I Just Can't

Does anyone else have that thing, that no matter how much you put your mind to it, and no matter how close you get to completing what you set out to do, you just can't do it. I know what some people will say, "Nothing is impossible" and I know that, and I know that I probably could do this. But there is this very strong feeling telling me I can't and I panic and UGH.

The worst thing about it all though is that it is really important that I go and do this, and that certain people either want me to do it, or say I have to. Since one of those people is someone i really care about, I am torn. Cause I really want to do it for them, and I see the importance, which is why I tried to do it yesterday. But on the way there I was freaking the fuck out but I was like, "you can do this" but then we were like so close and I was like "nope!" and walked away. I hated it cause no matter how much he told me it was ok I was like I know you think otherwise. 

This whole situation is taking over my life and I don't like it. I feel every conversation I have with him always comes back to this topic, and no matter how many times he says otherwise, I know it's all my fault, because I am the one creating difficulties. It sucks. It all just sucks. Because there is this part of me that is accepting to do it, for him. But then there is this part that is just screaming at me to run away and pretend none of this needs to happen. But it does. 

He agreed that he wouldn't talk about it anymore, cause I got really ugh yesterday and just felt like giving up. But I know he still thinks about it. I know he still wants me to do it, I can see it everytime I look at him. And that look kills me, cause I'm letting him down. But no matter how hard I try I just don't think I'll be able to do it. And there is this dark side of my brain that thinks this is going to ruin my relationship, and it will all be my fault. 

So what do I do? 

By the way whatever you think this is about, you are probably wrong. 

See you in the 'morrow!