Today, I'm going to talk about myself again. Yeah cause we really want to know all about your life. I see through your sarcasm madame (hey that rhymes haha) anywho I'm going to use this as therapy again because I am going through an annoying patch.
Well I say patch, it is more of a life-long war. I'm losing. Who am I fighting you may ask? That is my brain. I know it's weird, but hey I am. So my brain likes to force me to think about things I don't want to think about, because they are unpleasant thoughts, or they are just frustrating.
This is my typical day:
Brain: Hey, so do you want to think about...
Me: Not now brain! Think of something of actual worth to me, like school.
Brain: Nah, you can keeping thinking over and over about this thing until it will drive you crazy.
Me: It already has so stop.
Brain: Umm...No.
Right now how am I going to talk about this without giving too much away, and being judged... So I get these thoughts about bad things happening and I can never get them to go away once I thought about it. I feel awful cause it means subconsciously I want it to happen, but in these cases I really don't. This has been happening for years and I hate it, but no-one really knows cause I feel like people would think I am just an awful person. I try and stop, and it only sometimes works, but other than that it is just a constant pain! I know I'm complaining about something that is nothing in comparison to other stuff going on in people's lives, but I'm going to say it once to get it out of my system and move on, hopefully. I'll just survive I guess.
Sorry this was a bit of a downer, but these rant fest' allows me to be the mad person I love, and want to be ALL the time. Thanks for reading, if you actually did read through it all. Appreciated x.
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