IT'S 2014! WOO! Hopefully these next 12 months won't be as shit as the last. However there were some great moments. But that is not what this post is about. This post is going to go through how I celebrated the arrival of the new year, and can I say I would not change it for anything...ok maybe a few things...but my point still stands.
So it's the last day of 2013, December 31st to be precise. Elli why are you writing it our as some shit novel, cause it probably is a shit novel, now please...My friend Efah had planned yet another infamous Eddie Party (I say planned he bought like no booze whatsoever, but it was still fucking awesome!) so obviously I went. I started by going to Jessie's and Tom was there and they were eating dinner while I looked up holidays on my phone that people really need to be aware of. Like climb up a flag pole and see who salutes you day, and Wiggle your toes day. And this continued until we were at Eddie's. When we got there we watched Futurama and played with some fake guns. It was mainly just me and Jessie going PewPew at each other. We called this a gang bang. Why, cause we are slightly messed up in the head. Also Efah brought out some chocolate fingers and Jass fed them to me, we joked about how she "fingered" me.
Me and Jessie then played 20 card UNO and got pissy cause I kept winning so threw the cards at me, so I picked them up and shoved them down her shirt. As you do. I can't remember the situation but at one point Eddie but a balloon right next to his...um...package...and he fell over in pain and cause we are such nice friends all we did was laugh at him. Then we got creeped out by a santa doll in Eddie's house. He had a major I'm going to rape you face going on, and we watched a bit of Scott Pilgram vs the World. Then we watched a bit of Team America and had the theme tune stuck in our heads for like the rest of the night. America FUCK YEAH! Oh yes and angrily playing Hungry Hungry Hippos, where my fucking hippo didn't work correctly! But it was fun just mashing the handle until he ate something. I'm starting to think he was anorexic. Oh and we all convinced Eddie that if you rubbed toothpaste over yourself you got high, so he went and got some toothpaste and there was this large fight.
At this point it was slowly approaching Midnight, so what do we do? Dress up like lunatics and go to a park! Eddie was dressed in a top hat and tails, Jessie wore her prom dress, Tom just wore a panda hat. And I wore a petticoat over my jeans, a red waistcoat, a rainbow tie, a fez, my normal coat for I was cold...wow so many coats...and was carrying around a pirate doll and a horn.
Oh yes the Doll so on our way to the park we were saying how Eddie looked like a funeral director and I pretended that the Pirate (Pete) doll was the person who's funeral we were at. Basically Jessie was Pete's wife and Tom and I were their children. Anywho...
Back to the park, as it was pitch black we were using my phone as a light source and I said it made me feel like I was playing Slender (this is going to make sense later on...I think) But we got to this little bench thing? after playing on these toy motorbikes that we had to peddle and I was the only one small enough to do so. But at this thingymagiggy, we left our one fuck we couldn't give, counted down to the New Year, where I shouted Fuck you all in the Butt instead of Happy New Year... I'm so lovely to be around. And we pranked called some people, like a different Tom, my cousin and George Porge, leaving them creepy voice mails. SORRY!
So we started to leave the park, where Eddie and I waved at every car the passed, and then we saw this light in the distance. I was convinced it was slender man, the light was starting communicating in Morse code and as we approached slendy, me and the other 4 started to look more and more like the derpish five (Best superheroes ever!) as we got towards these two men just having a New Years drink. That sounds slightly dirty...oops!
Now back at the house, we played yet more UNO, but this time with a twist. We found a card that had UNO written on both sides so claimed it as the Shadow Realm Card! DUn DUn DUn! Elli why are the n's in lower case. PFF! Fuck knows! Anywho The Shadow Realm meant you were out of the game. As well as KING ME which was essentially snap, so if you perfectly matched the card before you were kinged with the petticoat. And can I say we all looked fabulous in it. Then Efah got out some betting chips and we started placing bets on who would win, and who would get sent to the shadow realm. It was fun until Jass bet her bra on me to win. I did luckily for her. But then we started playing strip UNO, which was just weird. It was me vs 3 guys cause Jessie opted out. The rules were whoever at the end had the highest number of points had to remove an item of clothing. However if you were Kinged you can put on an item of clothing or the petticoat if you were already fully clothed. So lucky me only got away with a sock, which I put back on cause I was all like KING ME BITCH! I was also the luckiest some bitch I know cause Tom placed down a plus 4 then Eddie did so I had to pick up 8 and the first one was the Shadow Realm so I was like SUCK ON THAT BITCHES! and left the game. I call people bitches a lot when I play UNO. Sorry about that. Efah was the only one who showed the most skin (Cause he didn't layer up like the rest of us did before we played.) and he decide to rub toothpaste on his nipples. Don't do this at home, not like I think you would, but trust me it hurt him like a bitch. The worst bit was when he went to go wash it off and as soon as he left the room Jessie was all like that will be worse, we were like wait for the scream and all we heard from the next room was "WHY DID THAT HURT MORE?" and he came back in the room and just flailed on the chair in pain.
After this Jass and I had a snuggle party on the sofa and we just made jokes about each others previous relationships or just people we previously liked. The best was Jessie using the YMCA moves to spell out the names of people's last girlfriends I laughed so much. After this we tidied up our shit and left. As you can tell no-one got any sleep. But 8 hours later I have only had 3 hours kip, but bitches I'm waiting for SHERLOCK so sleep can wait another 3 hours and 16minutes.
A long post I know, but there was so much going on, in what can only be described as the best way to celebrate New Years, it had to be. So hope you celebrated in an amazing way like I. See you in the 'morrow liddle chums!
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