Wow, today. What to say about today? Probably the worst day of this year. However two months in you can't really judge. Either, today was...there isn't actually a word. If you have read my blog before you would know that there are certain problems in my life that affect me a lot. I wrote an entire post about it called The Genetic Disorder cause that is the problem. Also if you read my blog post yesterday you would know that I wasn't having a good day..ish. So this is going to essentially explain why.
My mum loves reading books, more than Claire, and if you know Claire you would think this impossible. But trust me when I say my mum is a book fanatic. Anywho she was reading this book and suggested it to me. She mentioned it was about this girl who's mum had Huntington's disease (which is what my mum has) so she thought it would help me because a lot of the stuff is about how to deal with it and mum said it was pretty accurate. So yesterday I decided to read it.
However, my problem is I get very emotional about the whole HD situation. So when the girl in the book talks about her mother dying from HD I start crying. Some people might not cry as much as I did, but when your mum could possibly be in the same situation it does hit you. However, that wasn't the worst bit, because I understand everyone is going to die at some point or another. So I continued reading and the girl kept talking about how her mother had changed and she wasn't the same person anymore. And this just kind of broke me. For my mum is probably the greatest person I know, and I just can't lose her in that sense. From the funny things she says about anything to when she is hugging me when I'm sad, and I really don't want that to change.
Everything before the bus journey was fine. Hal and I were lying on the sofa sneaking in a bit of TV before we absolutely had to get ready for 6th Form, and we were laughing and I thought hey today is going to be great, I only have two hours of lessons before I get to come home again and chill. I was also playing MLP so that was a good sign. How naive of me. Everyone knows buses are thinking time. So when I sit there listening to music staring out a window watching the rain drizzle down, what else was my brain supposed to do besides fill my mind with all the thoughts from the previous night. So I got upset. But I forced myself not to cry cause there were people around me, and I hate crying in front of people. So I got to school and broke down in the girls toilets. About 5 minutes before the end of break I got up and wiped away the tears and told myself it was going to be ok and went to see my friends.
I think they saw it on me though. Pretty much everyone asked if I was ok, and I said yes cause I wanted to convince myself I was, mainly cause I could feel the tears coming back. So I took this as a good opportunity to go off to my psychology lesson. I went and sat down pretty much trapped in the corner, got my stuff out feeling the tears wanting to pour out of me and tried to hold them back. When people would ask me if I was ok. NEVER DO THIS! If I look sad just back off. Cause asking if I am ok makes me more not ok then I originally was. So I crawled under the desk and ran for the girls toilets, locking myself in a cubicle and practically crying my eyes out. Claire followed me. Then all of a sudden Maddy showed up and was talking about climbing over the cubicle to get to me. But she couldn't cause she was too short. Eventually I opened the door and we sat on the floor of the toilets just talking and reading through our psychology books cause I didn't want to go back to the classroom in fear of another breakdown.
So 40 minutes had passed and I was feeling slightly better so we went for a walk to the common room. Where I purchased a hot chocolate and found 50p underneath the drinks machine. Which Maddy and I later used to buy Freddos. And we sat in there for 10 minutes.
I know what you are thinking this was all a waste of my time and theirs. And I feel bad. I mean I didn't want them to spend their time worrying about me, but I am grateful. I really needed them. After this Claire and I got the bus home after sharing the family tree with our friends, and that was pretty much my day. I got some revision done for psychology to try and make up for the time I missed.
It is times like this you realise how wonderful your friends are, I have made a good choice in the people I hang out with. LOVE YOU GUYS! Thanks Claire and Maddy for looking out for me. And I assume my other friends would have done the same if they knew. I would certainly be there for them. Lets hope tomorrow is going to be less breakdowny and more productivey. But we can only hope. Sorry this was a long post x See you in the 'morrow!
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