Bullying

So today I am going to talk about something that is extremely personal, but not like 'EEW why did we need to know that? Too much information' personal, just something I don't like talking about much.

Bullying

I have been bullied in the past, but compared to some people it was practically nothing. I can't really remember the things people have said to me but I remember not wanting to go to school, and forcing myself to be sick so that my mum would let me stay home. Now I don't get bullied, mainly because I think people grow out of it. But I have also decided not to care about what people think of me, so if they say something hurtful to me, I just don't care. Sometimes I even join in the joke. For example someone said that I was a Twat, so I responded with "Yay my life's goal is complete!" 

I guess that, that can be used as advice. However, some people are probably facing worse cases of bullying so ignoring it is impossible. Or they are the kind of people that just can't ignore something so easily. Which is fine. So if you can't ignore it, talk to someone. Anyone, a friend, a member of your family, a teacher, a neighbour, or even a stranger. Don't talk to strangers. Cause there is always someone who will listen. Like me. You could email me, or facebook me, or say on ask.fm where it is anonymous. You could even talk in person if you know who I am. If you would like to talk here are my contacts 1773snails@gmail.com and go on ask.fm and look for Elsley Miffin (same with Twitter). 

Now I'm not very comfortable to say this, but I have bullied people in the past. I say people it was one person, and it is the only thing in my life I regret and wish I could change. When I was younger I was easily influenced by people. I was obsessed with fitting in, and was desperate for people to like me. That's no excuse but it's what happened. I had these 3 friends at the start of first school and they were great, but one of them made me feel like I had to work to be her friend. But then one of them introduced me to Claire. I loved Claire at first, she made me feel like I could be myself. We were the best of friends and she would tell me about how she loved this show 'Charmed' and we would just be weird together. It was great until sometime during Middle School, where the girl from earlier got more and more popular and I for some reason still wanted her approval. She would make fun of me and Claire for being weird and I stupidly gave it up and left Claire. One thing led to another and I ended up being mean to Claire just to keep being friends to impress this other girl. That guys was not cool. It turns out she still didn't care for me so I made new friends, scared that Claire wouldn't forgive me. Luckily these new guys still let me be weird, and I wasn't mean to Claire. We became friends again at the end middle school, which was great, and we headed over to high school where we were thrilled to be in the same Tutor group.

However the tale doesn't end there. I can't remember the exact reasons but me and Claire had this on and off friendship, which was pretty much always my fault. During one of the off periods this girl started a rumour about Claire, and cause I didn't like her at the time I helped spread it. I hate thinking about that moment, seriously the lowest point of my life. I remember Claire being so mad at me and I hated myself, but compared to how she probably felt, I wasn't important. I think after this she did become my friend again, but as before I was the biggest idiot ever and ended over the most stupid reason ever. Basically I found out my granddad had a genetic disease and was worried that I might have it, I told Claire and she laughed, looking back it was probably cause she thought it was unlikely I would and wanted me to feel better, but stupid younger me didn't take it the same way. Being angry at her (for no good reason) I wanted to "punish" her by making her life miserable, so I tried stealing her new friends from her, we got into so many arguments which I hated, cause I think deep down I still wanted to be her friend. After that though, I moved on and found new friends and we didn't speak for another year or so, when she started becoming friends with mine. I said it was hypocritical cause she got upset about me befriending hers, and I was trying to get my friends not to like her by telling them what she did in an over exaggerated way, but they stayed friends with her, and I tolerated it. 

After a while I would start talking to her casually cause if not it was awkward. Then we talk a bit more. Luckily when we started 6th form we had psychology together, and we were really the only people we knew. And we instantly became best friends again. I seriously could not be happier, she is my Clive, as you know. I haven't really apologised for what I did, cause I think it's best if we don't relive it. So writing this blog is so I could get it off my chest and so she knows how sorry I am. Clive, I love you to pieces, and if I had a time machine I would go back and slap myself round the face and tell myself to get a grip, so we would have never stopped being friends. But I don't so for now I hope you forgive me. Since then we have only had one down which I got over cause I have changed for the better. Hopefully nothing bad will happen in future and we will stay good friends forever. 

Wow this went from a post about Bullying to a post about Claire and I. But what I am saying is, being mean to someone cause they are different is not good, they cannot help who they are, also abandoning a friend for your own gain is never worth it, looking back I would rather get bullied with her then bully her, cause then we'd have each other. In fact in a perfect world I'd rather nobody got bullied, but the world isn't perfect. The final point is that from mine and Claire's experiences people will forgive and forget. 

Main advice: Stick up for others even if they don't ask for it. So if you see someone being bullied step up, cause the worst part is facing something alone. 

Sorry about the downer but all this really needed to be said. Talking helps everything.

See you in the 'morrow!