at work and things are looking good.

Social: I am trying to make more of an effort with my friends. I know it can be difficult organising things, because we have all gone our separate ways and have different responsibilities. But I would like to start putting in more time, because they are the beings that keep me going. For instance last week I tried organising a thing with everyone but only 5 people decided to join me. Don't get me wring I had a great time, I ate pizza, drank some tasty cocktails, and got to act like an idiot with people who love me, and someone who doesn't know me. But he has to deal with me whether he likes it or not. Sometimes I think smaller meet ups are nicer because the quality of time with those people are amazing. Like when Maddy, Matt and I went for ice-cream, we spent hours chatting and organsing a holiday to Disney, which hasn't been discussed since, and I doubt it is going to happen, but I love how we can just go into so much depth talking about random things. But I would love to see some more of my friends soon because it keeps me happy.

Personal: Following the dream planning of a holiday to Disneyworld, it actually got me thinking a lot more about going on holidays, out of this country. And after learning that Naples in Italy is the Nutella capital of the world (I love Nutella by the way) I was thinking a lot about braving my fear of planes and going somewhere and exploring. And Italy is more affordable than Disneyworld. But these are probably just fantasies. Keeping with that theme, learning to drive and moving out remain on the wishlist but wont be an actuality for another year or so, which does stress me out because I have a fear of time. Like if I keep pushing it back what if something happens to prevent it, and I become unhappy and trapped. I think it is a reason I don't sleep very well, because I keep having these worries about time pressure. And then the fact I can't sleep makes me panic more because usually I have work the next day and I can't push that back to sleep so then I get tired and there is nothing I can really do about it. Plus when I can't sleep, I think about how I should probably use this time to be productive like doing coursework, or working on blog posts and things, so that way I feel I am at least getting something done. It's a weird system. But I do feel out of everything in my life, I put my dreams and well-being last. Like I'd rather please the people at work, or my family and friends, over what I want to do. Which is good because in that sense I'm not selfish, but I feel it makes me stressed out. But then again the things I want to do aren't exactly things I am capable of doing. Because I have essentially been told I cannot move out, because I do not have a high enough salary, and literally none of my friends want to move in with me, and I feel moving in with strangers is just going to be like living with my parents. Or I want to do more creative things, but simply do not have the time or energy. We shall see.

Sorry this was a bit of a weird post, but I thought that I haven't really done an updatey post in a while, and it is nice to have this kind of vent in a way, because it can help organise my thoughts. So yeah thanks for reading.

See you when I see you!

Game Of Thrones.

Hello, as season 7 has drawn to a close, I give my opinion on the various characters and plot points of the series. But in the fun way of a video! So sit back, waste some time, cringe at my existence.

See you when I see you!