Giving Up

Hi, so today as it is the holidays, I do practically nothing. So expect a lot of random blog posts. However it got me thinking. It is going to get increasingly difficult to find new things to blog about daily, I mean todays post is based entirely on that. I feel like I should just give up.

What I mean by this is not posting every day, and starting a more casual blog like my other friends do, cause this means I don't have to stress about finding something to blog about when I have boring days such as this. I start panicking because I feel like I let myself down if I do not post. So if I just admit defeat maybe it won't be so bad.

However, this is my way of proving to myself I am capable of sticking to something and teaches me not to procrastinate. Well kinda, I still procrastinate, but that is another situation. And blogging daily means I have that little bit of time to myself to collect thoughts and just have a moment of being me without thinking about others, which seems pretty selfish now I say it out loud. Well typed it and read it in my mind. Whatever. But I spend most of my time outside this blog thinking about others, so a little me time isn't so bad. Is it? 

All this giving up with my blog got me thinking about the other things I consider giving up. Like 6th form. I only really like 6th form because I see it more of a social club, as most of my friends go there I can see them daily without having to organise stuff. But the stress of the work sometimes just doesn't seem worth it. I do like some of the lessons, cause my teachers are pretty funny, or somethings we learn are just fascinating. But I wish I could just have that without the worry of exams, and their outcome. So sometimes I just feel like giving up and getting a job.

But then again, I have kind of given up on job hunting. There is just too much rejection and it is getting to me. I feel like there is something wrong with me that makes me that unemployable. So it makes me scared to apply more, cause I feel the more I get rejected the more useless I am. I know rejection is just part of the experience, but I really don't take rejection well. Mainly because I have a really bad perception of myself. So I just constantly see faults, and rejection only highlights that and it all leads to bad things. 

So maybe I should just give up with everything. But I couldn't do that, cause there are some things in my life that are reasons to keep going. Giving up just seems so easy, and yet so difficult. UGH Life! 

Wow that was depressing. Sorry. Umm....yeah....See you in the 'morrow!